|Apr 12 2010|
|Mar 22 2010|
|Mar 11 2010|
|Jan 17 2010|
|Jun 16 2009|
I am fighting yet another craving due to one of my diseases (addiction).
I am craving coke sooooo bad (one of my past vices that I've been sober from for over a year now) and it's very overwhelming.
Good thing I'm in btw jobs right now b/c otherwise I'd most likely relaspe.
I'm tired of relasping every so often. It seems inevitable that I will have a r...
|Jun 15 2009|
The random thoughts thread in the BP group.
I've come in there and said: "I'm cornholio, I need TP for my bunghole! Are you threatening me?!"
All those who are Beavis and Butthead fans will know what I'm talking about, LOL!
I've said other things, but I love randomness (is that even a word?)
Especially saying stuff that's funny that'...
|Jun 15 2009|
So I've gotta p-doc appt coming up and I'm not sure what to complain about symptom wise "if" there are any complaints I can think of...
Maybe I'm lacking some insight, Idunno.
I'm too lazy to do moodtracker, LOL!
I guess I can only really say that I've been sometimes flat and sometimes irritable, antsy aka restless, and bored to dea...
|Jun 11 2009|
Okay, I'll probably be frowned upon for saying so, but whoever invented this internet invention has NO creativity. Who the hell cares putting up on your page what you're doing!
I.E.~I just ate a yummy pizza--My response to that twitter: Who the fuck cares?! Why do you think that you are so damn important that folks care what your are eating and when you are eating?!
|Jun 11 2009|
We didn't live in a world where you are judged by your status in the world, the kind of car you drive, whether or not you own a house, apt or condo, own extra material possessions thatyou can "show off" to others and/or bragg about going on extravagent vacations.
That is the big picture in my eyes of the main ways that we are judged by other people. It bugs m...
|Jun 02 2009|
Two steps forward, one step back....
I feel like as soon as I start feeling better, the sooner the other half of my disorder rears it's ugly head again.
I'm really tired of going through this. Right now I want to just sleep all of the time as if an anchor is drawing me further into the depths of the sea and when I'm awake and the "anchor" lifts a bit...
|May 27 2009|
I'm such a weirdo sometimes and I somewhat don't know why.
Sometimes I'm very outgoing; other times I'm very shy and recluse to the point where I feel bashful participatingeven in groups aside from face to face interaction.
Sometimes I know the reasons why I am acting this way. I could have nothing to say or I am afraid I might say something stupid.
|May 26 2009|
Even though I have a love/hate relationship with meds due to the many side effects I have experienced, the current med combo to treat my Bipolar disorder appears to be kicking in.
There'sa freedom in not having any irrational thoughts in wanting to leave this world...
A freedom in the depression subsiding...
A freedom in the calming effect on the symptom of irritabil...
|May 22 2009|
It never ceases to amaze me the often times superficialness of the exchanges: "How are you doing?" and "How are you?"
I'm not refering to folks on this site. Folkson this site are genuine.
A lot of folks outside this site are not.
I always wonder: why do people ask if they do not want to hear it if you're not doing well?
|May 05 2009|
For the past three days I have had the motivation to get my arse to the gym to do some cardio and lift weights.
I'm hoping to stay motivated since I not only need to lose some weight, I need to get back into the groove of working out on a regular basis since working out can make you feel so much better about yourself.
I really hope to continue to stick with motivation. My bigge...
|Apr 25 2009|
What is the point of going to a job fair if you can't pass out your resume and possibly get an on the spot interview?
Every job fair that I've gone to I've been told to apply online.
Today I went to a Verizon wireless job fair and was told to apply online and 95% of the time they hire within the company.
So, you basically get a 5% chanc...
|Apr 22 2009|
Plain and simple; I'm getting tired of this shit.
It's getting old..
I can't be effective when I'm like this.
Gotta hang in there until my next p-doc appt (next Wednesday)......
|Apr 01 2009|
Lately I have been having trouble sleeping. The trouble is usually falling asleep although sometimes it's both trying to fall asleep and trying to stay asleep.
I hate it when I get manic like this. All I want to do is sleep like a normal person and my body doesn't want me to and the medications don't always help solve the problem.
Plan for tomorrow will have t...
|Feb 12 2009|
"The key to successful leadership is influence, not authority."
