Journey from diagnosis, treatment & recovery

Toby was 7 months old when he came into our home and our lives. The woman who previously had Toby during a critical time in his developmental life was diagnosed with cancer. It’s unlikely she was well enough to spend time socializing Toby with other dogs or exposing him to a variety of new situations, places, and new people. She returned him to the pet shop at 6 months of age because she wa...

 On 6/4/13 My wife andI did something that defied logic. Let me re-phrase that. We used heart logic rather than head logic. On 6/3/13 we visited a pet store that sells puppies. We weren't in the market for a puppy we just wanted to see the breeds they were selling.

Here's a copy of a blog I wrote on 5/25/13 

Have you ever wondered- What’s the difference between someone who is successful and someone who isn’t?

What personality trait enabled Abraham Lincoln amount to anything when he had this list of failures:
Lost job, 1832,Defeated for legislature, 1832, Failed in business, 1833,Sweetheart (Ann Rutledge) died,...

When I began this journey almost 3 years ago, I knew I was writing a diary that I hoped would help people. Years later much of my diary as well as new material was published in a book titled:

I Left My Prostate in San Francsico-Where's Yours? Coping With The Emotional, Relational, Sexual & Spiritual Aspects of Prostate Cancer

In the last few months my book received two awards...

I've known more than a few men who seriously regretted the decision to have surgery. They live their lives with unhealthy regret, believing prostate surgery ruined their life forever. If given the opportunity for a re-do they would say: I'd skip the surgery and let the cancer run it's course. 

David didn't have a choice. He died from complications due to prostate canc...

1. Believe your cancer was a matter of fate, bad luck, or being dealt a bad hand. Assume nothing positive can come from your experience with prostate cancer.
2. Live selfishly. Have an affair, dump your partner and/or the rest of your family in pursuit of your own pleasure.
3. Live fearfully. Spend hours obsessing about cancer in your waking hours, and loose sleep at night as you imagin...

I left my Prostate in San Francisco—Where’s Yours? is by no means a ringing endorsement for robotic prostate surgery. However, it is a candid and courageous explanation of what patients—and couples—should expect in the months preceding and following this procedure. Through an autobiographical acco...

After spending 3 years on various on-line prostate cancer support forums,  I've created and updated two new forums.  A pre-prostate surgery support forum link is here: http://presurgery.freeforums.net/                      

The Post Surgery support forum link is here:  http://postsurgery.freeforums.net/   &nbs...

I'm approaching my 2 year post-surgery date.                                                   The Good- My PSA remains undetectable.      

The Bad- On occasion I'll still leak urine. A sneeze, cough, bending. having sex. If my bladder is not...

I was hoping a daily dose of Cialis would improve erectile functioning and result in my experiencing some night time erections. I did for a few days, and then they stopped completely. 

After another week I have to add this update-2 night time erections in a week. Since they last until I go to the bathroom, venous leak is not going to be an issue, and that is great news. The healing p...

I began a forum which was not user friendly, so today I linked an new forum for men and families who are pre and post prostate surgery. The link to the pre-surgery forum is:
http://presurgery.freeforums.net/index.cgi

The link for the post surgery forum is:                                       &nb...

An illness stopped my experiment with taking Cialis every day. Now that I have a few consecutive days in, I'm beginning to experience some night-time erections. This means 2 things:

1. My nerve bundles are beginning to heal.                                               &...

This week I just found out that Apple has accepted my book in ibooks. They permit a free download of the first 2 chapters to read. The price is the same as the Kindle price $2.99

A man newly diagnosed with prostate cancer wrote this on Amazon about our book:

Rick and Brenda have put together a lot of information useful to those of us dealing with prostate cancer. Questions to ask, a...

I had a full week of taking Cialis daily. During that week I had two partial night-time erections. Unfortunately I came down with a stomach flu and stopped taking my meds.  So far I've learned this: no Cialis, no night time erections.  Taking Cialis, some night time time erections. For that reason alone it's worth continuing a daily dose. If I see an improvement in the day tim...

Here are some of the comments we've received about our book:

23 months after surgery I find I am not having any night-time erections. Using 10 or 20mg of Levitra is hit and miss. Since I only get 8 pills per month, I found for the same price I can get thirty  2.5 mg of Cialis.

