Selfish People |
Dec 29 2009 |
Being Strong and have FM and Lupus seem to be funny when you say them together. I get so run down and I want to crawl into bed and just sleep the day away or I would like for every one to hold myhad because I hurt so bad this day. Yet for some reason I have been blessed with a family that is so self centered that they could careless about my pain and agony. All they want is for me to take care of this do that complete this finish that. Do this for them do this for their friends. When I say no I am a Bitch, I am self centered. Just like today when I said no to driving MY truck I am a bitch. How dare I make them drive them the car I bought them, I should be put out and let them drive the truck I pay for. My knees hurt, my head hurts, my throat and mouth is covered in ulcers, my hands and feets are always cold. I am never warm, even though I have had a Hysterectomy due to the Endometriosis. You would think with all my pain and suffering I am in my 60's. I am only 40. There are days when I can not get out of bed. I am tired of being tired. I am tired of being alone. I am tired of being underappreciated. I am tired of the people I am surrounded by. I will never be alright with negative people bringing me down.
Comments (7)
HI Michelle. I'm sorry to hear that you have flared. I think it is unhelpful to listen to the criticisms of others who do not understand your pain and suffering with lupus. You should rest and look after yourself, and not worry what others may think. Take care. Marie.
I'm sorry Michelle,
Its bad enough you feel sick as a dog and then for people to not be supportive on top of it just makes things worse. I don't know how long ago you were diagnosed but I know in the beginning my husband wasn't very supportive AT ALL and would always say why are you sleeping all the time or call me lazy and say I didn't do anything...He didn't get how much pain I was in and what it does to you. Now there are still times he gets frustrated and I think thats understandable but its much better...Soooo hopefully your family will learn to understand that you do what you can when you can and learn to be more compassionate and supportive of you.
By the way, I saw that your lupus is attacking your GI Tract...Mine is too. So if you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me anytime!
Kelly
Its bad enough you feel sick as a dog and then for people to not be supportive on top of it just makes things worse. I don't know how long ago you were diagnosed but I know in the beginning my husband wasn't very supportive AT ALL and would always say why are you sleeping all the time or call me lazy and say I didn't do anything...He didn't get how much pain I was in and what it does to you. Now there are still times he gets frustrated and I think thats understandable but its much better...Soooo hopefully your family will learn to understand that you do what you can when you can and learn to be more compassionate and supportive of you.
By the way, I saw that your lupus is attacking your GI Tract...Mine is too. So if you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me anytime!
Kelly
Thanks.. My husband calls me lazy all the time. Tells me I am faking and you know all the other stuff. I really think the worse part is that he does not bother to see what Lupus is all about. He only asked if I was dying and when I responded one day like everyone does in the world he goes then get over it. He does not care to understand what I am going through. I have good days and then I get those two to ten days that I feel really good and I convince myself the doctors are wrong that is not the diagnosis and then wham it all begins again or something else happens a new symptom comes up. Last time I convinced myself doctors where wrong and I was really just crazy and a hypo I started having migaine headaches. Never had them in my entire life. Again told myself they where not that and I suffered for 5 months with them everyday. Sometimes two and three a day before I went back to the doctor. Just for them to tell me new part of the Lupus lets treat the symptoms. So tired of treating Symptoms..................... Finally have a good pain med and now my rheumy he is new thinks I should stop taking the migriane meds that I just started.... I had to tell him NONONONONO..... He thought I had always had migraines in my life. Hate having 5 different doctors for all the different parts of the body this disease attacks. Need one who can do it all..... Sorry just really frustrated. Just diagnosed within the last year and really just accepting the diagnosis the last two months. On top have Fibro, you think my daughter would understand since she is diagnosed also, she thinks I am faking. So you know, No family support, 2 Sisters, 2 Brothers and none of them want to hear me so just me typing. Have no real friends my mom brought us up with Dad in military so family was our friends so I am lefts with just my fingers doing the talking and venting for me. Sorry did not mean to go on and on..............
