I am not allowed to have my own slef, my thoughts are not allowed to be spoken, for the punishment will be greater than I can deal with. I can not have my own self, I must be one with him, unless hedoes not want to be around me, then, I must be alone,a nd suffer miserably the entire time, if I do not suffer, he will make me suffer, he will find a way.

I am not allowed to show my true strength, that is in the  past, and must never be shown, unless it is to take over the duties that a man would usually assume. only then may I ever show strength. I must bow down to him at all times. unless he does not want me to, and I must know this without him telling me or giving any indication, I must guess, or somehow read his mind. I must know always what he expects of me, and never ask him, for this is me trying to irritate him, or prove him to be insane when both know that he is not insane, and has no problems, only the ones that I create by my endless questioning, and irrational statements, such as "Where did you put the toothpaste?", or "What would you like for lunch today?".

This is insanity...how does one get through this in one piece? How will I make it alone? I feel as though I am trying to shimmy up a rope with the contents of my entire house hanging off my back, people included.

How will I ever make it?