I want to find out if taking a smaller dose of medication on a daily basis would make a difference.  If anyone else has tried this I'd like to hear from them.

Today I realized that my website looked no different than any other website and I found that disturbing. So today I was inspired to place a relevant verse from the Bible on every page.

I did that for  very specific reasons. First I wanted to share and demonstrate my faith, but there was a second and much more important reason to do this.

Through those bible verses God's wor...

After 2 years of sharing my story on-line, my book which was co-authored with my wife is now available. We take the reader through the digital exam when a lump was found, through the biopsy, surgery and through 19 months of post-surgical adjustment. We share intimately about our emotional, relational, sexual and faith struggles in order to help couples process all the changes that occur as a re...

After 2 years of writing, I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where's Yours? Will be available in 2-3 weeks. The book covers the journey my wife & I had from the digital exam where a lump was discovered through 19 months post surgery. If someone you know is considering surgery our book will prepare the reader for essential issues like pain control after surgery, why a single day in the...

It looks like this will be the press release for our new book, which I hope will hit the shelves some time in Feb.

‘I Left My Prostate in San Francisco-Where’s Yours?’ tackles the subject of prostate cancer with faith, humor and wisdom.

New book reveals what prostate cancer patients need to know before choosing surgery.

MODESTO, Calif. – At...

When my wife and I finished the book, I realized, that I make so many mistakes with grammar and leaving words out of sentences, we couldn't skip and expensive editorial process. So we paid to havethe book edited.

When we went over the edited version, we found close to 100 mistakes the editors missed. I sent them the sample list of mistakes, and they agreed to re-edit the book.  H...

When I began this diary I was terrified after my urologist discovered a "suspicious lump" which is where my journey with PC began.

Now I'm using different formats to reach out to  men recently diagnosed, men and their partners who need support after surgery. 

Instead of a diary,  I started a blog. The site is:

http://whereisyourprostate.blogspot.co...

When I began this diary I was terrified. The word cancer brings up very frightening images to my mind. If someone would have told me I would be writing a book and creating a website for men choosing  surgery, I would told you that you were out of your mind. 

It isn't simply a function of the passage of time that makes things better. Time can make things worse. 17 months afte...

Yesterday almost 17 months post surgery, I decided to risk going to work without wearing a pad. My commute to work is under 5 minutes. I used the bathroom right before heading out in order to emptymy bladder.

When I reached the parking lot I got out of my car. I didn't take 2 steps before is suddenly and unexpectedly sneezed. Immediately I felt myself leak. I went to the bathroom and...

At 17th month post surgery, I have to say looking back I was totally unprepared to go through this post surgical journey. From the first night in the hospital to the present, nothing turned out the way I expected, with one BIG exception. I was cured of PC. For that I'm thankful!!

I'm wondering if those who read this would please answer the following question:

After Surg...

We often have songs that remind us of specific times in our lives. I didn't realize it until last night that my theme song since surgery came from a Beatle song titled "Yesterday" Here's been my theme song for 16 months:

Suddenly I’m not half the man I used to be,
There’s a shadow hanging over me. Oh yesterday came suddenly.

T...

Surgery cured me of prostate cancer, and for that I'm grateful. However, I'm still terminal. If you are reading this, so are you. Everyone is going to die some how, whether it be through illness,   injury, accident, disease or old age.

I'm surprised that so many people don't believe the things Jesus said and promised.  What I found most offensive until I believed...

15 months after prostate surgery I'm still dealing with Erectile Dysfunction. I'd hoped penile injections would worked until my erectile abilities returned, but they didn't. 

SometimesI have a response with ED medication, sometimes I  don't. I haven't had a night time erection in more than a month.  This is one post surgical symptom, I've taken so serio...

One of my biggest regrets following my dx of PC, was that I didn't use the time between my biopsy and surgery to go away and create great memories with my wife. 

Currently I'm waitingfor a biopsy and surgery for a lesion that could be skin cancer. However before surgery I decided to take my wife for a trip to  Pacific Grove. We've had a great time. We've been ble...

When I went for my yearly physical, my Dr discovered a large spot inside my ear. He referred me to a Dermatologist. He said this spot which developed in my ear suddenly had to surgically removed. ;

Due to it's location, I'd need a plastic surgeon to remove the spot and put a skin graft in my ear.