Go on as much as you want...Thats what I am here for 
I am so sorry to hear your situation. I am lucky to have some support. They never fully understand it but I have never been accused of faking it! Thats just cruel!! I suffer from the migraines too...Actually I had them 24-7 so bad I couldn't function and my rheummy couldn't get them to stop either so I ended up with a neurologist. I went on topomax...Its a preventative med for it and I take imitrex when I still get them occassionaly. I went up to a really high dose of 475mg on the topomax before it finally got rid of them....Now I have to come off of it completely because it can cause birth defects...UGH! I'm down to 350 and already getting them again...Horrible horrible one 2 days ago that lasted 2 days...Just not fun! But if I have to in order to get pregnant...Totally worth it
And it does seem like all they do is treat symptom after symptom...Maybe one day, all we can do is hope, they will find something to actually treat the whole part of lupus.
It takes a long time to accept this and I don't know if you ever do...Its been 3 yrs this month for me and I think I'm more angry than ever about it...I'm also sicker than I ever have been so that can have something to do with it! But really, how can you not be angry when you have something that has taken so much from you...
As far as Fibro, not too sure about it...I think I have secondary fibro though...There are days that I seriously can not even touch myself, a pillow, nothing because it feels like I have been beat up...Just my skin is soooo sensitive to the touch its insane!
I don't know what branch your Dad was in but I grew up as an Army Brat lol...so I know how that life is...I lived in Arizona for 7 yrs and let me tell you....We didn't even have family there...My friends, were the lizards I found in the trees haha.
I wish I had advice to give you about your uncompassionate family....But I guess I would try and drag your husband to your dr appt. with you so maybe he sees how serious all this is. Then just maybe he would have a much needed change of heart and attitude.
I am so sorry to hear your situation. I am lucky to have some support. They never fully understand it but I have never been accused of faking it! Thats just cruel!! I suffer from the migraines too...Actually I had them 24-7 so bad I couldn't function and my rheummy couldn't get them to stop either so I ended up with a neurologist. I went on topomax...Its a preventative med for it and I take imitrex when I still get them occassionaly. I went up to a really high dose of 475mg on the topomax before it finally got rid of them....Now I have to come off of it completely because it can cause birth defects...UGH! I'm down to 350 and already getting them again...Horrible horrible one 2 days ago that lasted 2 days...Just not fun! But if I have to in order to get pregnant...Totally worth it
And it does seem like all they do is treat symptom after symptom...Maybe one day, all we can do is hope, they will find something to actually treat the whole part of lupus.
It takes a long time to accept this and I don't know if you ever do...Its been 3 yrs this month for me and I think I'm more angry than ever about it...I'm also sicker than I ever have been so that can have something to do with it! But really, how can you not be angry when you have something that has taken so much from you...
As far as Fibro, not too sure about it...I think I have secondary fibro though...There are days that I seriously can not even touch myself, a pillow, nothing because it feels like I have been beat up...Just my skin is soooo sensitive to the touch its insane!
I don't know what branch your Dad was in but I grew up as an Army Brat lol...so I know how that life is...I lived in Arizona for 7 yrs and let me tell you....We didn't even have family there...My friends, were the lizards I found in the trees haha.
I wish I had advice to give you about your uncompassionate family....But I guess I would try and drag your husband to your dr appt. with you so maybe he sees how serious all this is. Then just maybe he would have a much needed change of heart and attitude.
He only takes time to Fish and Hunt no time for me and if I don't do that with him I am left no where on his list. When my mom passed away two years ago we had already made plans to have my hystectomy since my endo was getting so bad nothing else was working. Planned it and she was suppose to be with me so he could do what ever. Well she passed three weeks before the surgery. He was mad that I did not post pone the surgery since he had to miss opening weekend of deer season. He is just as selfish. I just need to realize i really need to just not worry about them and focus on me at times.
Just I am not Self Centered I Care About All People and Want them to be Good. Maybe that is why I am always run down and in a Flare. Midnight here and I am just now eating for the first time today. Not even hungry just know I need to eat.... Happy New Year
That really is awful...I think you do need to think about yourself more...Your health is number one and if they can realize that, you need to. Its time to take care of you
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