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julie's diary

My feelings
about family, having bipolarII and accepting it.

stress wearing me down

Mar 13 2012

I am up and down-mostly down. i want to sleep all day. i am scared. It feels like a ping pong ball in my head. should i do this should i do that? why is all this pain being directed at me? Have i donesomething so wrong in my life that i deserve this? I do not know. they say-god doesn't give you more than you can handle. I don't know if i believe that anymore. i have had my more than my share of pain in my life. i am tired, defeated. I get so anxious at times when i am trying to be a good Mom and dealing with crap from Her dad and his wife. Having mental illness and dealing with unhealthy, mean people sucks. why does life have to be so hard? what is my purpose here just to suffer.

Previous diary posts by jewl:

why can't I be happy???
time off
forgiveness
obsessing
Dad's Birthday

venting
feeling crappy
doing ok
my sister
feeling good:)

Comments (2) Add Comment

written by dugg, March 15, 2012

there's a line from a Van Morrison song that goes thru my head when i find myself in these dark blues...
he sang "it ain't why, why, why... it just is".

i have a certain faith in karma, but i really doubt you did something so awful that any god would punish you with a brain disorder. i don't think life is fair, but all we can do is our best to be our best,and no one should expect any more of us than that. good luck keepin' on...

written by Joy75, March 16, 2012

You are an excellent mom. I'm sorry you're up and down and mostly down. I hope that the medication adjustment works for you. You haven't done anything in your life to deserve these feelings. It just happens. You can get through this and continue to get through things because you are a strong person. The ex and the wife have been a constant headache for you and I'm so mad that they have to act like immature jerks. I wish I could take all your pain away from you. You are doing the best you can do and that is enough. You are a great person, don't forget that.