Why wear a ribbon?

"Addiction Recovery" (Mimipie)

MDJunction to me

"Here's a success story for you ,, there was this poor guy who all he ever did was work his butt off day in and day out, and would settle for no less than perfection which caused him to somewhat be an outcast among his peers.

But then people around him started to notice that failure wasn't an option and this guy could really get things moving in the direction they were supposed to go so when they had an issue they would hesitantly ask for assistance at first.

But as time went on more and more people started getting referred to him. Before you knew it he was recognized and he had a top executive job,Escalation Supervisor of the whole Eastern Coast of United States for a communications company was staying busy like he loved to do and helping people along the way and life was excellent, good salary and benefits ,loved going to work "everyday".

Then one day (it was a period of time ) it was over ...seemed like it disappeared in an instance (after being diagnosed with Parkinsons Disease at the age of 49) and it stayed that way forever it seemed and life was slowly deteriorating around him ..depressed , no motivation, no job, health issues getting progressively worse much faster than just Parkinson and then being told it has possibilities of being MSA (Multiple Systems Atrophy) well seeing as i wasn't working i started checking out sites online and just so happened on MDJunction and the Parkinsons Support Group and absolutely loved the forums and feed back from the GLs and found out it wasn't just poor me at all, it was lots of wonderful people who shared the same symptoms that i was and still am going thru every day but in a whole lot better more positive frame of mind . So after about a year of posting and reading the forums daily and meeting so many good people I knew i wanted to give back some of this well needed love that i had received , So I applied for a Group Leader Position and ...

I had a "new job" and its helping people as well as getting the necessary help I now require and I can do it 24 hrs a day if i want to ..HOW GOOD IS THAT .

THATS MY SUCCESS STORY/Testomonial
OH Yeah!I almost forgot the best part is the wonderful fellowship around the workplace,,

MDjunction has opened my eyes and offered me a new beginning to what was looking like a very dark end. thanks MDJ (and yes i do know where I would be without you.)" (jaguar62)

more testimonials

I am who I am. From the skin, down to my bones!

Whatever I am feeling. I am probably not watching my mouth. I truly write what I feel. This is my therapy. My writing is my release. So if you don't want to be offended please don't read. READ IF YOU MUST BUT I WARNED YOU ABOUT BEING OFFENED!! But please feel free to comment and leave messages. I would love to hear what everyone has to say as well.

My Unmediated Daze

Jan 27 2012

I have been on medication as long as I can remember. I was used to try and lighten the mood (every time my medication was switched) I would say I was a guinea pig, and it was a good thing Iliked little fuzzy things. But I lied. I mean really, what teenager really liked going to school feeling like a zombie and having their friends notice.. HELLO QUESTIONS?!?!? Not like you could go, "hey guys i gotta talk to you, okay here it is.. i have bipolar, obsessive compulsive personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, manic depression, and eating disorders.. but I'm totally medicated.. so don't look at me differently OK.. cool..." yeah that would have went well.. 8th graders are totally mature enough to handle all that!!! Whatever!!

Well, anyways I was always great about taking my medication. Until recently. I guess I got so comfortable with my medication that I thought I was doing it on my own. I wasn't taking into account what my medication was actually doing. I literally thought I was doing it all on my own and I ignored the signs of my Bipolar episodes. I would have episodes that would through me completely out of character and it would cause me to shut down. Then I would not confront what I had done I would ignore it. I would have manic episodes. I would have compulsive moments where I wanted to spend. I indulged in the risky behavior. Sometimes I would look in the mirror and I couldn't even recognized who I had become. I had ignored all these manic and depressive episodes, it was only gonna build up inside and bottle and get worse.

So I got really sick and missed my Pysch appointment. I ran out of my medications. I take 600 mg of Trileptal twice a day, 40 mg of Paxil, 50 mg of Topamax twice a day, and 400 mg of Seroquel. I went to consistently taking them to done! The first two days it was fine, kinda just like a horrible flu. But, then it just started to get worse. Like someone was painting black over my world. I was losing the color in my eyes and that glimmer in my heart.. It was so confusing..

I don't think I can truthfully tell you how many times I cried for no reason. It was absolutely absurd and ridiculous how out of control my emotions were. I felt like I was on a roller coaster from hell that I couldn't get off of.. Have you ever been on a roller coaster and your climbing the hill to the drop and you see the repair stairs and you wish more than anything you could get off before you hit the drop!! I guess the only difference is an actual roller coaster is a blast of a time. But a bipolar manic roller coaster is absolutely exhausting and draining..

I will say that I am proud of myself for not hurting myself because I do have a past of self mutilation. I will admit that before my unmedicated daze I did have a "suspicious" run in with a fan over five times. But no one really caught on or asked come questions. Sometimes I forget how sneaking I can be when I don't want people to truly know what's going on..

All in all I definitely had my eyes opened this week. I know that in my situation, I don't think that I will be able to live my life successfully without my medication. It was a hard pill to swallow, no pun intended. But at then end of the day, I rather be able to say that I have a hold on my Bipolar than have to admit that it has a hold on me.

Claire

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