WOW I am soooo excited, I finally get to see my psych. and talk to someone. I am kind of nervous because I am afraid that I will get like i always do and I wont be able to talk to him and then he won know whats really wrong with me. But i am going to try my best, cause thats all I can do, right? Well, hopefully I have some good news to write about tonight!!

Man I really hate myself. I am about to get kicked out of where I am living because of my bp. I live with my cousins who took me in so they could help me find a better job and to learn to live on my own. Well I have had a few bad spells since I have been here because i was put on Lexapro for depression and it made me flip out and thats when my doctor started talking to me about being bp and he said that he thinks that I am bp so he put me on seroquel, but that I need to talk to a psych. so I have an appointment with one on tuesday. But I have done alot of research about bp and I have pretty much all of the symptoms and it explains so much about the past and I am so glad to know that its not just me. But when I tried to explain to my cousins how i feel and stuff and they just thought I was crazy, and now they dont want me here anymore and i dont know where to go. 

Holy Cow, I have only been awake for an hour and 15 minutes and it already isn't good. The people that I live with just don't understand what I am going through and that sometimes it isn'treally me and that sometimes i just need to wait it out until I can talk to them. They just get upset with me and start telling me about how I don't need to act like that and it makes me feel so stupid and i know its not really me but I cant help but feel like I am the one doing all of this. Today will hopefully get better. Maybe I will go excersise.

I dont know if it is just me or the BP but sometimes I just cant stand people and I dont want to be around anyone all I want is to listen to my music and be with my dog. At least she just listens to meand dosen't get mad at me or anything like that. This morning I had a doctors appointment and my ousin took me and she kept asking me questions and drilling me about stuff and I just wanted to jump out of the car by the time we got to the parking lot!! Sometimes I just dont know what is wrong with me.

Well this is my first step in communication. Don't ask me why I can do this when I usually cant communicate in any way shape or form. I have recently moved in with my cousins, and for most of mylife before this I lived with my grandparents and I was emotionally abused by them and we never talked about our emotions or anything else the only time they really talked to me was when I was in trouble. Well now my cousins are trying to get me to talk and communicate with them and I just cant do it, my cousin actually bought me a notebook and pen set for me to keep a journal to see if it would help me. Well it didn't I cant really explain why but I cant even write about y feelings in a journal. And why I can talk about them on here I don't know why, maybe its because people on here have somewhat of and understanding of what i am going through.

So now to the present, I have recently been diagnosed as Bipolar and I am very wierded out but the whole thing, I dont know how to tell people and I dont know how my loved ones will react and to out it straight out I am scared for myself and the people around me. Today I had a depressing day maybe tomorrow it will be better