MDJunction - People Helping People
 

Why wear a ribbon?

 
"Most of the women on my mothers' side has asthma, including me. " (sabelle16)

MDJunction to me

RickEJ"I was diagnosed 8 years ago with Bi-Polar II.
With no support in my area I searched the web for help, after two years I stumbled on to MDJ.
The bi-polar II group has been my life line since 12/26/2009.
dizzyb my friend, you are not forgotten!
RickEJ
" (RickEJ)

more testimonials
TexasYankee

Inadequate

Riding the Rollercoaster

Feeling a bit crazy...literally

Jan 25 2013
I have been feeling sort of low. Medication change I am sure. I have been to some pretty dark places inside myself. Was beginning to think that I have dissotiative disorder. Almost mult-personality. A lot of my darker spots from my childhood have been trying to come out and I have very little recollect ion of most of it. It gives me a ton of anxiety though and I am not ready to talk about anyone.

Are you buckled in?

Jan 17 2013

Of all the excuses I can think of, this one feels the closest to truth. It will flit again though, I am sure.

I am terrified of you. Not of you so much as myself to you. I feel so incomplete and how on earth can I bring something forth that I do not feel that I have in the first place. Such a terrifying age. No forward direction. Not knowing what end was up. On any and all given day



A Magnetic Thought

Jan 08 2013

I was sitting here and this sort of just popped into my head.

Many may know that I think it in pictures. I found me an interesting way of visualizing Bipolar for myself. Others may have already thought this but it was a new one for me.

I know very little about scientific polarity and feeling just too damn lazy to research it at this moment. Must have slept that day in science cl

A Moment of Relief

Jan 08 2013

Well, its been interesting so far this morning. I have been up since about 4:45am but this time it was for a reason. I am usually up very early but usually because of my sleep issues.

My husband FINALLY went back to work. I honestly think that him being home all the time had been a huge strain on our marriage. Now, he shouldn't be such an asshole. I was really getting worried there. I

A Quiet Waking

Jan 06 2013

Yesterday was hard. It is gone now though and I have a chance at a new day. Hopefully a day of understanding and patience. Positive action would be good too. Its cold-ish right now (36F) but it isn't even 7am so what do I expect, right?! Not complaining as I know it is suppose to be really nice out today. Going to get out for awhile, one way or another.

I need it desperately. I

Departure of Phantoms

Jan 05 2013

I feel so angry and frustrated again. Deep inside it sits waiting to come forth. I feel like this is never going to end. Like I can not find much light in this darkness. The constant arguing never seems to stop. The slightest thing sets it off. whether I agree of not. Its the walking on egg shells that is so exhausting. I find most of my sentences starting off with "Please don't yell a

Another Dream 2

Dec 31 2012

I am finding it interesting that the more I wake up, the  more I can remember my dreams. They were a bit broken though as I woke up 3 times last night. I don't like when I don't sleep all the way through the night.

I remember that there were young people that I was friends with. Early 20's if I had to make a guess. I am  not sure if I was that age or not. I don'

Another Dream

Dec 30 2012

I am slowly remembering part of my dream from last night.

 

I was pregnant through most of it. I could feel her head poking out from one side. It sort of hurt actually. I would rub it though as that made it feel better. 

At one point, I actually sort of gave birth. She just sort of came out. No pain, just suddenly there. She was wrapped in rose colored hue of tull (t

And Life Goes On

Dec 30 2012

I am not sure how I feel this morning. I am angry and sad and disturbed. I am back to having difficulty sleeping again. Getting to sleep the first time is easy. The second time it takes a little while. The third time I try, it fails. I am up for the day. At 5-fricken-am? It is Sunday and absolutely nothing to do. No reasons to be up early. I am grateful that I have my laptop though or I would p

Back To Square 1

Dec 29 2012
Here I sit feeling like I a back to square 1 with my situation. I knew this was going to be challenging but this feels damn near impossible. I am tired of it threatening my life. I just can't take the stress and there is no way out. We are stuck. I am stuck.

For those that don't know, my husband and I share and apartment with his mother. There are culteral issues there as she fo

Once Upon Another Dream

Dec 27 2012

This Chantix is making my dreams more vivid. It does that, I know. I don't really mind as it shows me things that I need to see.