Before performing surgery, the plastic surgeon wanted to perform a biopsy....

When I was first dx with PC I made a promise to my wife. That promise was to seek any treatment available which would maximize our time together. So when I chose surgery I was willing to risk life long issues with urinary control, as well as 2 years or more with erectile dysfunction in order to be healed from PC. 

There is a disease that kills thousands of men a year, but no o...

For the 2nd time in less than a month I find myself waiting for an appointment to see whether I have skin cancer. Prior to this it was whether I had colon cancer, and prior to that, the discovery Ihad prostate cancer.

I don't know whether waiting itself is difficult or my ability to wait is the issue. I hated waiting for my prostate biopsy, I hated waiting for the results, I hated wai...

Today I went for my yearly physical. The Dr began by looking in my ear. Immediately he noticed a growth on the outside portion of my ear. He told me I need to make an appointment to see a dermatologist.

When I got home and told this to my wife (who is an RN) she was upset to hear about this. I had no idea why. I was thinking I had a wart or something like that.

My wife informed me I...

What a relief!!  Rather than have my next colonsocopy in 10 years, I have to have my next one in 5 years. That's it. I'm done. Next stop Disneyland...

It's been a long 2 weeks. In 7 hours I find out if I have colon cancer. I've had a few fearful moments, but nothing even close to what I experienced while waiting for my prostate biopsy. Infact even I heard those awful words a second time "you have cancer" There's no way I'll be as devastated.

There are two reasons for this:

1. Going from healthy to hearing...

If there's one thing prostate cancer has taught me it's this: How important it is to keep current on age appropriate tests. 

Two types of cancer run in my family: 1) Prostate, 2) Colon Cancer.

At 50 I went for my first colonoscopy.  No issues found and I was told to have another test when I turned 60. So the month I turned 60 I had the test again.  This time t...

Hard to believe I'm a year post surgery (March 15th). I was not one of those fortunate men who recovered everything shortly after the catheter was removed. Heck 11 months post surgery I was still experiencing bladder spasms, which usually go away in the first 1-2 months. I didn't have to suffer that long, it took me that long to get on a medication to stop the spasms.

I wasn&...

My wife and I went on a romantic get-a-way. with me taking a new ED medication script which I thought was certain to work. It didn't. Months ago this would have ruined the entire time away.

While I was disappointed, my wife and I had a wonderful time together. Our biggest disappointment was we wished we could have got away for more than 2 nights.

Here's been my experience wi...

Went to UCSF today. Received my first and last injection of tri-mix.  This medication seriously hurts.  

The Nurse Practitioner checked my injection technique, no problems there.  ;Unfortunately,  I didn't respond to the tri-mix. In fact she said she's never seen a case where someone is getting some response to ED medication and no response to injections.  ...

After months of injecting if someone would have told me that there would come a time when  I would miss injecting or tell me I'd take off from work and drive 200 miles so I could continue to inject, I'd have called that person crazy.  Yet in 2 more days I'm doing just that.

I'm driving 200 miles in the hopes of getting a new more concentrated dose of medication...

In Jan I had two nights where I woke up to use the bathroom and discovered I had an erection.  My hopes soared because that is a sign my nerve bundles are beginning to heal.  I thought I'd become response to ED medication and perhaps give up injecting. 

Then a month went by. No erections, no response to injections, and little response to ED medication.  Today I my...

At UCSF I was told not to inject on days when I've taken ED medication. Since I wasn't getting erections consistently with injections or ED medication I decided to try both together. I wasn't surprised when the combination did not work. 

It's very clear to me that my expectations with nerve bundle healing was wrong. I thought once you experience improvement, you conti...

I remember the healing process of regaining urinary control. At first every day was a bad day. Then I'd have a good day. This would raise my hopes that I was developing control. Then another badday would dash those hopes.

I'm experiencing this again with nerve bundle healing. One day I'll have an erection with levitra and I'll think I'm healing, the next day no respons...

Last night I hit a milestone with regard to nerve bundle healing. I experienced my first night time erection since surgery. It wasn't like an erection I had pre-surgery, but it was an erection none the less. 

I purposely waited 30 minutes before going to the bathroom because I wanted to keep a good blood supply to my penis. I also wanted to test whether I'd developed a venous...

