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Getting back to the doctor - p8ntballgrl's Diary
View Profile Ok so today is the first day I will start this journey over again.
I finally heard back from the pysch. I have to drop by and fill out paperwork again since it's been so long since I've seen him. I lied to my office manager and told her it was for my orthodontist. I hate that part of my disorder. I feel that everyone is looking at me like they know all my deepest darkest secrets.
Let me just say this now for the record....."I DON'T WANT TO KILL MYSELF!!" but sometimes I find myself thinking about my life insurance policy and thinking of how my family could use it to better themselves.
I love them dearly and I would never want to hurt them in anyway but I can't for the life of me figure out why in the hell i think this way.

Mar 29
2008

Truth by Seether

If I gave you the truth, would it keep you alive?
Though I'm closer to wrong
I'm no further from right
And now I'm convinced on the inside that something's wrong with me
Convinced on the inside, you're so much more than me, yeah
No there's nothing you say that can salvage the lie
But I'm trying to keep my intentions disguised
And now I'm deprived of my conscience and something's got to give
Deprived of my conscience
This all belongs to me, yeah

I'm beaten down again, I belong to them
Beaten down again, I've failed you
I'm weaker now my friend, I belong to them
Beaten down again, I've failed you

The deception you show is your own parasite
Just a word of advice you can heed if you like
And now I'm convinced on the inside that something's wrong with me
Convincd on the inside you're so much more than me, yeah
I'm beaten down
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