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Journeys through my bipolarity

Figuring out how to understand, but more importantly live with, bipolar II

A couple of days back in London - so far, so OK

Aug 07 2010

So I got back to London a couple of days ago and it has been really pretty OK so far, thank goodness. I'm spending a few days here as I was starting to feel a little frustrated at my mum's and feared I was getting isolated. The plan had been to only return when I was asymptomatic...I've come to realise that's a rather overoptimistic target for 4 weeks of treatment. On my seroquel I would say I'm 50% better and able to 'function' increasingly well, though my racing thoughts still race-away and the hopelessness feelings of my depression still spike when I'm not distracted.

Such a positive experience so far though. Hung with my mental health nurse (and just generally lovely) housemate Leanne during the day. She's uber understanding but just as valuable as being able to talk to her relatably about my condition is also being able to talk/joke about stuff non-bipolar related! I feel like I've become a bit of a monoglot with this condition - which is understandable but I don't want my life to be 100% bipolar (directly or indirectly) 100% of the time.

Did a big rearrangement of my flat in a possibly hypomanic hour the other day and have that feeling of satisfaction from the external environment now being more coherent :) Going to an open air play with my friends tonight on the south bank of the Thames this evening then watching the new toy story on our projector later on (ahem...piracy alert!)

Will be taking my small dose of clonazepam before I go out, however, as I do tend to dip/get anxious in the evenings and so would like a bit of shoring-up for the whole thing.

Targets for being here:

- continue to do stuff 'round the flat to make it an increasingly nice place to live

- see friends/read books/watch films

- keep going to the gym/eating healthily and return to a stable weight (haha screw you bad-part-of-seroquel if I manage it!!!)

- MAYBE pop into work. I've asked my bosses by email if that would be appropriate but no response as yet. Feel a little apprehensive about how the news of my illness has gone down and feel they are 'coordinating' communication with me which makes me feel a little uncomfortably apart from it all :s But that's a story for another day!

Previous diary posts by bennyw:

not biting the bait

Better day

Comments (5) Add Comment

written by sharone, August 07, 2010

bennyw, you sound like your making a fine adjustment. I just want to caution you about seroquel. My mom was in her 80s when she was given seroquel. my family was under the impression that she was bipolar because that's what the pdoc first suggested. but, she was using this med for a UTI that went so far she had psychotic type of problems. The problem was that seroquel is not supposed to be used long-term. That's my understanding anyway. I'm just suggesting that you be cautious with your meds. Get a full understanding, or let your nurse aid help you with this, so that you are fully aware of their side effects. Be well! You sound very good. smilies/wink.gif

written by bennyw, August 07, 2010

hey sharone,

thanks for the piece of advice...i'm recovering from an acute phase of my illness and am taking it primarily for this.

i'll be asking some hard questions of my pdoc if he wants to make it my long term maintenance therapy...but it's important for me to get better before anything else.

written by sharone, August 07, 2010

I'm glad, bennyw that you're committed to getting better first and foremost. The doc my mom had told me that seroquel could be useful short term. Just stay alert and informed and you'll do great!

written by bennyw, August 08, 2010

yeah cheers sharone,

i'm only 25 and want the necessary meds to take as small a toll on me as possible so i value you keeping my eye on this.

as i understand it seroquel shouldnt be prescribed to elderly people - but im not sure if this is only where dementia features.

i have a very small experience of being tardily prescribed medications - 8 weeks on an antidepressant getting worse not better because an outofhours doc wasn't clued-up enough to do some basic bp screening - so i think it's right that we assume a level of ignorance in our docs unless and until they've proved their good doctorliness to us.

written by Hands, August 08, 2010

Hi mate. You sound very positive and seems that you are pretty much in charge of putting things in the right place for you. Hope evrything goes according to your plans. Do not worry much about what people say at work. Stick to your colleagues that are potentially good friends. Fingers are crossed. Good Luck!