I started cutting a levitra in half and taking it 3x's per week, beginning two weeks prior to my surgery. At 9 months post surgery I've had no response with regard to erections.  

With injections failing to work I thought I was a year our more away from experiencing an erection.

Today I got the surprise of my life. I was able to get a usable erection after taking a whol...

When I went to UCSF to learn penile injecting we found a dose that worked well. It was 60ml. I was told to expect an erection to last about an hour after the injection.

They explained  thatas the nerve bundles began to heal, my erections would last longer than an hour. When that happened it was time to begin cutting my dose of bi mix.

Sadly the exact opposite has happened. I di...

There was an old song which went "Love & Marriage go together like a house and carriage."  

Pain and romance don't go as well together. Here's what a romantic time looks like injecting.

I wanted to try injecting without the auto injector to make sure I was getting the needle all the way in before pushing out the bi mix. I didn't get 1/3 in before I rea...

This month I had two injections which I didn't respond to the medication. The last time this happened I thought the needle did not get to the proper depth. Unfortunately, the tip of the injector is not clear so you could see that the needle went the proper depth.  

This annoys me because it's obvious the people who make these devises  don't talk to or understand...

 As I looked at my needle filled with bimix laying on the counter I found myself speaking to it. I asked the following question: What are you, and instrument of pain, or a gateway to pleasure? 

As if to answer my question, a flood of childhood memories came back to me. Having adults hold me down as struggled go get free. I didn’t want a painful injection

It's taken almost 9 months of grieving, but I've reached the other side. I find I'm no longer sad about the losses that prostate removal brings to physical intimacy. Losing the pleasurable sensation of ejaculation brought a sadness to each and every orgasm, until now. In addition often the intensity of the experience has been diminished. Now I can have some intense and some no...

When I was told both nerve bundles were spared, I assumed I would recover my erectile functioning rather quickly. When this didn't happen I became both discouraged and depressed.

 It's not as though I did nothing to help my recovery. I took ED meds before and after surgery. I tried using a pump. I tried the pump + ED medication. All miserable failures.

Finally I went w...

Dr Mulhall describes the pain of injecting as a mosquito bite. So today I decided to try injecting without the auto injector. I could only get the needle half way in before pain (more like  a chain saw)  rather than a mosquito bite hit me. This  caused me to pull the needle out after it was half way in. There was no way I was willing to try a second time. I learned I can no longe...

Today I used the auto injector. It's  a relief I don't have to deal with the urge to pull out the needle in response to pain.  I press the button and the needle is in.  Since   I'm up to .70ml it takes time to push the bimix through.

I was in pain the entire time. When I pulled the needle out  I noticed that some how I bent the needle on a 45 degr...

Last week I went out for lunch with my wife and another couple. At some point I had to use the restroom. When I got there I realized had forgot to put on a pad. I left the restroom terrified. I was   certain I'd laugh at something and end up with wet pants and huge dose of embarrassment.

I was also  frustrated  that a senior moment led me to forget to put on a pad....

Two of the most distressing aftermaths of surgery are the loss of urinary control and erectile dysfunction. Most men make great strides with urinary control within 4-6 months.  

A much more  distressing symptom which lasts a much longer time is erectile dysfunction.  For the majority of men, drugs will not resolve this issue. For some men a vacuum pump works. It's a lon...

My auto injector was waiting for me when we arrived home from vacation. I opened the box and the package. I wasn’t impressed. The injector is all plastic. I was certain if I pulled too hard on the latch, I’d easily break it rendering the devise useless.

The first task was to figure out how to place the needle in the injector and lock it in place. Once that was  acc...

Once i regained urinary conrol I thought I'd have days that I'd forget I am a man with PC. I'm finding reminders in strange places. The other day I was sun bathing on the beach and I realized when I tookoff my shirt this was the first time my surgery scars were making a public appearance. The reminder came more forcefully when my 18 year old daughter seeing my scars for the first time said "Daddy...

For 2 weeks my wife, daughter and I are taking a vacation. It's great to be away. After spending a full day in Disney World and shopping in Down Town Disney in the evening I came back to the hotel DRY. Quite a change from 15 pads a day. Only one reminder of having PC for the day, i had a few painful bladder spasms. They came and went quickly. It's great to be away, it's great to be dry, an...