Last night my dream was about doomsday or something like that. I had managed to bring an entire community to my side in  believing the world was going to end or something catastrophic was going to happen. Everyone was getting print outs of "who the

Hurts My Feelings

Dec 25 2012

It really hurts my feelings when I share something that means a lot to me and all I get is the blank stare, or worse, no one wanting to hear what I have to say. Everyone has the need to be heard and understood.

 Is it that no one understands, cares or just can't relate. Sometimes maybe no one knows what to say? Do I not make any damn sense? I really don't know.

Regardl

Once Upon a Dream

Dec 25 2012

I am feeling a bit sensitive and sad this  morning. Not because it is Christmas but more because I woke reflecting on my life a bit. I do that no matter what day it might be. I know it is because of the way my dreams played out.

 I dreamt of long lost and newly found friends. Those kind of dreams that you don't want the morning to come so soon. Just let  me stay with t

Bat Shit Crazy

Dec 20 2012
The last 2 days I have felt bat shit crazy. I have had such severe rage over feeling like my needs never get met. I know that isn't true but sometimes I feel like I am not able to express my anger. I know I get whiney and pushy. I just can't help it. It gets away from me.

Tuesday I went to my medical doctor to talk to them about pain management and the acut

I see...I feel

Dec 17 2012

I just got home from my first class. It was very painful. The topic seemed to be about our children and I have so much pain where I feel that I have failed them. I know I have taught them some good virtues. I am a good person after all. It is just so painful that I couldn't give them all that I needed to. I am working on bettering myself though and that will teac

How very sad

Dec 16 2012

After feeling so suicidal lately, I expected to wake up this morning thanking God for giving me at least just one more day. Instead I woke up apologizing, yet again. I am sorry I wake up so early. I am sorry I make too much noise. I am sorry that my voice travels. I am sorry that you feel that I am inconsiderate when I am trying so hard to not be. I am sorry the doo

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Dec 11 2012

I talk to fast. I share information that is not asked of me. I make friends easily only to lose them along the line. My energy can be so overwhelming. I emotionally vomit on people. Not on purpose but that seems to be how it is. I hate it. It makes me feel so lonely. Why do I do this when I know what the end result is going to be? I usually see it clearly after it is

Tumultuous

Dec 11 2012

I will warn you now, this will be VERY, VERY, VERY long as there has been a ton of stuff going on in the last couple of months and because of it, it landed me in psych emergency care. I wish you well if you can get through all of it.


It has been such a tumultuous time for me. I know I have b

Self-Induced Intellectual Intercourse

Sep 18 2012

Yep, I do that all the time. Things will seem like they are going well and then BAM!, there goes my recovery again.  I am more involved in "fleshy" support groups now so that helps megain perspective again.

 Let's see.......one stepdaughter took herself and her baby and moved a bit north and now we can't see the baby. That breaks my heart considering how much e

Processing

Apr 04 2012

I didn't ask for this, for any of it. But it isn't going anywhere any time soon. I know that is selfish of me but I can't help it. I struggle so hard as it is without someone else addingmore "unavoidable" stress on me. That does damage to my recovery. I am still struggling with all of it.

I understand that there is a lesson here. A huge fricken lesson. I am not liki

Up, Up and Away

Mar 26 2012

Wow, what a week.

I was invited to attend a 3 day "WRAP" workshop this last Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. It was great asI learned so very much but man, talk about pushing it. I was very challenged all week. But I am proud of myself as I think I did pretty good, all things considered.

Recovery or Reclaim

Dec 07 2011

I had a thought...about semantics and what we tell ourselves. 

 Recovery vs. Reclaim

To me, these are different.

 I have told myself for the longest time that I amtrying to reclaim my life. The life I was wanting to reclaim is my more stable moments, the balanced and responsible times. Where  I was at in life when I was 23.

I had my oldest daughter

WOW! What a ride...brakes please

Aug 23 2011

Holy shit, batman, where do I start?

Recap...

I stressed the beginning of June because of my daughter graduating and having to have plan a party was more than challenging, not to mentionthe anxiety that came with it. Her girl friend from PA came down for it and stayed. I traded one teenager for another, which was alright because she is a good kid.

Second week of June, my new

How does it make you feel?

