I sent him a text telling him how he had destroyed my feelings for him and that I was done.  I got no response, as expected.

I have to admit, I sort of hoped he would apologize.  I half wanted him to come back saying he had made a mistake.  I wanted him to at least care that he had hurt me.

But, he did not...and he does not.  In reality, I do not want to be faced with the stress and pain that goes with having him as my boyfriend.  I do, however, have borderline personality disorder and have a tough time letting anyone go.  I'm more afraid of abandonment than anything, especially with someone I spent so much time caring about. 

I have spent the past 3 days, when not in school, laying in bed sobbing with the lights turned off.  I deserve so much better than this, and I know it.  I am a smart, pretty, wonderful girl that a lot of guys would love to have a chance with... but it will be so difficult for me to be in another relationship after this.  I have never been in love before, and he was the first person I truly felt like I could spend my life with (if only he would love me consistently, which he would not).  It will be hard for anyone to take his place, in my mind.  We were so compatible, aside from his issues that destroyed us.  

So here I am, laying in the dark crying, feeling completely hopeless about ever falling in love for real.  I want someone to come fix me, to heal the pain this jackass has caused me...but I know no one can help me but myself.  I just cannot wait for this pain to end.