|Jan 05 2012|
I don't think anyone will ever understand what it's like to lose a child unless they've gone through it themselves. When you lose the most precious thing to you, you're a lot more careful. I hate not having anyone who understands how much pain I'm in and how afraid I am of losing this new baby to SIDS. I was on a discussion about co-sleeping and bed safety, and it is controversial, obviously. People are saying "WHEN DONE SAFELY" I don't move in my sleep at all, I am an extremely light sleeper...I was VERY SAFE...so people can't tell me co-sleeping is "safe" if done correctly. It just depends on the child. I loved sleeping with my daughter. And I'm not dissing anyone who co-sleeps if nothing bad has happened, but you can't say that co-sleeping has no effect when it HAS been proven. UCK. I think I'm too emotional lately.
I don't mean to be all angry and stuff, but it seems like no one understands or cares. Some days I wish everyone would have to go through what I went through. I don't think it's fair at all that it had to happen to me. I don't mean to be this way or feel this way. It just frustrates me when people sleep with every guy they meet since like age 10 (and believe me there are girls) and then they get pregnant and live happily ever after. It just feels so unfair that God took my child when I made this mistake once. And then my life is ruined. I'm over blaming God though. And I know He knows what He's doing, even though I don't understand.
Besides just freaking out about the future, I am excited because my best friend may be going through the same thing. I'm a little disappointed in her, because I told her to be careful and not let guys take advantage of her. So if she's pregnant we have plans...if not I don't know what I'll do...probably never sleep unless I have someone watching this little one.
Ahhh. I hate this in-between feeling right now. I never know what I'm going to do. Whether I will get a job, will this baby be okay? Will college work out? ): It seems everyone at my school is getting pregnant. Well, I mean from my high school. Everyone getting out. It's incredible. I blame some of it on me...but I'm jealous too, because they have all the support in the world and people doing everything for them and I didn't. I hate high school. I hated mine. I'm a freak and you know I may never fit in with that group of people, but I'll be happy eventually. I think it's just my hormones.
Okay I'll be quiet now.
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