Diary Entries for percussion62

Romantic Interlude followed by crying spells...

percussion62

Man oh Man. Have I spent most of my life crazy or what? Back in 1982, when I was with my boyfriend in college, I remember crying after we were intimate. Not happy tears, but like, boo-hoo-hoo. I was crying so much that he came back to the room before his class had ended because he felt so bad. I thought I was crying because I knew I shouldn't have been intimate with someone I wasn't married to. So, I guess that went on until I got married. I've been married for 20 [...]

Trying to be good...

percussion62

It's been a crazy week. It started with me having phone sex with my 1st cousin again. Then, I'm flirting and hugging all of these guys at the party last weekend. The pdoc added Topamax to my cocktail--now I feel like a complete zombie. People here at work are asking me what's wrong....Doctor had me cut the dose in half, but i still feel like the walking dead. It's like, I go around buzzing a mile a minute, then this..it's like everything is in slow motion..the clock is [...]

Our secret

percussion62

When we met 26 years ago, I could feel the chemistry between us. We held hands, we hugged, we kissed. We wanted more, but I knew that we couldn't--we shouldn't. The evening was our secret. For years I tried to avoid you, I tried to forget. Three years ago, we reconnected. We started to talk about what happened years ago.......Yesterday, when I saw you, you looked so good. I had to run away. I ran and I ran as fast as I could. I could not be around you [...]

Hypersexuality can be dangerous!!

percussion62

It started over 3 years ago. I didn't have the diagnosis yet, so I had no idea what was going on. When I 1st met my 1st cousin over 25 years ago, I did not know he was my cousin. We were instantlyattracted to each other. My Mom told me that he is my cousin--her brother's son. It was too late--our eyes had already locked. We spent the evening holding hands and kissing. He wanted to go further, but I told him no. He looked too much like my uncle, and that was too creepy. So, that was th [...]

Bored? Apply for another job!!!

percussion62

I have no idea why I feel so "ho hum". Husband and I just had our big celebration, things are good. I am bored at this job. I've been here for a year and a half, which isn't verylong. I want to do something else, so I am going to school, working on another degree. I don't want to be like those people who have all of these achievements, and are never happy. Once they meet a goal, then they look for yet another challenge. I just want to be content where I am, whil [...]

The Cougar is in check this time!

percussion62

I may see that 28 year old in a few days. Haven't seen or heard from him in 2 1/2 years. I have a great marriage, beautiful kids and I'm not going to mess it up for this loser. He did notdo a thing for me then, and certainly won't now. I do not need this guy to "feel good" about myself. We're all supposed to meet up for drinks, a few former co-workers and I think he's coming. So what--I was such a dope in 2008. Just falling all over him, then crying and gettin [...]

The High School Prom in 1980

percussion62

I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter...it didn't matter then. Why was I crying like someone died only a year ago.. "No one wanted me No one wanted me..I did Chemistry homework on prom night..." As sson as I get depessed, I start thinking about the "horrors of high school" again. My husband is so sweet, he says "Well, I took you to the reunion in 1990 and I also asked you to marry me!" Iam sitting here at my desk in tears now. It's lik [...]

Not again in 2010...

percussion62

I know I have to be careful..I almost had an affair 2 1/2 years ago with the 25 year old..I guess it was a blessing that he would not go to lunch with me. Now, my best friends brother, who is also married, sent me a message saying that he wants to meet me for a drink to "get to know one another better." I feel bad for him because his wife had a fling with another woman and he's dealing with that...i wouldn't mind being a shoulder to cry on, sort of, but i know how Iget whnever [...]

RonReaco Lee

percussion62

This man is so fine.

I can't get him off of my mind. Saw him in "Madea goes to Jail" (He plays Chuck) I wish I could find him...it would be great if he told me "You're the hottest 45 yr old I've ever seen" and maybe I'd finally stop worrying about my appearance and believe my husband and get on with my life.

Yeah right.

What is wrong with women wearing BRAIDS!!!!????

percussion62

I'm so glad I'm better. There would have been times that I would have been totally depressed about this. Last week, the humidity was 100% and my hair was worse than a 70's afro, so Iworethe wig, which has some blonde in it. I like the wig. Why do people feel they can come up to me and ask "Is that your hair?" or "What's up with the wig?" These are co-workers who I've only known for 6 months. I think that's rude. If I don't like someone's [...]