I used a marker and injected in the correct place. I'm finding it much more difficult as time goes on, to press the needle all the way in. When I experience the pain of inserting the needle everything in me wants to pull  the needle out rather than keep pushing it in against the pain.

I'm glad I've ordered an auto injector I hope that helps with this issue. I'm a...

I don't get it, I inject in the wrong area, puncture my urethra and the injection works. I get more info from UCSF, inject properly, then nothing happens.

Dr Mulhall wrote an outstandingbook titled Saving Your Sex Life. Its must read for any man who wants to preserve his sexual functioning after Prostate surgery. He states that high levels of adrenaline turns off erections even with...

First I learned it's very important to be patient. It took me 3 consecutive days calling UCSF one time per day before I spoke with the nurse I needed to speak with.

The second thing I learned is the importance of being persistent. I didn't give up. I didn't give up on the idea of injecting, and I didn't give up on getting help from UCSF.  I kept calling every da...

One advantage a person of faith has over someone without faith, is we have the Living God to guide us. I knew there were lessons I needed  to learn as a result of my botched penile injection.

The  first lesson involved a familiar emotion, fear. I had no idea what I did wrong with my last injection. The one thing I was sure of was there was no way that I wanted to see blood flow...

Today was my 5th time injecting. I told my wife before I injected that rather than get easier, this feels more difficult each and every time. I've also noticed rather than gain confidence over time with my ability to inject I find myself less confident and more worried I'll do something wrong.

Ironically the day I shared this with my wife, was the day I did something wrong. ...

Dr Mulhall in his book Saving Your Sex Life says that sexual stimulation results in the relaxation of the pelvic floor musculature. For men this means you may leak urine during foreplay and you may ejaculate several ounces of  urine during climax. He says up to 90% of men will experience this at least once and 20% will experience this on a consistent basis for for 1-2 years.

If...

I'm grateful I conquered my fears and learned how to perform penile injections. Most urologists do not warn men that going more than 6 months without an erection can cause permanent damage in the form of a venous leak.  

A venous leak means a man will lose his ability to keep an erection without a ring, or you will need to inject for the rest of you  life, because blood...

There is some controversy as to whether surgery is necessary to treat prostate cancer

Out of 50,000 radical prostatectomies performed every year in the United States alone,” Dr. Scholzclaims, “more than 40,000 are unnecessary. In other words, the vast majority of men with prostate cancer would have lived just as long without any operation at all.

Reading the Invas...

Injected for the 3rd time.  Here were the good things I discovered:

1. Found the right dosage and have achieved  a usable erection. YEA!!         2 .Taking Tylenol   prior to injecting stopped post injection pain.                       3. I will be able to keep this up. This means I will  s...

Meds and needles arrived and I decided to use them that night. My first attempt with the needle was too close to a vein so I stopped half way, pulled the needle out and chose a different injection   site.

I found it hurt to inject and it hurt pushing the meds through the needle. For first 10 minutes nothing. I was VERY disappointed.  About 10 minutes later the dead began to...

I'm from NY. Even as a teenage driver I hated waiting. In fact I wondered back then if I had to drive to my own execution, would I be in the left lane passing everyone I could to get there as quickly   as possible. The answer back then is the same answer I'd give now 41 years later. I'd not only be in the left lane, I'd be furious if a slow driver was delaying the trip...

 There’s something very creepy happening to me with my relationship to my cell phone. Years back, all I did was use my phone for making phone calls. Those were the days when a phone was justa phone.

Over time cell phones began to come with more capabilities. I started with a phone that could play music from the phone to my FM radio. So my phone became a way for me to hear the...

Today I went to UCSF to learn how to perform penile injections.  I am almost 5 months post surgery. I've had no success with ED medications or ED meds+the Vacuum pump.

I found the process  somewhat intimidating. At UCSF I had a female Nurse Practitioner examine me and teach me the process. I was surprised when she gave me the needle and asked me to inject myself. 

Saying Goodbye to Depends and staying dry at night wasn't the end of urinary incontinence. Stress Incontinence still remains.

Sometimes I'll cough and there's no leak, another timeI'll cough and I'll leak quite a bit. Same with lifting, bending, sneezing, getting up from a chair, speaking loudly or a host of other activities as simple as yawning can cause me to leak.