"Minds arelike parachutes. They only function when they are open."
~Sir James Dewar
"I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and tha...
|Feb 04 2009|
A member posted a very good answer to a question that can be very misunderstood and if I missed anything in posting this, feel free to leave a comment.
A crisis isnot just feeling suicidal or having a plan in place, a crisis can also involve decomping.
You may ask, what does decomping look like??
|Jan 30 2009|
So today I was a bit manic or shall I say "hypomanic" and finally brought myself to clean my master bedroom and that included the scrubbing of the floor where there was a struggle to put me in some sort of ambulance chair/sling thing (whatever it was, I don't know; some sort of carrier) to carry me down the stairs through the front door into the ambulance soon after I at...
|Jan 30 2009|
I went to a doctor appt to address fibromyalgia. She tested me for lupus, etc and all came out neg. She checked my pressure points and most of them were tender to the touch. I told her that I had two painful episodes followed by extreme fatigue this month. I also told her that I looked into acupuncture, but it's too expensive. She asked me if I looked into physical therapy. I to...
|Jan 29 2009|
So I went into the p-doc's office as a walk in due to concerns over the Topamax not curbing my appetite after taking Seroqeul @ night thinking I was going to see the NP after waiting for almost2hrs. I was called by the p-doc. He said that the NP is too busy today to take me in, so in my head I was thinking: okay, I'll have to settle since I like working with her better than him...oh wel...
|Jan 23 2009|
The session was pretty productive. He asked if I had found a face to face group (forum) to attend at the hospital he recommended. I told him that it's a general forum (could be about any topic) and it's every 4th Wens of the month @ 6:30pm and told him that I don't see attending the forum as beneficial for me. He asked how I fill up my time besides looking for a decent job. I d...
|Jan 12 2009|
All around the session was a pretty good one. One thing that made threw me off a little was the reference that I should know how to deal with my illness in various ways since I am a former mental health worker. I can see his point. On the other hand, I realize that sometimes I need to hear someone whether it be a professional or caring person ways to steer myself in the r...
|Dec 30 2008|
Yetanother update: I saw a psychologist today and we talked about my history and recent episode, and a bunch of other stuff.
He wants me to try to fill up my schedule as much as possible by using a planner (he realizes that's hard when you're not working) while looking for a job, continue w/med compliance, research places I can go in the event that I get kic...
|Dec 29 2008|
So I saw the np today. My p-doc happened to be there (I guess things changed). We went over a past episode that was already documented and the most recent one.
We talked about the suicidal attemptand I told her that triggers got me into the mindset of not wanting to live anymore. She asked how many pills I took. I told her that I honestly don't remember. She then asked how...
|Dec 28 2008|
I wish I could change that damn diary name. I don't know how it got that way. Anyway, I was just called from my p-doc's office and was told that he can't make it in tomorrow b/c something came up. I asked her if I can see someone else b/c the reason I need to come in earlier than expected is b/c of my recent attempt.
She told me that I can see a nurse practitioner that s...
|Dec 27 2008|
I will be seeing the p-doc next week and found a psychologist to schedule an appt with. The psychologist seems like a nice person, knock on wood.
My parents were part of the push to see a psychologistb/c they're concerned as well and know that I really need to talk to a professional and are willing to help out w/that while I search for a job, which made me feel really guilty at f...
|Dec 26 2008|
So yesterday wasn't a merry christmas, it was the christmas from hell; worse than Christmas eve. My mom was high strung on both holidays and it was driving me crazy and a lot of what was said could have been dropped, but no not my mom; she's the queen of especially bringing up the past instead of moving forward (a lot of which were references to the past that co...
|Dec 10 2008|
I was lucky to get into see another internist.
I am switching due to the looong wait with my other one; usually 2hrs in the waiting room and sometimes an hour waiting in the patient room and no apologies. I only went to this one out of convience and she's very thorough and nice I'll give her that, but the wait is too long since she takes in way too...
|Dec 07 2008|
Hopefully this entry will come out right this time (it spreaded out past the border). I'm giving this another shot and hopefully it'll come out right.
I posted this in the BPII group aswell, but this can help for others who have questions that need to be answered.
Tips in general to very common inquiries:
The most appropriate professional to evaluate y...
|Dec 04 2008|
Why the hell do they take in these kind of patients when they don't kn...