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Jun 27
2008
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- I am done I have stayed too long tried to hard to get better only getting worse and worse sicker more and more pain, so f--k it I need to stop being a chicken and figure out how to get out of here stop worring about if I will screw it up and just do something to make everything stop.
I hve lost everything to the pain, my home, my business, my friends, my happiness, my drive and determination, my loving caring spirit i can't care about normal things when blinded each day by extreme pain and I regret each day that I am alive now, I am worthless, can't work and can't get SS and feel a burden to my husband
why should this kind wonderful man have to have a worthless wife, I do my husband a diservice by living and leaning so much on him
I am so tried of people saying no don't think about ending it " it is not fair to your loved ones" "we love you" blah blah blah f--k it ! they are being unfair to continue to want me to stay here and be tortured by my own body day in day out even waking up from sleep crying from the pain there have been no days off from pain in years
No one would allow a animal to suffer so much.
I say to family and friends sorry but if you loved me as you say you would help me figure this out
and stay with me while I move on to the other side some candles and soothing music with my loved one near would be best for me that would be love to help me find peace in a gentle way
I have begun to relalise that, the more doctors I see trying to find a way to get better that the worst I am getting they seem do do nothing or worse yet the supid drugs they give cause me to feel worse.
No more trying to get better for me, I know when I am beat
I have had my SLE/ FIBRO, and 3-4 other big bad medical problems for 13 years or more and for years I stopped all Drs. except my family DR and that was minimal only for emergency stuff and to get predisone refills it is the only med that has ever helped me
I am far in far worse pain and torment in the last 2 years that I have been going to drs. again all through ton's of meds at me and they suck don't work I have tried it ALL......
So I will now make a vow to myself to get free to end this all someway and the sooner the better.
