Diary Entries for ang12

Journaling

ang12

I have decided to keep a seperate journal (other than this) that I can write in. I specifically want to write about FEELINGS...what triggers me... also, write what helps on certain days, so I can learnwhat has been helpful. What has really helped is to not wait to eat dinner when my husband gets home from work. I was letting myself get too hungry! Then it is difficult to resist temptation....for good reason, my body NEEDS food. Also, having OA really helps too. I like being around the othe [...]

A Great Day

ang12

I am feeling very happy. Today was a great day. I know that after work can be a difficult time for me...I often have a tough time resisting the urge to BP...today I thought, "what can I do to help?" And the thing is I eat lunch so early, and am really getting hungry. So, I brought a sugar free hot choc to drink and on my way home I stopped at subway for a turkey sand...I get too hungry to wait until dinner, so I decided go ahead and eat and have a salad, and light veggie for dinn [...]

Here is what a great day is/ bp free of coarse

ang12

I am happy because I am motivated in my recovery. I have more energy. I planned to eat a healthy meal for dinner out with my husband, and even though he wanted to share an appetizer of hot wings..I letmyself have just two...and tried to not eat the skin. I knew if I ate too many...or skin, I would purge. I did great during my workday, not overeating...at my high risk time I had a sugar free hot choc. I dressed hot, enjoyed my co-workers and not obsessing about what binge foods I could eat. I tho [...]

Getting Better

ang12

I had a pretty good month in NOV. b/p way less than usual!! I plan on doing even better this month. Going to OA helped! I worry about my wt still, but am doing well on not overeatingmost of the time! Glad to have this website. It helps when I take the time to use it! Glad not to feel so all alone! Motivated to have a successuful month. I know I may slip, as I did some in Nov. but, I want to progressively do better and better. Tracking my amount of BP helps. Wish I could s [...]

O.A. First meeting

ang12

I am so very excited!! Today, I went to an OA meeting and it was wonderful. The people were very nice, and I did not feel alone. I am looking forward to the next one. I KNOW this will be veryhelpful. One gal came up to me after the group. She was so nice...struggles with similar issues of my ED. I hope I will make some new friends here. People at the group were so honest and real. It is nice to be surrounded with people with caring ways, and good intentions for their health. Ma [...]

A Great Day of trying hard, using my brain, and succeeding!

ang12

At home alone, had a healthy snack...feeling lonely and wanting food even though I was not physically hungry....Grabbed my stuff, went to the library..sat and studied. Looked at some of the self helpbooks. It was nice! My husband called wanted to meet for dinner at 6:30. Already ate around 5:00 like I usually do...decided to go to a diner and had salad bar..just the healthy stuff.!! and hot tea. Enjoyed his company more than ever and was so happy because I knew I tried hard and would add a st [...]

Small changes to big Differences

ang12

Today, I was out and about... I needed to stop at the grocery store, but feel like I would want to buy donuts!! I could tell it could be risky business. I am home alone today, and a bit stressedover a couple of things. But, I purposely went to CVS instead and bought what I needed...my healthy cereal, skim milk...few other things. I felt good to have stayed away. I then came home and fixed a healthy meal. Good fuel for my body for a great day!! I am learning and doing sooo much better [...]

Sabatoge self

ang12

I have been doing great..with the exception of right before bedtime on occassion I give in after I DID great all day!!! I don''t want this to let me get discouraged, and I will not. I will continueto practice the good habits I have newly adopted. I will try my best to resist a purge at end of an almost star DAY!!! I will continue to keep track of my star, B days...or F..hopefully these will be very infrequent....They were every day for many days in my past. So, I must remind [...]

Had a "slip"/ Knew it woud happen

ang12

OK, well...I knew this would happen sooner or later. STRESS got to me...lost my car keys..searching all over work, avoided the breakroom all day because there were"goodies in there" Even atelunch somewhere else again...with my healthy meal I brought. Had to search in breakroom as I was in there during the day...By myself, ate a treat...and another...donut, then Canolli, meatball, garlic bread (there was a feast in front of me, I was hungry too.) So, of coarse I did not keep in do [...]

