|May 21 2012|
So this was a tough weekend for me. I started having dreams again that my wife is coming back. The first one Friday night we were at the park with our daughter talking, then we were in bed together(not having sex) but we woke up together and she rolled over gave me a kiss and said she had to leave to go to her boyfriend's house now, but said don't worry I still love you more than him. The second dream I had was Saturday night we were standing by a car she hugged me and said I will never divorce you I need you too much in my life to lose you! I guess I should look at the subliminal message she still loves me and she still needs me. But these do not help with the grieving process. Both dreams felt so real and some of the emotions that I have been keeping under lock and key came back.
Thursday night she called to talk to our daughter when I answered she seemed depressed, it was like talking to eyore, I answered and she said how's xyz, can I talk to her . So I hand the phone over to our daughter and her voice instantly goes from sad, depressed, to upbeat and positive. So our daughter says hi momma, where are you? Why are you not at my house? When will you be at my house? Daddy and I miss you?
Of course now I felt embarrassed my wife is always accusing me of putting thoughts into our daughter's head, so as soon as our daughter hands me the phone I start to apologize and there was nothing on the other line. She had hung up. So I sent her a text and said "hey just so you know I don't say anything to her about missing you, I don't really talk about you to her. "( Not necessarily true, our daughter is always asking me if I love her momma, and do I miss her momma, I answer yes because I don't want to lie to her it's so tough!!) And I got a reply back "thanks that's what I thought. "
So Saturday she called again we were out at a festival so I didn't hear the phone ring, she sent a text about 30 minutes later saying I should just text you, you never answer the phone when I call, I just wanted to see how XYZ is! So I call her back maybe 30 minutes after that and apologized ( I'm too nice of a guy) She asked if she could talk to our daughter and I said yeah here she is. They talked..... again my daughter asked where she was? So she hands me the phone and my wife proceeds to talk to me for 5 minutes telling me where she is, what she has been doing Saturday, what she bought at a yard sale, and what she is going to be doing that night.
Sunday I dropped our daughter off with her and my wife tells me she is getting kicked out of her roommate's house, they had a huge fight last night, she can't stand the woman anymore, she is trying to get out of the house by the end of this week and start our daughter in a NEW daycare next week. Now this is the same woman she told me back in November was like a sister to her, this is the same woman that she told me a few months ago that she was going to buy a house with, that they were the best of friends (all while she was manic) Now she can't stand the woman so she is moving into her boyfriend's house with him and his mom. I foresee this not lasting long at all. She never told me what the fight was about just that it was bad and she didn't get any sleep.
Then she starts showing me her sunburn, and says no-one believed her when she told them she burns, she told me what she was wearing and that she was only out in the sun for an hour. And she apologized for her appearance as well. I just do not get any of this. I don't get why she tells me what she's doing. Now don't get me wrong I kind of enjoy it. I know that's sick but I get something out of it. That personal connection i guess. :(
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