Jun 14 2011

I learned about a week ago that my husband and his mother have been making plans to move her from Laredo to Austin....to live with US! WTF? Laredo is not a veryr nice place to live. So much crime anddrug cartel stuff. I don't blame them for that. His mom lives  there with his little sister (she is 20) and her 3 yr old daughter. The thing is that it isn't just his mom that is coming

Unloved by Family

May 12 2011

So, I talked to my brother last night about a few things. First we talked about how we found our estranged father on Facebook. I just found him last night. My brother knew this about a year and a halfago. My biological father doesn't know about me. It makes me so sad. Apparently this man is a selfish asshole though. I know that I may never get closure on this and that breaks my heart. I som

Stupid

May 11 2011

Why is it that when someone finds out that you have a mental disorder that they automatically treat you like you are stupid? It pisses me off to no end!!! I have bipolar, doesn't make me stupid. I forget things often, doesn't make me stupid. I can't focus often and thus forget what I am talking about sometimes but that doesn't make me stupid either. I have critical thinking skil

Lonely

Apr 25 2011

How many times have we been in a crowded room and still felt lonely. I know I have.

The last few days have been really hard for me. I went from what I thought was excited to a crash. I feel alone lately and very lonely. It takes almost all of my energy to reach out. Why do we do that? Pride? I tried talking to my husband over the weekend and he had his own issues going on and couldn'

Peace and Love

Apr 18 2011

I will know peace when...I understand that love and peace work hand in hand.

Love is the only experience that replaces fear,

Peace is the result.

Love is the experience of taking in the breath of life, without fear,

Peace is the result.

Take My Hand

Apr 11 2011

I am sure that I have put this in my diary before but I like it a lot and find great strength in it. One of the best poems that I have written to date. I pray someone else may find a bit of joy andstrength from it as well.

 

Take my hand


Death of a Child

Apr 05 2011

I am in pain this morning. Yesterday was so hard. My teenage girls went to school like any other day. Unsuspecting. Yesterday afternoon, a young lady at the high school killed herself in the girls bathroom. She shot herself. Absolutely devastating. I hurt for her parents as well as her friends. I would be institutionalized if this ever happened to me. Makes you pay more attention, I'll tell

Loving in Truth

Feb 09 2011

I will know love when I realize...there are times when the right road takes a wrong turn!

When you do not stand fully in th tuth of what yo know, what you feel andwho you are, you are withholding your love. To stand means to express, to share and to honor. Standing is the way we demonstrate self-support, self-love and self-respect. In doing this for ourselves

Love Remains the Same

Feb 07 2011

Some may think the is is a depressing song but to me it isn't. It tells me that no matter what, love will always remain the same. I am on board with the message here. (that and Gavin Rossdale isa hunk! lol)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlGwdCNO7Lo&feature=related

A thousand times I?ve seen

Centering

Feb 06 2011

Where is the center of our world? Does everything we do revilve around someone else's problems or addictions?

We choose where to place the center of our world. If we choose acenter outside ourselves, we can't act for our own well-being. When we are centered in  our deep, inner spiritual core, all our actions enhance our well-being.

Being centered d

Intimacy

Jan 30 2011

I will gain more understanding when I realize...that when I withhold the truth of who I am, I cannot receive that truth of what I want.

 The thing we want mostis often the thing we resist. At work, we want recognition and reward. However, we hold back our ideas and energy because "it's just a job". In our family, we want support and accepta

Compassion of a child

Nov 19 2010

I had an interesting conversation with my upset 14yr old daughter yesterday. Keep in mind that this child's maturity level is super high.

Anyway, she was upset about our situation and howthere isn't a cure for it anytime soon. Once I finally got her talking, she made me cry. With tears in her eyes, she looked at me and asked "What was your dream, mom? No one ever asks you th

Please Don't Give Up On Me

Nov 09 2010

Please don’t give up on me

Even when I feel I am falling

For when my feet hit the ground

Questions

Oct 20 2010

I will realize my own worth when I accept…I already know the answers to the questions I am afraid to ask.

Questionsare wonderful. Questions open the mind and the heart to new levels of awareness. Questions support our steps toward growth, healing and evolution. They give us something more to reach for and more th

Forgiveness

Oct 19 2010

Human imperfections can sometimes cause real harm. We have two choices for responding to these imperfections: grievance or forgiveness. Holding grievances against ourselves or others only compoundsand prolongs the harm done. The way to forgive ourselves is to admit our mistakes, make amends, and improve our behavior. The way to forgive others is to recognize that they're human and to le

I Am Enough

Oct 15 2010

I will realize my own worth when I accept…I am nothing to be ashamed of.

