Usually its the other way around. Usually your tired of everyone else's lies and excuses.  I cruise around on this website and see plenty of posts from other bipolars  that seem to leadpretty normal lives.  They work, they have functioning relationships, and they get on with their lives.  Life has it's ups and downs.  Unfortunately we seem to experience that a little more extremely.

I've been putting things off and using the bipolar disorder as a cover.  I haven't returned to work for two months because "my meds aren't right yet."  I can't take time off work every time I have a glitch in the system.  I have to bring myself through it.  I am embarrassed to tell my best friend that I haven't made an attempt yet to get back to work.  But I would rather have him dissapointed in me then lie to him.  Luckily I am living with my mom right now and she has helped me take the time to get my meds straight.  I seriously feel that I am using the that as a crutch to not get back on my feet.  I just can't do this anymore.  I need to man up and be able to take care of myself.  Mom won't be here forever.  It's hard getting back on my feet but I really need to do something.

I've used the disorder as an excuse for other things.  For example, my marriage fallin apart.  When I really got sick and was hospitalized twice in two months, my wife was really there for me.  She was the one that called my brother that lives upstate and had him come down to bring me to the hospital.  She was really worried about me.  She came and visited me just about everyday that i was in the hospital.  She even held down a second job so that we still made the mortgage payment.  Things I guess got really rough when I got out of the hospital but couldn't really hold down a job.  I guess there is a limit to what one person can endure for the one they love.  Although I was told that love was to be unconditional, that isn't always the case.  I was bitter for a long time.  I felt that she left me because I was bipolar and when the going got tough, she got going.  Maybe to some extent that still holds true but I guess I just have to let it go.  The past is the past.  I still have love for her but I would never reconcile with her because she left me in my time of need.  Does that leave me a little jaded towards my next relationship?  Not necessarily but it does make me a little more cautious.

   With that little schpeil it puts me to another aspect of my life.  I need to move on and try to date again.  I've been hovering over weather or not to try online dating for the last two months.  I partly hesitated because I have been out of work and it cost a couple bucks.  But I think I'm finally ready to get back to work, get back on the market, and start living my life again.  I can't live in my mom's basement apartment forever.  I am taking my life back.  No more bull.....