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jaguarandcubs The many faces of me......which one is the real one?

Had a bit of a wake-up call

May 27 2010

Well, I went to work with Lon, my husband, the other day.  He had a friend of his, Dave, come to help out as well.  MASSIVE job - it took us 3 days to get it done.  We even had a coupleof other guys helping.

Anyway, Lon went off to get something, and Dave and I were just chatting.  I had only met Dave once, mind you.  Lon always goes out to his place to see him, or they chat online.  All good - Dave is a great guy.  A real goof.

Dave asked me why I don't show Lon any affection.  He said that Lon is hurting and that he needs me to show him that I love him.  I told Dave that I DO love Lon, and I do show it.  Perhaps not in the way that he needs me to.  But just in those little ways.

To be honest, I don't really know WHY I'm not overly affectionate with Lon.  I used to be - I was always jumping his bones, cuddling etc.  I guess I just always loved the excitement of the early days - the classic honeymoon period.  And the challenge of conquering a man.

Perhaps I was just always shallow.  And I was with Lon, too.  He loved me SO much right from the start, and that to me was more of a thrill than anything.  Lon is the only man I have truly loved in my life, but perhaps old habits die hard.

I know that relationships change over the years.  Lon and I have been together for 11 years now, with 2 girls, so it is inevitable that our relationship would be different now.  But that is no excuse for neglecting him.  

I never realised this was happening until it was pointed out to me.  Lon won't talk to me, because I have burned him for that in the past.  So it is my own fault.  And now I don't have any excuses - I know I have bipolar, and I am being treated for it.  Lon always knew I needed help.  I wouldn't listen to him, though.

I'm very stable now - still! - and no longer volatile.  So maybe, just maybe, I can be the wife Lon deserves.  Maybe I can be the person he fell in love with all those years ago.  Because I do love him - so much.

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