After 4 months of wearing Depends at night, i finally tried sleeping without one. In the morning, both the bed & I were dry! Saying goodbye to Depends was NOT a sad parting. In fact that's something tocelebrate! Nine days left until I learn to inject....

Once urinary control is established, it's much easier to think about re- establishing a sexual relationship. The issue for every man is what can be done to achieve an erection.  My Urologist  started me on ED meds prior to surgery. However 14 weeks post surgery ED medication had no effect what so ever. 

For me,  the next logical step was the vacuum pump. I combined...

Losing erectile functioning is somewhat like trying to drive a car blindfolded. An erection serves as a signal to a man that he is ready, willing, and ABLE, to engage in sexual relations. A wise husband would use that signal (his erection) to spend a few hours reaching out to his wife in ways that would increase the likelihood of this wife wanting to respond to his sexual advances. Those...

An article published in the NY Times says this:

"One in five men who undergoes prostate surgery to treat cancer later regrets the decision, a new study shows. And surprisingly, regret is the highest among men who opt for robotic prostatectomy, a minimally invasive surgery that is growing in popularity as a treatment."

As I've read through many Dr's Websites fo...

For the last few weeks it's been great going from 10-15 depends daily down to 2 pads per day and one for evening. This week I've taken a setback. It seems every time I bend, sneeze, laugh orcough, I'm leaking urine. I'm still using the same number of pads, but the volume of urine has increased.

For the last 12 hours, I've had many painful bladder spasms and severe burn...

I just wrote this note to someone who just joined the forum. He was having very early recovery of both urinary control and sexual functioning.  Rather than be pleased he was feeling sad. My response surprised me and made me think about what's been going on with me. Here's what I realized:

 Receiving the diagnosis of prostate cancer is a major physical and emotional...

 In the last 7-10 days I've regained about 95% of urinary control back. This development lifted my mood and sense of hope. I expected things between my wife and I to get immediately better. Instead things got worse!

I didn't realize the stress and toll all of this has taken on my wife. I also must admit, in coping with so much I wasn't very available to met her nee...

Today at UCSF my Oncology Urologist said it was his belief  I'm cured of Prostate Cancer! That's the hope of everyone who choses surgery as a treatment option. This news combined with the leap in urinary control I've gained this week, makes it the best post surgery week I've had.

Now I'm ready to deal with the next issue post surgery ED. I purchased a vacuum pump...

Our son was married last weekend. While I had to use the bathroom many times throughout the event, I was so happy I actually enjoyed being with people.  As an added bonus a few days later urinarycontrol improved greatly. Down to 3 pads a day, and most of the time, those pads are not very wet.

Still dealing with an overactive bladder and ED issues. I've read that it could take as...

Good News- 3 month PSA .01   Bad News- Going to bathroom every hour. Urologist thinks I might have a reoccurance of interstitial cystitis. He does not want to treat me until my consult on June3rd at UCSF.  That decision was very frustrating to me. Not much I can do. On the urinary incontinence front,  down to 3-4 Depends a day. That represents great progress. On the ED front, ver...

This recovery dance is HARD.  Back in Depends.  Going to the bathroom almost twice per/hour + leaking. Called the Urologist for an appointment.  The only good news is I don't feelgoing back in Depends is resulting in an age regression. My wife and I were able to address some difficult issues effecting our marriage. I was correct in that I have not been emotionally available....

Since my catheter was pulled 7 weeks ago I've been wearing Depends 24/7. Today I thought I had enough control to put on Sir Dignity underwear. It was an amazing  feeling! Bam! Just like thatI felt like an adult again.

I never realized just how much wearing diapers made me feel like a little child until I took them off and managed without them.  This was such a rapid transiti...

8 weeks post surgery still going through a minimum of 5 pull ups per/day.  We needed to get away so my wife, daughter, dog, and I went to Pacific Grove for 3 days. It was great to be on the beachand away from every thing familiar. 

From the other direction I spend a lot of time in search of public restrooms. It was a lot of work. At times I was frustrated, at other times I actua...

I've found a unexpected and unpleasant surprise as I've re-entered the world post prostate surgery. Almost everyone says "You look REALLY good"- Translation "You don't look  like you have cancer"

I've noticed there is an "Expectation gap" that's making it increasingly difficult to be with people. Everyone who knows my story is obvious...

