Inadequate

I had a thought...about semantics and what we tell ourselves. 

 Recovery vs. Reclaim

To me, these are different.

 I have told myself for the longest time that I amtrying to reclaim my life. The life I was wanting to reclaim is my more stable moments, the balanced and responsible times. Where  I was at in life when I was 23.

I had my oldest daughter when I was 22. I pushed myself hard because I wanted to succeed. I just had to. If I didn't then I would have nothing to offer this child. I got moving. I went back to school. Got great grades. I was earning a Paralegal Degree. I was trying, and succeeding, to better my life for me and my daughter. I was doing everything right and just as I was about to fly, I learned I was pregnant with my youngest daughter. I was, what I felt, grounded. I couldn't handle it. My life was becoming more and more difficult. After she was born, the post-partum depression set in and wasn't treated properly...that is as far as I will go with that. 

Before the depression were "better days". The point with that is that I cannot go back to "better days". Quite stable days. It was a different time in my life and  I can never go back. However, those experiences are not really gone. They are a part of me. It just isn't all of me. There is so much more to me than there was then. Many, many more experiences. Good and bad. It is a part of life and growing.

Reclaim, to me, suggests overcoming and returning to a "better place". Being cured, per se. That just isn't how it works.

Recovery suggests that life can be quite a bit more balanced so that the disorder has a chance to chill the hell out and we can internally rest for a bit. To go into remission, so to speak.  

I have Bipolar and it has no cure however, it can be managed. With the proper treatment, it can go into remission, sort of.  I think those are the days that allow me to function decently. 

Recovery may be the goal, no matter how undefined, but really it is the journey. Through much work and effort, that journey leads us toward the goal. There is usually a lot of slipping and sliding and many lessons to be learned but we keep moving anyway. Recovery is looking forwards.

Reclaim, in my opinion, is looking backwards. Trying to be something that has passed. To "get it back".  

Regardless of whether the goals can be reached,  I try to move towards what feels right. That is usually the harder path, it seems. Not sure why.

And also Recovery allows for baby steps.  :)

(Alrighty, Ang...I think it is time for a nap. *sigh*)