Why wear a ribbon?

"Because the man I love has ms , and my grandma died from ms. I may have chronic ..." (Kikaichan)

MDJunction to me

"MDJunction to me is a place where I can connect with other people who can understand me and relate to me...and I with them...it's a great feeling to share with others and have them share with you; to build bonds with people who won't judge you." (phoenix2011)

more testimonials

jstsIm

courage and discovery

What To Do?

Apr 18 2012

I come here every day, to read what others write, sometimes I respond. Sometimes I just come here because I feel so detatched and alone, that I cant stand the emptyness I feel.

Sometimes, liketoday, I wonder why I bother , there is no one there. I write so I can release the pain and fear I feel, if only for a few minutes, because I know that it will be there, maybe with my next thought...

I don't know how to establish relationships. I don't know how to say or do the right things. I scare others away...It isn't their fault, I'm just not socialy adept....I have remained so isolated, that I have nothing but the bad things to share. Never the less, I am still trapped in the prison that my mind is making. Reaching out, brings reward and rejection, triumph and failure...a vicious cycle and one that seems never ending...I don't know where to start or where to end,

Previous diary posts by jstsIm:

REGRESSION...back into darkness
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I FEEL.....
REALITY CHECK.....
POST SCRIPT
September 21,2011

OH GOD! Are you there?
MOVING DAY...
MOVING ON...
THANK YOU,..
sunday 27.2011

Comments (7) Add Comment

written by damselndistress, April 18, 2012

I don't feel scared away Reba.
I'm scattered all over the place.
I read a little here and there and rarely comment.

Keep writing-it feels right to me.

written by Peace77, April 20, 2012

Ditto...to be honest Reba, and you know I am when I say I'm the same way right now. Can't feel I belong anywhere..but you have SPIRIT...everyone loves you...I do!!!
Patty

written by jstsIm, April 21, 2012

I feel alone, empty of heart and spirit. Like I don't exist at all. Only a shadow...

written by lken, April 22, 2012

is it the good shadow, i do not feel along when i write here, well sometimes when no one answers , there is not a loneness pill out yet. what exactly is a lonely feeling, i will have to post.

written by damselndistress, April 22, 2012

Yes exactly.
I feel like a shadow of a person.
Who am I?
Where am I?
I feel like in my real life I am surrounded by such strong personalities that mine gets squelched out.
Can anyone hear me?
Do I register on the radar?
What can I do to feel real like I exist?
Is this feeling what causes people to do violent crime acts?
So they can feel heard and like they exist even if it takes a violent vicious act for just one moment to make them feel as if they do have control over something.
So that people finally take notice that they exist?

written by lken, April 26, 2012

in my dreams my shadow person is a friend, if i can make friends with myself, i feel full and whole, i think going into the self is another adventure. you make me feel good in your comments. only a strong deep rooted person can reach out give like you do.

written by KittenMittens, April 26, 2012

Oh my sweet sweet Reba! You are seen and loved. smilies/grin.gif