Have you ever considered just being yourself? There is no need for you to be some kind of super-being in order to measure up to everyone else. Who you are is really quite enough! You know enough and have enough to offer something valuable, w

Blessed are Those

Oct 08 2010

I will realize my own worth when I accept…I am worthy of divine blessings.

For those who experience feeling and boutsof unworthiness, the Beatitudes, Jesus’ teaching presented in the Holy Bible, offer hope. If they were to be rewritten to address this very common human experience, they might be explained th

Self- Worth

Oct 07 2010

I will realize my own self worth when I accept...myself exactly as I am.

Self-Value means I know who I am!

Self-Esteem means I am who I say I am!

Self-Worth means I believe I am who I say I am!

Until today, you may not have been aware of how your knowledge of your own value affects your self-esteem or how your self

Victimization

Oct 05 2010

I will realize my own worth when I accept…what I tell myself I am, I am.

Your self-worth and sense of worthinessbegin with the belief and understanding that you are not a victim! When you know “who you are” and “whose you are”, you cannot be a victim. Sure, things happen to you. There

Faith

Sep 23 2010

This is what I believe and am only sharing, not dictating.  

I know that I talk alot about faith these days. That is because I have been spiritually sick for some time now.  Irealize that when my spirit is sick, I lack faith. With that lack of faith comes hopelessness and a slew of other negative thoughts. I cannot afford to lose hope. 

With the illnesses that I

Taoist Thoughts

Sep 23 2010

I did not write these. They are taken from my Rune book.

 

The Way of the Warrior

If you keep your spiritcorrect

from morning til night,

accustomed to the idea of death

and resolved on death,

thus becoming one

with the way of the

Baby Steps

Sep 22 2010


I experience and express the power of trust because…I know I am not missing any steps I need to take.

 

You feel crazy! Everything around is in shambles. Anything that could go wrong has or is going wrong.

The Mind

Sep 21 2010

This is taken from my Zen Tarot deck.

 

The MIND -  Page of Clouds (Mastery of the Mind)



“This is what happens when w

Choosing our Feelings

Sep 18 2010

Sometimes, when we feel worried, sad or angry, it may be hard to believe that we are actually choosing to feel that way. It may seem that others created those feelings in us.

Butwe can choose to detach ourselves from other people's feelings and behaviors. When we understand that their thoughts, feelings, decisions, and actions are not ours, we can make room for our own. W

The Void

Sep 16 2010

We all have our dark times. The void that we feel within our spirit and heart. So many people, including myself, look for external things/people to "fill" the void. I have my own view of what the Void is. 

 To me, the void, isn't a void at all. It is an over abundance of fear and darkness. I view it that the "light" is under all the darkness. It is our j

How to feel adequate

Sep 13 2010

I experience and express the power of trust because…I believe that who I am is enough.

 

When you secretly feel inadequate or believe that who you are is not enough for the world, you will do more and give more than is required in order to experience fulfillment. Try as

Excellence

Sep 11 2010

Perfectionism is often defended as the striving for improvement or excellence. But there are differences between trying to do our best and trying to be perfect. The mostobvious difference is that is it possible to do our best in any situation, while it is never possible to be perfect. Striving for excellence helps us to improve, grow, and achieve realistic goals. Str

Accountability

Sep 07 2010

*Angela gets on her soap box*

 

Okay, we all know someone that will shove God down your throat. I know one such person in real life and it makes me nuts. I have my own belief systemand it overlaps all over the place. I don't have so much an issue with God but I do have an issue when someone is constantly spouting scripture and such, in every other sentence. Please don't

Faith and Trust

Sep 02 2010

I experience and express the power of trust because…I understand that connection between trust and faith.

 

The concepts of trust and faith are so closely linked; it is often difficult to distinguish one from the other. You would be right if you said that without trust yo

Trust

Sep 01 2010

I experience and express the power of trust because…I am learning to trust myself.

 

Trust is a simple process. Either you trust or you don’t trust. You either trust yourself or you don’t trust yourself. When you don’t trust yourself, you will not trust

Just a thought

Aug 25 2010

"Life For Rent" by Dido

 
I haven't ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
 I apologize once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
that yo



An Insight

Aug 24 2010

This is something I wrote not all that long ago. I found it the other day and the more I read through it, I think it may be of use to some. For those that cannot use it, thank you for reading it anyway. It is a good reminder for myself.  :)

 



Good Enough

Aug 19 2010

While we need to avoid judging ourselves, we can judge our actions and choices to determine whether or not to continue the behavior or to behave in the same way again, in the future.