That Darn scale/Doctor visit......copy and pasted from my discussion

ang12

OK, remember how I said I don't weigh myself...I don't. Have not for a yr. BUT today I had my yrly girl Doctor apt. And YIPE....I Knew I had gained a little over the past year, but not 5 lbs. MY jaw wanted to drop. I felt sick inside. I thought Maybe I gained 2-3, I have been eating more in the evening....consistently (my husband has been working late..so I eat dinner early...then again a little more when He is home) Before I went to the Dr. I TOLD myself I WOULD not look or ask! But she [...]

Planning ahead for Red Lobster/ Enjoyed food and company! NO MONSTER WITH ME

ang12

A great! Feeling so good and satisified with my food. Also, not overeating...not afraid I will be gaining...though I will not weigh. I prepared in advance what I would eat at Red Lobster. We ateLunch/dinner there...around 3pm so this was great. I had saved room for cals. I planned to have just one cheese bisquit YUMM and enjoyed it, I ate 1/2 of my meal as planned and saved the rest for lunch tomorrow. Today I went a little over cals (trying to stay about 1200) But, it was worth it. NO BIG [...]

Life is good and I am strong/ Inspire my daughter

ang12

I am happy. For some reason I finally want to put this distored way of eating/coping behind me. There is no choice in the matter. I will not live in this place of secret anymore. I am focusing on the good in my life. I feel so blessed to have a sweeheart 17 yr old son and glorious daughter 15 and a husband who is everything I woud have dreamed for and more. I love my work too. I am also glad that I had hidden my disease...while in the presence of my family. E [...]

Day 5 and doing great! I am not alone anymore with this disease. Thank GOD!

ang12

I feel so happy. I need to remember how good it feels to be eating healthy food which decreased my want for binge food! It is actually pretty simple in some ways. IF I don't get food and nourishment, my body will seek it until it gets what it needs. I was prepared today when I left the house. I had breakfast before I left house for many errands. I also brought a healthy snack in case I got hungry. I was satisfied. And for the past 5 days, I have not been hungry, and am not gaining...I fee [...]

F.YOU Doughnuts and Disease

ang12

I walked out of breakroom today, resisted Dnuts I thought "f YOU, I don't want you...etc!! It helped. I took my lunch bag and went to another area to eat. Drove again new route. It's working. I hope I can keep strong!!! I am going to keep practicing and learning ways to help myself. Like war, we need to have a plan..and weapons, Or we can't compete.

HOPEFUL, feeling tough and going to use my knowlege for power

ang12

I feel happy today. More confident than Ihave. I forget how this secret disease makes me feel a little paranoid, dishonest, ashamed. The past few days I hold my head higher, I look my co-workers in theeyes...and care about them. My thoughts are more free, not consumed with when and where I can get something to eat. I KNOW Iam more content because I have food staying down...NOURISHMENT!!! My body is not crying for it's next meal. My concentration is better. My time is not wasted. [...]

Day 1

ang12

Day one of no binge/purge. I feel motivated and hope to continue on a way to recovery! I am sick of this MONSTER named Bulimia. "BULLY" that is what I will call it, because it tormementsme. I want to kick it's ass. I am sick of it, and want to at at least trap it in a cage, if I cannot kill it completely. IT IS NOT my friend. I am tired of turning to it for comfort. I am looking for new comfort.

First Goal

ang12

Today is the first day of hope. I found this website today, and believe it will help me. I will be accountable for my ways. I am sick of living a lie. I want to ensure myself a healthier future. I will practice new ways of coping with the stress of life. My first goal is to not buy binge food after work. I purposely will drive another way than I usually do, and listen to the song "I'll fly away" by Kelly Clarkson....for inspiration. I will give myself 5.00 dollars ea time [...]