As progress is moving slow, I've been trying to find out the best brand and the best pad combo to stay away from home as long as possible. It seems like every brand I've tried other than Dependsis simply awful.  So the Combination of a Depends + a Tena pad works the best.  With that combo I can get 2-3 hours.  Depending on how much I leak, sometimes I can just pull out th...

I mistakenly  believed  that once my surgery was over the worst had passed. In reality the worst didn't START until my catheter was removed. For the last month I haven't  left the house for more than 2 hours. If it were up to me wouldn't leave the house at all. This issue of urinary incontinence dominates my life. Until yesterday I was unaware of the e...

I am very blessed with a wife who cares deeply about the state of our marriage. Yesterday I was confronted with the fact that I've been very withdrawn, showing very little interest in what my wife is going through, not wanting to leave the house for more than an hour, unwilling to go out and have fun, and finally not being very affectionate.

I realized I've felt like a little...

It's been 21 days since my catheter was removed. I've noticed some improvement at night, but hardly any change in control in the day time. Emotionally I've been all over the place. Somtimes I'm very discouraged. After a relatively dry night, the morning starts off well. After a few hours, the leaking starts again and I realize it's another day without change. I'm learning it's not good to tie my e...

As I've read many threads it seems that a lot of men who find themselves unable to obtain an erection decide to ignore or neglect their sexuality and their wives sexuality as well. This is a huge mistake. This decision will bring pain, hurt, frustration and a loss of good feelings toward one another.

There is no doubt that sex after a prosectomy is not the same as sex before su...

My decision to treat my prostate cancer with a surgical option was a sacrificial decision made in love. Each man who chose the surgical option did so with the knowledge of the losses they'd face.  They made the decision anyway because they believed this was the best and most effective way to treat their cancer. They were willing to go through all the losses in exchange for a longer pe...

Endless days of leaking and changing pads can be not only physically,  but emotionally draining as well. It would be easy to become depressed, especially when living like this could go on for months on end. In the book How to let God Solve Your Problems by Charles Stanley he writes:

Endurance means that I am willing to stay at my post where God has placed me-until He tell...

 Yesterday I learned personally and from another person the recovery dance has some backward steps. There person I spoke to had night time dryness for a few days, then lost that for period of time.  Yesterday, I spent most of the day dripping. When I felt urgency, usually got a very small stream. Went through 8-10 pads. Leaked through once, but not because the pad was full. It was a s...

The first night this happened I went into a panic.  For the day I was able to stay dry for significant periods of time. Then night time came. I leaked like a dripping faucet. I thought I'dtaken a turn for the worse. 

My problem is I don't know the dance steps of this recovery. Is it 1 step forward 1 step back, 2 forward one back maybe 1 step forward 2 back.  I'm...

Today I decided to use Depends with a Tena pad inside. For the first time since the catheter was removed I haven't leaked through or needed to change my clothes.  One of those small things to celebrate.  

If that wasn't enough, I'm starting to get a sense of needing to urinate AND the ability to hold it in to make it to the bathroom.  This too is cause for...

Today during one leak, urine began dripping onto my shoe. My shoe was a light color so the drops of urine showed.  I cried out to God, Lord another level of humiliation, how much lower will you take me?

It's wonderful talking to God in every circumstance. I noticed something I hadn't realized with the majority of my leaks. I was leaking through a relatively new pad. In f...

I thought I was getting things under control. I thought wrong. Started drinking normally yesterday. I used 8-10.  Went to the mall, took a mile walk and had my eyes examined.

During those  errands, I leaked through 3 pair of pants.  I came home from one of those errands so wet my legs were moist from urine. 

Emotionally it was a jumbled day. On the one hand it fe...

Now that I've given up the idea of getting  the last drop of fluid into my pad before changing there's no leaks or skin irritation.  I took a long walk and I'm feeling much betterdoay.  Pads will need to become second nature now, and I'm convinced this is the new normal for a while. It's uncomfortable leaking a lot but that's to be expected for the next fe...

When my catheter was pulled and my pain went from a level 6 down to a level 1 I thought happiness was just around the corner. My first day without the catheter wasn't the easy day I thought it   would be.

I put my first pad in, I took a walk and thought, free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty free at last. After the walk I sat down in a chair feeling thankful the cath...