Going Good

It's been a long hellish road. I still have concerns, but I can't let those concerns run my life. If I'm ever going to trust him, I have first have to give him the opporutnities to do so. He was supposed to meet with his counselor Thursday, but his counselor forgot. He's been talking to others that are weaning down and they say 1 mg each day is working for them so far...so that's what he wants to do. We've discussed the battle that will begin after the methadone is done. I'm staying hopeful that he can do it. He's come sooo far. Christmas will be great this year for our son.

Thanks babies1 and Lostlady for your positive feedback. I've told very few people about my decision b/c I don't want to hear the negative comments. I've thought long and hard about it..even weighed out the pros and cons. My sister said it seems I've approached it from every angle and that it's obvious I've thought it through...which I have. He knows the consequences if he messes up...and everything has been discussed also. : )

Thanks Tracy. I did tell my friend that's not supportive, and as I anticipated, she wasn't supportive. She kept saying it was too soon and he hasn't lived on his own long enough. I just kept telling her she doesn't understand and that there was no way for her to understand unless she was me. I told her that I know she worries and doesn't want me to get hurt, but I have to take this chance. I don't want to go through life wondering if I made the right decision. I told her I appreciate her concern, but I'm comfortable with my decision, which tells me it's the right one for me. She said she's worried about what might happen to Johnny if things don't work out. I told her I would much rather take the chance and find out now then drag this on for another year or so. I told her the way things are now is not what I want Johnny to think is "normal"....mom and dad are married but don't live together....dad has his own place but is at my place every single day...so on and so forth. I told her I'm trying to provide a Johnny with a sense of normalcy and this is the way for me to do it. If John relapses, then I'll deal with it then but I can't live my life based on "what ifs". She still disagreed with my choice, but I told her I've made up my nind and I've put alot of thought into this decision...and I've had Johnny's best interest in mind with all of this. I also told her that she doesn't know the real John like I do and never will. I told her there's alot more there than she realizes and I can't even begin to tell her the numerous examples of how he's changed. I was adiment about my decision being what is best for my family...that I want to teach Johnny that you don't give up on marriage unless you have no other choice.

I changed the subject after that. I was dreading telling her but wanted to get it over with. Everyone else has been receptive to the idea....shocked but receptive. My sister said if that's what makes me happy, then that's what she wants for me. I was happy to hear her say that. That's all I want...for people to respect my decision. I didn't just wake one morning and decide to let him move back in. Not only that, but I've put measures in place to protect Johnny and myself as best possible. That's all I can do.

Thanks for always being supportive! I really appreciate it!