We can review our choice by first asking ourselves "Is it harmless?" By first considering this question, we can avoid making many mistakes. All of our  choices and actions should a

Know Thyself

Aug 12 2010

I am faith-filled and fear-free because…I know exactly who I am.

 

How many times shouldyou try and fail before you give up on trying? If you give up, how can you ever expect to succeed? If you give something your best shot, and it doesn’t turn out the way you expected, what doe

Side by Side

Aug 11 2010

This is taken from my little book about co-dependency.

 In our relationships, we often lead others by caretaking or controlling them, or we follow others in dependency and fearfulness. We turn away from those who have hurt us, or gaze into the eyes of those we love, losing sight of everything else.

In healthy relationships , we neither lead nor follow. We walk side

Lady in Black

Aug 11 2010

Not sure how many would know this song as it is from the 70's but it inspires me that Divine is within us.

Lady in Black - by Uriah Heap

She came to me one morning
One lonely Sunday morning
Her long hair flowing
In the midwinter wind
I know not how she found me
For in darkness I was walking
And destruction lay around me
From






Visit with Divine

Aug 09 2010

I am faith-filled and fear-free because…The Divine is still the Divine after all these years.

 

The Divine has not changed its address. It was not a part of the urban flight or the rural revitalization program. The Divine still lives where they have always lived: in your heart. The Di

Face your fear

Aug 07 2010

I will know peace when…I stop finding excuses for what I am not doing.

 

You can fool someof the people some time but you can never fool yourself. You can tell yourself almost anything to excuse away your fear. The bad news is, you will actually believe it for a while. The good news is, t

Paths

Aug 04 2010

I refuse to allow my disorders to define myself!

 

Do you know where you are?
Do you know where you've been?
Do you know you've come far?
Yet still seeking again?

This path that you


Are you unloving?

Jul 28 2010

I will gain more understanding when I realize…loving in unloving ways is not love at all.

 

You can usually tell when someone is afraid of love. They simply will not let you into their heart. A person who is afraid of love will behave in the inappropriate ways in an effort to turn you

Our Pain is Our Own

Jul 27 2010

I will gain more understanding when I realize…I cannot force others to see that what I feel is real.

 

When you are hurting, it may seem that other people do not notice or that they do not care. They never seem able to recognize the depth of your misery or discomfort. You may want the

X Amount of Words

Jul 22 2010

X-Amount Of Words lyrics - Blue October

Relapse
Prevent trigger intent
Now drown
High strung
Say X amount of words

You're solar, bipolar
Panic disorder
Seems harder and harder and harder
Still you try to control it

You mold, you mold
Yeah you shape to mold
Oh you're bold you'














Sometimes

Jul 02 2010

Sometimes I hurt
excruciating pain

splitting me in so many pieces
no glue to hold me together
and my essence flowing openly
no matter how many times
I try to hold tight the pores

Sometimes I bleed
a c







Happy

Jun 15 2010

A big thought that has been on my mind lately is "was I ever happy?". I am not sure but i there has to be a time in my life when I was happy. These disorders rob me of any happiness i tryto muster. Do I blame my family? Do I blame these disorders? Do I blame myself? Why must there be blame? 

 With all the med issues, I feel so tilted. So anxious. So afraid of going out

Out is Through

May 27 2010

Perry's Thought for the Day made me think of this. Although i ultimately know that the only way to get out of something is to work through it. We, or rather, I forget or block it due to fear andthat makes it so much harder and exhausting. The thought is so frightening though. Old stuff has been popping up and i am unsure how to deal with any of it and with my meds all messed up, now is not

Frustrated and upset

May 04 2010

I feel so discouraged this morning. Every month, rent is due. Every month, due to circumstances, we are late. Not by much, a couple of days, but this landlady sent out an eviction notice at 4:47pm on the 3rd. Our rent is not considered late until the 4th. This woman just has it out for us and with our rental history, no one else will rent to us. Where the fuck did all the compassion of the worl

Unwell

May 03 2010

As some may know, I am coming off medications. I have had some withdrawal symptoms from one med but it is getting better. I am a bit curious and excited to be able to listen to my body without drugsbut i am also scared as i know how i used to be. I was so angry all the time. I don't want to be like that but life is forcing the issue right now. When it is time to start again, i plan to talk

Shame

Apr 29 2010

I sit here thinking and I believe that shame has a lot to do with anxiety. Moments where we have played the fool and the refusal of that acknowledgment causes fear and shame.

