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12 Step Reject

Nov 05 2011

If life is a game, I'm at level 52 or something.

 

1. People should hibernate.  There will still be plenty of nuts in the spring when we're finished.

2.  Outlawalarm clocks. 

3.  Make me not so uneasy about 12-step programs?

lol... I have no idea why 12-step programs make me nervous.  When I sit in a room at a 12-step meeting of any sort, I start to feel like this mindless mantra engulfs the room, taking away from individual experience.  A tad comparable to a church-like experience.  Church doesn't disturb me, being non-religious.  It's quite pretty, actually.  My son is Catholic, as he chose to be.  I read him all of his materials to make his confirmation from the church, but I just aint diggin' it.  He knows I am not religious, and that this is his choice.  Strange though, that he didn't pick a more visually stimulating religion.  He does like to learn about them all, and how some of the stories are similar in message.

"Hey, wanna catch a movie tonight?", I asked, thinking it would be a good way to get out of the house for some good, clean fun.

"Well, the meeting starts at 6:30 on Thursdays so we won't get to do that.".

Hmm..  There's only one problem with that.  Making the effort to get to the meeting is amazing and shows true will to be in recovery but...

What if you've got five or so years under your belt, and you still blow off other activities to make the meeting.  Do you ever get to see that movie in the theatre?   Do you ever get to do something other than focus all of your energy into the problem (and problems of others)?  When do we get to laugh and have a good time?

I don't know... I am so literal it's scary.  Tired?  Go to bed.  Sad?  You should laugh!  Antsy?  Go for a walk etc.  ...omfg I turned into my Dad.  Damn you Dad, when you said you would haunt me in the afterlife, I thought you were breaking my balls.  ...ya bastid, I love ya.

No matter how many people I asked to do fun things, I always got the same scared look back from them.  Maybe I'm recovering differently or at a different pace?  Or maybe my mind buzzes too fast to focus on something so organized... the addiction isn't organized at all, it seems so detached from the solution to me.  I wonder...

Ah well.. I'm off to  find something to do. xxxooo



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Comments (1)Add Comment
written by JonesFallsX, November 12, 2011
You might want to google Rule 62. There are many paths to a new way of life, 12 steps just happens to be the one that works for me. I wish it worked for everyone but ultiamtely that one recovers and finds a new way to live is far more important than the number of meetings one attends - or if one attends meetings at all. As for my recovery: staying home and reading a book, watching videos on youtube, going to a movie with a friend have all been a part of my recovery and I have missed meetings to do so. For me recovery isn't about what I'm doing, it's about how I'm doing it and my intentions in doing it. Just thought I'd mention this, this not meant to be a challenge, just sharing.

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