It's any old day and there is a feeling deep down. It could be hunger or it could be "the attack".

Control your breathing, in thru your nose out thru your mouth. Is it working? Your heart starts the pounding like a hammer on steel. You tell yourself breathe, breathe.

Your eyes dart around looking, looking for a place to hide till "the attack" is gone. How long will it last?

It's here, your brain feels like it may blow out of your skull, it's here! My hand, my arm I've lost control of it. It twitches, you shake it like your trying to get feeling back in it. The tears are starting, the shallow breathing. Breathe, Breathe!!

It will never end, can't catch my breath. Under the covers, under the table, behind closed doors is where I need to be.

He's there, I can hear his voice. He is saying focus on my voice. I scream "I can't"! "I can't"! What is he saying? Something about love, something about "I'm here"! He has a grip on my hand, he is saying, "can you feel me touching your hand"? I mumble thru the tears "yes".

Concentrate on the touch, yes I can feel the touch, listen to the voice, yes I can hear the voice. He asks, "which way is my finger moving on your hand"? What, which way? A circle I think. Yes he says a circle. Now which way I'm I moving my finger? A figure 8. Yes a figure 8 he says.

My breathing slows, the tears still flow but I'm coming back. Slowly, I realize what has happened. He face is there, blurred but there.

I ask "how long did it last"? Not long, shorter than the others. Your ok, he says. Your still here and i'm still holding your hand.

My heart is slowing to normal speed. I'm exhausted, I want to lay down and sleep. He takes me to the bed and I curl up in a ball, then he's there beside me still holding my hand and tracing a figure 8. But he says it's not a figure 8 it's the sign of infinety and that's how long he will be here so he can bring me back, back from "the attack".