Ok i've done the doctor thing, i've done the med thing. i have been all by myself for about 48 hours now and i'm done.

I don't know whether to just pack my stuff and move backhome, giving up all my freedom or just stay here and be depressed. I want a real drink in the worst way. I wanna go to a club and drink till I feel good and everyone looks good. I can't control my spending so my b/f took my debit card so all i have are checks. I bought a fax machine for $20 at the pawn shop but haven't told him yet, i hid it under the bed. He never looks and then when we need money to pay rent i can't bring myself to tell him we don't have enough in the bank.

i just wanna go home. I know i can talk my way into just sleeping for days at my parents house. although that was then, i don't know now.