julie's diary

I have had 8 days off in a row-omg it has been nice. Although i worry about not making the money this wk-even though I got paid from some people anyways. I just sometimes i feel guilty not working(even though my clients are all away.) it wasn't as if i blew it off. I also am feeling guilty for rnow going to the health club and overeating all wk. so like i said it has been nice and at times feeling guilty. i wish i could just be happy without guilt. oh well that is how it has always been. my family-even with their issues have all worked their butts off. all they did is work. so that is how i was raised. but with the bipolar having time to relax is so important. Oh another thing, my Sister, the only fam member i keep in touch with sent me a long letter. In it all she does it put herself down. i have a hard time reading it. all i can think is-she needs therepy. i am so glad i have gotten help. Our family-although good people at times-is/was so screwed up. all she says about them is how great they were. it is funny how we have such different views. i believe that is just how she has dealt with the stress. i mean we have never been kids really. I am glad i can see things more clear and talk about them but i know to some people that is sooo tabu and have tried to shame me about it. that sucks. oh well at least i don't beat on myself as bad as her. it is amazing we speak at all-we have hurt each other alot.