 Sometimes the avoidance game takes over so strongly. The anxiety gets out of control. Not knowing or understanding where it comes from. If I sit quietly and think about things for a bit, i can see where some of

Control

Apr 21 2010

I am willing to acknowledge…the fear of fear leads to a struggle for control.

 

When people are hurt or afraid of being hurt, they will try to gain control of a situation. They may even try to gain control of you! If a person doesn’t trust her ability to control her

Pain

Apr 20 2010

If we had to design the world, could we think of a better way to get people to stop destructive behavior than to make it painful? What could more clearly signal the need forchange?

And yes, pain is often ignored, its message unheeded. It is sometimes misinterpreted or even unrecognized. But pain is not meaningless, and it will return

Dependency

Apr 19 2010

When we fell close to someone, we may believe we need them for our happiness. We fear losing them because we think our well-being depends on the relationship.

Our fearfulness can make us behave in way we believe will ensure keeping the other person with us. We may focus all our attention on pleasing them. We my give up our opinions, ch

Expectations

Apr 16 2010
Whenever we enter into new relationships or situations, we bring with us certain expectations. We may expect our past experiences to repeat themselves or our idealistic fantasies to be fulfilled. We may expect our conflicts to be resolved and our problems eliminated by a change of scenery, job, hobby, home, school, or relationship.

Some of our expectations may

Choices

Apr 14 2010

The fear of making choices can paralyze us. We may feel unable to make any decision without an ironclad guarantee of the results. We do this because on some level, consciousor unconscious, we believe it is possible to make perfect decisions. We believe there is a perfect solution to every problem, a perfect choice in every situation, if only we can find it.

<

Romantic Love

Apr 13 2010

So many of us destroy our own happiness with delusions of the way we wish people, events, and circumstances were. Pursuing the perfect romantic fantasy, we throw away the wonderful possibilities of reality.

In truth, women are not angels and men are not knights in shining armor. Men and women are human beings with weaknesses, faults,

Detachment

Apr 12 2010

If we see every flaw in our behavior and relationships as reflections of our self-worth, we can’t work through and improve them. If we believe that the ups and downsof other people, circumstances, and events determine the state of our lives and minds, we become helpless victims of power beyond our control

Learning to detach ours

Moving On - Positive

Apr 10 2010

I am willing to acknowledge…I am at the point of no return.

 

Whenyou reach the point of no return in a particular situation, it means you have given all that you can give, taken all you can take, learned all you can learn, taught all that you can teach, been all

Egoism

Apr 09 2010

Today’s affirmation from the “little book” -

Having high self-esteem doesn’t mean having an inflated viewof ourselves, our abilities, or our accomplishments. It doesn’t mean feeling or acting superior to others or denying our weaknesses, faults, or mistakes.

Our

Wolves

Apr 08 2010
One evening, a grandfather was teaching his young grandson about the internal battle that each person faces. "There are two wolves struggling inside of us," the old man said. "One wolfis vengefulness, anger, resentment, self- pity, fear. The other wolf is compassion, faithfulness, hope, truth and love." The grandson sat, thinking, and then asked, "Which wolf wins, Gran

A Good Day

Apr 08 2010

It is a good morning here. My husband went back to work this morning. He was tickled! First step to getting back on track and now it is my turn but he showed me a way to do itso that gives me more confidence. Now to get the anxiety under control. Oh, how many times I have felt less than adequate when it comes to what my skills are. I know I am intelligent but how to I prov

Family

Apr 06 2010

 

Last night I went to visit with my oldest brother. It was more than for a visit though. Got a lecture about finances and then help from him. I have missed him so much. Learned that my niece had another baby and I didn't even know that she was pregnant. It hurt my feelings so bad considering they live her and they hadn't been talking to me....obviously. He lives about 25 mil

Nobody Knows

Apr 03 2010

This one just struck me this morning. Stuff like this actually makes me feel better.

