another day

im not doing so well today. i feel horrible. my kids are cranky and im cranky... i can already tell today is going to suck. i feel sick and i dont know why. im starting to question everything in mylife. 

are my kids ok? do they have it? should i do this or that instead?

half the time i dont know the answers.

my scar is really hurting. i dont know why it would still hurt.

i dont like to be alone anymore. i have noticed that since i found out about everything, i have started smoking more... i know just what i need, but it gets me out of the house and a chance to talk to someone who is older then my kids. i cry everytime my husband goes to work. him leaving isnt new and idk y it would bother me now.

my mind just keeps gong a million miles an hour. it needs to stop. hubby is supposed to get me new med from the doctor today. i just hope he can make it. we are basically out of gas, have no money and payday isnt for another week.

maybe my issue is just a lot of extra stress... i normally handle stress pretty well.. idk something is going on with me.

lately i have been feeling paranoid and empty... idk how to describe it, its just how i feel... i dont want to feel empty, i need to feel whole again. and i need to feel safe with eveerything besides being paranoid and having hubby up every 5 minutes cause i thought i heard a noise.

i just have to take it a day at a time and see how things go.