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animalhero"Md junction was a Godsend in my life! In such a short amount of time, I learned so much from other people who also have Lyme's. Having the support from others who really understand what I'm going through is priceless. To me, Md Junction is just as important to my healing as everything else that I'm doing to get well." (animalhero)

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Maniacally Depressed

Jun 25 2010

Stupid mixed episodes.  I'm tired of this.  Too much crap happening in real life, and some that's bled over onto the boards.  I should've listened.  It was a bad idea, but I knew everything and there'd be no problems.

As usual I was wrong.  As usual my life is now a bit of a shit-storm.  I'd pull my hair out, but I guess I've done that already.  I'd pull someone else's hair out, but I don't think they'd appreciate that.  So I'm stuck with clenched fists and no brick walls around.

I refuse to burn myself over this.  I can't afford to do that anymore, with the divorce pending.  I don't want to lose all rights to my son cuz I'm a stupid psycho jackass.  But if I had that nice brick wall, all could be well.  I can explain away a broken hand easier than a burn.

I'm antsy and can't sit still, but don't want to do anything.  My mind is a raging inferno of guilt, shame and hurt.

For the love of all that's good, can't something just PLEASE go right for once?  Yeah, that's what I thought.

I have two close confidants on here, and they both knew I was heading toward trouble.  Note to everyone:  If your confidant tells you something, LISTEN TO THEM.  Don't be a Patrick.

Previous diary posts by FatherKarras:
Comments (4)Add Comment
written by Coskin, June 25, 2010
I am sorry you are going through very rough waters. I think, we all have made choices that have not had the best outcome for the well being of others as well as ourselves. Whether we were warned or not. You can still, at some point, reach a safe harbor. I pray it'll be soon. Meanwhile talk to us we are here for you.
written by Dit, June 25, 2010
My heart goes out to you, glad you are posting b/c we are here for you and care. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
written by jaguarandcubs, June 26, 2010
Patrick, you need to cut yourself some slack. None of us are perfect - lord knows I am far from it! We all make choices that turn out to be not good ones. We can't change that - all we can do is try to keep going and make better choices.

Breathe.....focus on what you need to do to get through this hurt. You are a strong man, Patrick, and you know you have a lot of people who will help you. The struggle won't last forever, hon. It really won't. *HUGS*
written by scoobydoo61, June 26, 2010
Hang in there The burning won't help, you just need to follow your advice and you can get through this with patience. We all mess up Dude, God Knows I have and Im 49 going on 199, sorta like the crypt keeper so to speak But your in my Prayers too.

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