Men love Blonde Wigs??

percussion62

I wore this wid Sunday, and I noticed quite a few guys looking at me. Yes, I guess I do like the attention. I didn't get much of it when I was younger. I was always the "weird one" so now, with a husband and 4 kids I'm breaking out of that mold. My therapist actually advised me to get a make over. I think he's full of it, and I'm kinda doing this to prove that he's wrong. (He says that if I dress a little more 'stylish' I'll have more confidence and I wo [...]

No Date No Love?

percussion62

OK Maybe I'm just having a bad day. I'm so tired of begging my husband/talking to him about taking me out on a date. It's become a big joke to him. We go out to dinner about once a month, but I have to ask ask ask. I'm tired of it. My girlfriend says "It's just how it is" She says even if I were Halle berry, I'd have the same problem. We don't know, 'cause we don't know how her life is. I'm just so tired of begging--it's been that way ALL mky [...]

Will NOT have an Affair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

percussion62

Here I go again. The 35 yo "friend of the family" was flirting with me Friday night. He was only in town for the weekend for a family birthday party. His wife and kids were back home, outof state. So there we were, slow dancing and he's asking me to "hang out" with him. Thank goodness my kids were there. My 9 year old was standing guard like a Doberman.

I didn't go and he's gone back home. He's my sister's brother-in-law, so if he wanted to get in [...]

Nice or Nasty?

percussion62

I don't have time for this. I must get better. OK, I know why I have these headaches. Those crazy 5 days every month. I am 46 years old, so i still have to deal withe the monthlycycles. Feels like there is something lying across the back of my neck and head. But I've dealt with these since i was 12. i can deal. i have the lights off here in the office..just small light over the computer. I can deal with this, I can. I am just tried of crying abou [...]

Unattractive women need not apply....

percussion62

I'm really not such a bad person. I was getting to know my coworkers, and I told them the truth-I'm a laid back kind of gal, enjoy my family, enjoy a lot of different things....funk music from the'70's, love CSI and cold case and Without a trace....I just keep getting "tripped up" about questions that I can't answer, and no one else can answer.

Ok. Fact 1. No matter how beautiful, smart and fun you are, not everyone will like you. < [...]

Post Mid-Life Crisis.....

percussion62

Why does it matter? Why do I keep thinking and wondering and trying to figure out why mecah or Kenny or Philip or John or Matthew didn't like me in the 70's/ Or why Isaac decidedto marry someone else back in 1988? Why is it an issue now? Well, I wonder if whatever was wrong with me then is still wrong with me now....No-I don't remember them giving me a reason why they "hated my guts' or didn't want to be my boyfriend. It started bothering me last ye [...]

What a difference a day makes!

percussion62

Feel like a totally different person today. My husband and I had a ball last night--went out for burgers and a drink, got a few wild videos and had a nice romantic evening. Tookmy seroquel at midnight....this morning, I'm focused, i can do my work not agitated and walking everywhere. Now, when I think about the coworker from last year and the massage therapist, I can say well, I'm not chasing either one of them--don't have time. Hope I continue to fe [...]

Knee deep in hypomania.....

percussion62

I've been walking non stop today..in the rain with my daughter's ipod...I feel so free walking around campus in all black..leather coat..black tights..black skirt.....I'm so tired of thinkingabout these guys all the time...they probably don't think of me. If my ex-boyfriend did, he could send a letter to my Mom's house. Guess he figures we're both married with families, no need to rock the boat. My poor husband doesn't understand. he knew I had to leave the hous [...]

Hot Massage Therapist-Part II

percussion62

Mom says the guy is attracted to me--that's why he was a "no show" for the last 2 appointments...I haven't seen him in a week. It's better I don't--It's like I'm addicted to romance-the feeling of falling in love and can't wait to be with you-can't wait to jump your bones again feeling.I keep thinking about when he was massaging my back and when he basically leaned too far into my backside...I was having a horricle migraine at the time, and I can&# [...]

An anonymous letter ......

percussion62

It is very difficult for me to forget about you and get on with my life. Last year, I really started to like you and it grew into something that was quite "different" for me. I ama lot older than you (or you are a lot younger than I am, however you want to look at it) so, the age thing in itself (2-count them, 2 whole decades!!!) makes this seem so much more strange. I am a happily married woman who has NEVER kissed anyone else besides her husband in over 18 years. I [...]