Idk

that about sums it up.  I've felt like that all week, and it's only Tuesday holy shit.  

I can't say that I've been good on my hiatus, but I can say that I had fun.

I did meet someone, and so far, so good.  I'm not bored and he's not mad so I guess life has taken a strange turn.  Sure, I'm cool with most of it, but it sho do fuck with my shit when I'm trying to be bad.  It's like a cock-blocking housecat, in which I already have one, thanks.  I don't know.. it's like meeting me, but as a guy (yeah it's creepy) but the truley suck side is knowing what I'm up to.  Hey man, only I get to know what I'm up to.. or am I... 

Admittingly screwed for the time being, I am fighting the temptation to eat xanax and watch nature shows.  I already know I'm bad with xanax.  I've heard way too many stories to not believe the general populus.  Passed out, crying, rambling, or simply on the floor talkin dirty, I've had my digits in every embarrassing pot there is.  To prove this, I tell a story =D Ok reason one is I fell backwards, head first down 2 flights of stairs.. on a first date.  By the power of greyskull, I did not break anything or really even get hurt because I was basically chemically elasta-date.  ..yeah didn't see him again.  reason 2 cuffed n stuffed on the first date, i said "call me.", and that asshole did.  wtf was he thinking

I notice the pattern of humiliation to legal troubles when I think about xanax.. but also, I think about how fucking groovy life is when I got one of then nasty ass things caught in my throat.  Pills and hot coffee are a bad idea.

Another thing that's sort of worrying me, but I'm not sure to what degree is that my sexual side is being not only dominated, but defeated.  There is no human alive that can ..and then do that, and then again and again I mean wtf is wrong with him is he on rush roids or some shit that I don't know about?  How is it that I can't sniff this party out, but I know it's happening.  I swear, I'm completely paranoid of this guy because he would do exactly what I would do, in a given situation.  That's like when your mother gets so mad at you she curses you, "May you have one just like you.".  ...(considerable pause)

Makes me think.. if I can keep up with myself.  

On the 25th I think it is, I get to see my prescriber.  Yeah, I'm caving in.  I can't handle not sleeping for days and my son and sex and morning breakfast I mean really?  What part of me says I remember anything before noon?  No, he is a really nice guy.  I just got to keep an eye on that bastard is all.

I'm going to nap, but I got to fill up my fishtanks first.  The water evaporates really quickly and it gets to sounding like niagra falls, with a chinese torture twist.  Notice how I write of the task, instead of performing it.  I'm almost fond of writing about it, but ..yeah.  Ok. :P