I am so tired of this flare. One day I feel great/"normal" and the next I get reminded that I'm sick. Please someone stop this roller coaster ride. If just one person would of said thingsare going to get worse before they get better I could have handle that. Maybe they did and I just wasn't listening. I feels like I as lose ground. It has been 2 full wks with the methorexate and I have good days, ok days, and bad days. Serioiusly, 4 more wks until the drug starts working...come on already. Am I losing ground? For 2 days I have been have major middle and lower lobe pain. Went to the MD got a chest x-ray and of course it clear. Has to be muscle but 2 Darvoet, Flexeril, and 2 heat packs and it is only bearable. It feels like I pulled muscle that someone keeps stabbing with a fire hot glass rod. Fun right? Both on my MDs want to get a CT this morning. I don't know how I feel about that. I don't want to have my mother, yet again, drive "Miss Daisy" to another doctor's visit. Don't get me wrong mom has been god sent but I wish that I could do something for myself. And just for the shits and giggles of it all....I finally was getting tapered off the prednisone. BUT now I have from 15mg all the way to 40mg. How much more wt can I gain? I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Everyone says..."RELAX & TAKE IT EASY" yea right. Have they ever met me? I don't know how to do that. Plus with 40mg of prednisone I should be jacked up enough to build another 5,000 lupus inspired gardens. Somebody please stop me! But in all reality, I love my flowers. It has been one of the few things that keep me happy and going. I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends, family, doctors, teachers, etc. One of my greatest fears at this point is that I won't be ready to go back to work in June. I know that it is just time. Thanks GOD that I have a supportive job and am in great standings money wise. I miss working. WAIT!!! Did I just say that? I miss being able to work out! I SAID IT AGAIN. I should be shouting from the roof top, "MY RHUMMY SAYS NO EXERCISE FOR AT LEAST A MONTH, WHOOOHOOO!" But I even miss that too. What is the AA saying? One day at a time. I can be extremely grateful that all of this has giving me time to look around. Be thankful for the things I have and the people that support me.