 

Nobody Knows by Pink

"Nobody Knows"

Nobody knows
Nobody knows but me
That I sometimes cry
If I could pretend that I'm asleep
When my tears start to fall
I peek out from behind these walls
I think nobody kn







Getting Real

Apr 03 2010

I haven't written in awhile now and still feel that I have no wisdom to share. I have been so up and down that it is making me crazy. Bipolar mixed with a panic disorder is the perfect formula for feeling like shit and feel suicidal. I know, I know, get to the hospital when I feel this way. I just can't. I am more scared of the hospital when it involves myself than I am of anything else

Traveling

Mar 13 2010
2/20/03

Fly on the breeze of endless wanderings 
amongst the depths of the labyrinth
the eternally shifting thoughts
sugar coated sweetness
to sharp razor edged fire
come travel along, journeyman 
with bamboo pole
along the current of






Everything

Mar 10 2010

Everything by Alanis Morisette

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it�s going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you�ve never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the b






Do-Overs

Mar 10 2010

I decided to take this one out of the book this morning. I am better today and not sad and weepy like yesterday.

This is a good one. Please keep in mind that anything in italics is not my writing, just me sharing.

Daily affirmation-

I open my heart and mind to be aware...there are some things about me that nothing can change.

 In your d

Failing

Mar 09 2010

It dawned on me last night that I don't think I can do school. I am so far behind again because I can't focus worth a shit and I am FAR from disciplined. That and I really need to go back towork. We just aren't making it financially. That thought breaks my heart and scares the living shit out of me. I don't even know where or how to job hunt anymore. Not to mention that there ar

For Spring

Mar 08 2010

For those waiting for spring. The waiting is difficult but just see what grows in us while we wait.

 

A Rose by any other Name

 

A gentle bud upon a bush

Closed and sleeping in the cold

Needing the warmth of the sun

Perception

Mar 08 2010

Today I am grateful that I have a wonderful family, here and at home. How many times do we take things for granted? All the time. The adage of we don't know what we have until it is gone is strong. We are strong enough to get through anything though, if we believe it. We have to believe that. I am also grateful for the rain. We really do need it it. I am concerned that the trees aren't

Stop and Stare

Mar 07 2010

Stop and Stare by One Republic

 

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust
I've got my heartset on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal...





Wisdom

Mar 07 2010

A post triggered this thought. Why do we feel that we have nothing to offer when we aren't feeling very wise. Why do we have to be wise? Is sharing your experiences really being self-centered orare we just trying to show that we are human too. There have been many times that I have written where I have gotten comments of "wow, never thought of it like that" or "God, it is nic

Not Sure

Mar 04 2010

It is early here this morning. Not sure why but my internal clock is a bit backwards right now. Want naps at 2:00pm and, with or without a nap, I am typically up by 5:00am. I hate when I wake up restlessthough. Sounds strange but I do. I find myself walking around my kitchen randomly for almost 2 hours until the rest of the house starts to wake up. Would have a cup of coffee but have to wait ti

Reactions

Mar 02 2010

I am still sleepy but this is the only time it is quiet in my house these days to be able to write. I have such an active house and it makes me so tired so often. 15 minutes till stirring starts. Ican write that fast.

 Today, my thoughts are on reactions. How often we react instead of act. I am one that does the avoidance thing and I tend to avoid and then react. Not a healthy thing

A Moment

Mar 01 2010

I am not in a bad space really but I have been feeling lonely too. Take this one as just a moment. (no worries, no tears today. Just stressed)

 

Please Don’t Give up on Me

 


Sunflower

Feb 22 2010

A short "feel good" musing.....Not everything has to be about crawling out of the darkness.  ;)

Sunflower           

 

A

Patience

Feb 22 2010

Okay, I am just shooting from the hip this morning. It has been days since I have been able to write anything. Between being damn busy and not having a very good internet signal, I feel a bit out ofthe loop. Family is so very important.

My mood has been decent except little snippets here and there. The cats are pissing me off the most. Why do they always have to gack where someone is goin

Hurt is not Love

Feb 14 2010

I am a bit late posting this today. Going to start with the daily affirmation. Keep in mind that it is Valentine's day and we don't celebrate it.  We should be extra loving all year long, not just one day. And flowers "just because" rock!!

Daily affirmation-

 I will know love when I realize...if I am hurting, I am not loving!

Lessons Learned

Feb 12 2010

Keep in mind that if there is a date at the end of posts like this that it is my original work and copyrighted. If you would like to use it, please ask.  End of disclaimer.  ;)

 

Lessons Learned

 

<
<< Start < Prev 1 2 Next > End >>

Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
About Us | Terms & Conditions | Privacy | Spread the Word | MDJ Advocates | Advertise
Contact Us | Bookmark Us | FAQ | Awareness Ribbons
Copyright (c) 2006-2013 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved