This diary hopefully will inspire others and help me express feelings I have pent up about my daughter's 10yr. drug addiction.
Writing poetry and sending it to my daughter helps both of us I think'
My daughter has been drug-free for over a year now, praise God. She is so beautiful and doing so well in her life, I couldn't be any prouder of her. It's so nice to have my beautiful daughter back!
"Into the Light"
The beast has come, barring it's teeth
It tries to consume me, take over my soul.
It brings down my spirit, keeps me in the dark.
It knows my weakness, it hits the mark.
It binds me in chaians and steals my control,
it lies and steals and tries to console.
The beast has come barring it's teeth.
It's dark and evil and takes me down,
to the pits of hell with flames all around.
I writhe in agony, there is no escape,
I feel the hopelessness the beast can make.
I cry and cry until there is no more,
the tears are dry, my eyes are sore.
"Oh God, help me!" I pray,
deliver me from this demon, I'll die this way.
I feel the cool wind on my neck, a relief.
I fall to my knees in disbelief.
I feel the wings brush against my cheek,
He sent an angel, I felt so weak.
He lifted me to the light to escape,
the evil one, the souls he takes.
The light is bright, the beast tries to run,
The beams hit him like lightening, God know knows what's he's done.
God's glory burst forth, he cannot see,
The beast looks and looks but cannot find me.
The angel lifted me out of the dark,
and comforted me in the pain.
He healed and cleansed me
like a warm summer rain.
The heavens rejoice and a song they sing.
I'm carried away on an angels wings.
God wispers my name, and I am free.
Everyone here is great to talk to. I try to help other people, it helps me cope.
Since all of this started, my ocd and depression have gotten a lot worse, I hope I can get some relief from it.
I joined the depression, ocd and lupus support groups, I figured it's nice to talk about it all
I feel pretty good today. I always feel better when the sun is out!
Of course you always have bad things happen in your life but I will tell you about the worst for me.
When my Grandson, Andrew was 10, the little boy next door would come over and ask if he could come next door to his house and play. Andrew would go over to his house, and more often than not, the little boy would take him upstairs to his big brother's room to play. After they played for awhile, his big brother would come upstairs, lock the door and made Andrew watch porn with him and then he would rape him. The boy's mother and father weren't there I guess and his mother worked at the hospital. This went on for about 9 months and Andrew was afraid to tell anyone because the boy had threatened to kill him.
How we found out - The police went to my daughter's house at 2:00 in the morning and told her what was going on. Andrew admitted it then. The police told us that the same thing had been happening to four other boys in the neighborhood and that one of them finally told their parents. The boy that raped them, made his little brother go over and tell them to come play.(He said his Mother would be home) Of course, all of the parents and Grandparents were devastated. The police said that they found porno's, rubber gloves and dirty tissues in the boys room.
It ended up we all went to court and the boy that raped them had to go to an institution until he was 18 (he was only 14 at the time of the crime) When the parents gave the wittness statements, the boys parents didn't even look at them and they looked like they were laughing when my daughter said "My son doesn't even smile anymore, you took his innocense away.) I'm still barely dealing with it after 6yrs., and I will never get over it.
I've told this story because I want all parents to be on the lookout for predators. As you can see, it could be your next door neighbor.
I'm having a bad pain day today! Fibro and RA seems to be taking it's toll on me. I'm in so much pain with my knees, feet and back I can hardly get moving. I'm due for more cortisoneshots in my knees, just have to make the appt. I don't know why I put it off, it doesn't hurt to get them. It's raining today and that has a lot to do with it. Maybe I should move to Arizona?
Sometimes the pain makes me very depressed but at least I know that it does and I can try to get a good mind set where that doesn't happen. I know there are a lot of people out there a lot worse off than me and I shouldn't complain but I just get so tired of it all sometimes. The pain is always there and neverending but I will just keep on going and moving until I can't anymore. There are so many things I want to do and sitting around in pain and feeling sorry for myself isn't one of them! UGH!
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