So hard! My mother is still in jail, and i know she will wont be there forever. So what happens when she gets out?  I tried writing her but keep throwing out all the letters.  Noone is onher visiting card so noone can go see her.  I will try and write her again today and see if I can make it to the post office.  I will try and make this my goal today.  I want to know what she is thinking now and how she feels about her kids.  She wrote to one of her friends and asked her friend to relay a message to my sister and told my sister shes sorry she missed her birthday and shes sorry she is there and not with her.   SHe didnt relay a message to the me or my brother.  Which hurt a little but I am fine.  I pray thst she is doing OK physically through her detoxing but mentally not sure how she feels or how she is thinking now that she is clean. 

So when she gets out, where will she go?  I wont let her live with me unless she goes to rehab and gets the help she needs.  I am still afraid for her life and I dont think this is her rock bottom..I dont think she will ever hit rock bottom.  She has accepted this being her way of life which makes me sad. 

I know I have to stay strong and all that..Which I am but the hard part will be when she gets out.  What happens then?  Its just hard but I keep telling myself to worry about that when it happens. 

I love her so much.  But i cant be there fo rher when she gets out if she chooses to go like this.  I feel like I am abadoning her.