|May 27 2010|
Well, I went to work with Lon, my husband, the other day. He had a friend of his, Dave, come to help out as well. MASSIVE job - it took us 3 days to get it done. We even had a coupleof other guys helping.
Anyway, Lon went off to get something, and Dave and I were just chatting. I had only met Dave once, mind you. Lon always goes out to his place to see him, or they chat online. All good - Dave is a great guy. A real goof.
Dave asked me why I don't show Lon any affection. He said that Lon is hurting and that he needs me to show him that I love him. I told Dave that I DO love Lon, and I do show it. Perhaps not in the way that he needs me to. But just in those little ways.
To be honest, I don't really know WHY I'm not overly affectionate with Lon. I used to be - I was always jumping his bones, cuddling etc. I guess I just always loved the excitement of the early days - the classic honeymoon period. And the challenge of conquering a man.
Perhaps I was just always shallow. And I was with Lon, too. He loved me SO much right from the start, and that to me was more of a thrill than anything. Lon is the only man I have truly loved in my life, but perhaps old habits die hard.
I know that relationships change over the years. Lon and I have been together for 11 years now, with 2 girls, so it is inevitable that our relationship would be different now. But that is no excuse for neglecting him.
I never realised this was happening until it was pointed out to me. Lon won't talk to me, because I have burned him for that in the past. So it is my own fault. And now I don't have any excuses - I know I have bipolar, and I am being treated for it. Lon always knew I needed help. I wouldn't listen to him, though.
I'm very stable now - still! - and no longer volatile. So maybe, just maybe, I can be the wife Lon deserves. Maybe I can be the person he fell in love with all those years ago. Because I do love him - so much.
My head is in a good place!
More random ramblings
For crying out loud!!!!!!!
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I'm still in a drug-induced haze....
Ramblings of a drugged mind
I've gone to loopy-ville!
Anxious, alone and isolated
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