|Jun 16 2009|
I am fighting yet another craving due to one of my diseases (addiction).
I am craving coke sooooo bad (one of my past vices that I've been sober from for over a year now) and it's very overwhelming.
Good thing I'm in btw jobs right now b/c otherwise I'd most likely relaspe.
I'm tired of relasping every so often. It seems inevitable that I will have a relapse every now and then just like with BP disorder.
Most recently it was alcohol (two weeks ago). I drank till I got sick, how sick is that? I partially can't help it b/c alcoholism runs in the family (I should probably say addiction issues in general b/c my grandfather use to do opiam too).
But partially not being able to help it is not an excuse, I realize this.
god I hate being not only having addiction issues, but being Bipolar and having physical issues too.
No wonder sometimes I feel I'd be better off not in this life.
I feel like I'll never be fully free of these chains. With all of my issues, I at times feel like I'm in my own prison with chains all over my body.
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Why does everything have to be so damned hard?
what I've dealt with so far...
It all came flooding back!
Life can kick you in the butt