Figuring out how to understand, but more importantly live with, bipolar II http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/journeys-through-my-bipolarity Thu, 23 May 2013 06:08:53 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/journeys-through-my-bipolarity/miserable-68071 <p>...probably not in the sense of a (bipolar) depressed mood but today is Notting Hill Carnival. I&#39;d probably go (sober, as I have to with my meds atm) were it not for a horrible stomach virus/infectionthat I&#39;m getting over...</p><p>...but it makes me think of all the other things I might miss out on owing to bipolar... :s i do really want to be on a maintenance med i can have 3,4,5 drinks on not this seroquel...it&#39;s so much a part of my life partying/socialising in London...</p><p> [...] bennyw http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/journeys-through-my-bipolarity/another-mid-recovery-waystage <p>when i felt really depressed i thought i&#39;d do anything to feel even moderately depressed...</p><p>&nbsp;...when moderately depressed i wished for mild depression....</p><p>...now i have mildER depression plus some general feeling-weirdness/numb feelings i just want to feel normal!...</p><p>&nbsp;...not sure if I&#39;m feeling the discontinuation of the citalopram/am over-medicated with seroquel or what...</p><p>&nbsp;...my little experience tells me not to make any snap judgments based on [...] bennyw http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/journeys-through-my-bipolarity/eeek-difficult-times-back-home <p>...so it transpired that my sister, whether by dint of smack addiction or a personality disorder or both, had made up a whole pack of lies (as significant as &#39;i&#39;m going to join the army&#39;, &#39;i was pregnant with twins but lost my babies&#39;) to get money/goodness knows what sort of reaction from my parents/grandparents...</p><p>&nbsp;...this originally surfaced when i was v.poorly with my depression...it came upon me like a tonne of bricks when the news first hit...</p><p>&nbsp; [...] bennyw http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/journeys-through-my-bipolarity/a-couple-of-days-back-in-london-so-far-so-ok <p>So I got back to London a couple of days ago and it has been really pretty OK so far, thank goodness. I&#39;m spending a few days here as I was starting to feel a little frustrated at my mum&#39;s and feared I was getting isolated. The plan had been to only return when I was asymptomatic...I&#39;ve come to realise that&#39;s a rather overoptimistic target for 4 weeks of treatment. On my seroquel I would say I&#39;m 50% better and able to &#39;function&#39; increasingly well, though my racing [...] bennyw http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/journeys-through-my-bipolarity/not-biting-the-bait <p>today i feel very mixed - mixed with my bipolar (more depression and racing thoughts today) and mixed about a certain situation, which I&#39;m beginning to think isn&#39;t disconnected to my bipolar&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;over the past year or so ive been &#39;involved&#39; with a married woman. she&#39;s 27, married for a couple of years and thank god no kids. looking back i don&#39;t know why i did - it&#39;s so against my values (i&#39;m not one of those people who thinks if you&#39;re single a [...] bennyw http://www.mdjunction.com/diary/journeys-through-my-bipolarity/better-day-64558 <p>Today was markedly better than yesterday.</p><p>&nbsp;Whether it was the clonazepam to make the evening easier/sleep better quality.&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;Or the seroquel finally starting to work.&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;I do not know.&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;And yet at times today I swear I felt euthymic! And a bit hypomanic, and still depressed.&nbsp;</p><p>So it&#39;s been a liqorish all-sort kind of day...with a little less of the nasty tasting black sweets today at least!</p><p>&nbsp;Other positives:</p [...] bennyw