I am so tired of this flare. One day I feel great/"normal" and the next I get reminded that I'm sick. Please someone stop this roller coaster ride. If just one person would of said thingsare going to get worse before they get better I could have handle that. Maybe they did and I just wasn't listening. I feels like I as lose ground. It has been 2 full wks with the methorexate and I have good days, ok days, and bad days. Serioiusly, 4 more wks until the drug starts working...come on already. Am I losing ground? For 2 days I have been have major middle and lower lobe pain. Went to the MD got a chest x-ray and of course it clear. Has to be muscle but 2 Darvoet, Flexeril, and 2 heat packs and it is only bearable. It feels like I pulled muscle that someone keeps stabbing with a fire hot glass rod. Fun right? Both on my MDs want to get a CT this morning. I don't know how I feel about that. I don't want to have my mother, yet again, drive "Miss Daisy" to another doctor's visit. Don't get me wrong mom has been god sent but I wish that I could do something for myself. And just for the shits and giggles of it all....I finally was getting tapered off the prednisone. BUT now I have from 15mg all the way to 40mg. How much more wt can I gain? I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Everyone says..."RELAX & TAKE IT EASY" yea right. Have they ever met me? I don't know how to do that. Plus with 40mg of prednisone I should be jacked up enough to build another 5,000 lupus inspired gardens. Somebody please stop me! But in all reality, I love my flowers. It has been one of the few things that keep me happy and going. I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends, family, doctors, teachers, etc. One of my greatest fears at this point is that I won't be ready to go back to work in June. I know that it is just time. Thanks GOD that I have a supportive job and am in great standings money wise. I miss working. WAIT!!! Did I just say that? I miss being able to work out! I SAID IT AGAIN. I should be shouting from the roof top, "MY RHUMMY SAYS NO EXERCISE FOR AT LEAST A MONTH, WHOOOHOOO!" But I even miss that too. What is the AA saying? One day at a time. I can be extremely grateful that all of this has giving me time to look around. Be thankful for the things I have and the people that support me.

Since all this started, I just wanted one FULL 24hrs without feeling like I was circling the drain. For several months, I felt like something was wrong. About a month ago, it ..."lupus"....  knocked me on my ass. I just didn't feel right. I ended up @ work dizzy and light-headed. And then...taken down stairs to the ER. Blah, blah, blah.... Now that I know what was/is wrong with me and I am getting treatment. I have never felt worse....and never felt better! So maybe I'm not as crazy as I thought after all. Well...maybe...well maybe not.... @ least I feel crazy as my "normal" self.

What is it about grape slushies from Sonic that I crave? I'm sure in all actuality it's the sugar and cold thing. Funny thing is when my mom had her lupus flare she also had a grape slushy thang....And I guess for me it's not just grape. I had a 24oz cherry icee too. Maybe lupus and Sonic should get together for a promo. DING...DING......DING... YOU'RE A WINNER!!!!!Get diagnosised with Lupus, win a lifetime membership to the slushies club.

it has been a whole week of methotrexate. This mornin I feel pretty good. This past wk has been very difficult for me to accept that I am sick. Everyday the symptoms get worse and the docs say it willbe about a month until the methotrexate kicks in. R U KIDDING ME!!!!???? But today is better. I could be in the hospital. Instead I am @ home with my friends and family supporting me with every step. Word can not express the graditude I have for my peeps and my garden

Is prednisone God sent or the Devil....:evil: ? I have been in a flare for about a month. I recent got diagnosed about a week ago by my rhummy. My primary care doc started me on prednisone to tame the flare until the methotrexate kicks in:angry: I am 5'4 and have gained 45lbs. I now weigh 180lbs.:sick:  I never thought I would be this heavy until I was "prego"

But....I try to remember that least I am at home having this flare and treatment. My docs said that I could be in the hospital with everything that is going on but I can reckonize when something is different and treat the symptoms quickly with meds. My SED rate is [b]50[/b], RA 52[/b], SS-A & SS-B >8. Sooo....basically my body is raging!!!!!:( 

My rhummy has prescribe ABSOLUTELY NOOOO EXECRISE for a month. I never thought I would be so pissed to have a doc tell me not work-outor worry about losing wt. He said that after the flare the wt will come down. That it is just the prednisone. CAN ANYONE TELL ME THAT'S TRUE?

 felt like ass most of the day yesterday. 2 espisodes of perfuse sweating, labored resp (like a dog) and rapid hr. I think I even sent myself into a panic attack. I was soooo scared and starting crying infront of my mother. My muscles were twitching, head headed and generalized weakness. I am started to get tired of being tired!!! I want to make it a whole 24hrs without a "spell." Everyone says take it easy and relax. RELAX??? How the hell am I supposed to relax??? I feel like I have lose control of everything.

Today was the first day I really realize that I was "sick." I was so tired and all my  muscles ached while I was planting flowers. I can't believe that I was in such delinal. Why? Iguess I thought I could stay strong. I cried last night for the first time since this whole month started. I needed to let it out. I just couldn't in front of my family or friends. They are wonderful and have helped me stay calm. I won't let myslef feel bad about the flowers and trees that I have spent a fortune on. "IT'S MY LUPUS GARDERN!"