Why wear a ribbon?

"Thyroid Cancer" (kourtneytxok)

MDJunction to me

"When I first came to MDJ, I was in need of peer support in dealing with issues of my childhood abuse. I was moving away from the painful issues and trying to find an uplifting group of people to help me transition to a thriver in my life. I found that here. I also found a group of peers with Fibromyalgia and found the same uplifting experience there. My computer crashed and it was a while before I found my way back, this time with issues related to Parkinson's Disease. I had tried a few other support sites before reminding myself of MDJ. On those, I never got a reply. I finally found my way back here and again found very supportive, caring and inspiring people who made me feel like I was 'back home'. Indeed I am." (ThereseML)

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FROM A MOTHER'S POINT OF VIEW

AN ACCOUNT OF MY DAUGHTER'S STRUGGLES WITH DRUG ADDICTION...THEN MY REACTION TO HER LOSING HER BATTLE WITH DRUGS

LATE NIGHT PHONE CALL

May 28 2010

GOT THE PHONE CALL LAST NIGHT THAT I'VE BEEN DREADING...HEATHER'S FRIEND NICK CALLED ME AT 1130PM TO LET ME KNOW THAT HE JUST DRAGGED HEATHER OUT OF SOMEONE'S HOUSE AND SHE HADBEEN DOING HEROIN...I TOLD HIM IF HE THOUGHT SHE WAS IN DANGER, TO JUST BRING HER TO THE NEAREST HOSPITAL...HE SAID SHE WAS OUT OF IT, BUT HE THOUGHT SHE JUST NEEDED TO SLEEP IT OFF AND HE WOULD BE THERE WITH HER....HE TOLD HER THAT SHE COULDN'T STAY THERE ANY MORE IF SHE STARTED USING AGAIN...SHE SENT ME A TEXT AT 3AM SAYING THAT SHE WAS SORRY SHE SCREWED UP SO BADLY...I TEXT MESSAGED HER THIS MORNING FROM WORK AND SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE CONTACTED THE REHAB AND SHE HAD AN APPT ON TUESDAY NIGHT TO SPEAK TO THEM ABOUT DOING OUTPATIENT AGAIN FOR AWHILE...EVEN THOUGH I AM DEVASTATED BY THIS NEWS, IT IS NOT AS BAD AS LAST TIME FOR ME...LAST TIME I COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN AND COULD NOT FUNCTION..THIS TIME I CAN HONESTLY SAY AND MEAN THAT SHE CANNOT COME HOME IF SHE IS USING DRUGS AND IF SHE DECIDES TO SLOWLY KILL HERSELF, I DON'T HAVE TO BE THERE TO WATCH...IT IS ACTUALLY A LITTLE SCARY HOW DETACHED I FEEL RIGHT NOW, 6 MONTHS AFTER FALLING APART LAST TIME...I LOVE HER AND I WILL PRAY FOR HER, BUT I CAN'T DO IT FOR HER AND I GUESS I'VE FINALLY REALIZED IT...I WILL BE PRAYING FOR ALL OUR CHILDREN....

Previous diary posts by Janine408:

WEEKEND VISIT
MOVING DAY
RELAPSE
STRESS
FIRST COURT APPEARANCE

LONG WEEKEND
FACING THE CONSEQUENCES
CONTINUING TO DO WELL
BACK TO WORK SHE GOES!!
DOES IT EVER END??

Comments (3) Add Comment

written by NaturallyMe, May 28, 2010

Wow... I'm so sorry to read this. Between Heather and Brad and my son Rob... it seems never ending. They were all doing so well. I haven't had much free time to spend on the computer and to come back and read all of the recent posts I honestly can't believe it. For some reason I thought our children were 'different' and were lucky enough to kick it the first time. I was wrong. I found out less than a week ago that my son has only been clean for one week. I thought he had been clean since February... It was a big let down. The only reason he is clean now is because he is on probation with random drug testing. If he messes up he'll end up in jail. And as I write this to you... I know my son is drunk at a friend's house watching a basketball game. He's starting to drink way too much. He went on a four day drunk last weekend.. and avoided all of my calls. I texted him and told him he wasn't allowed back in my home and his girlfriend called me and told me that he had an appt with his probation officer the next day and she needed to see where he lived. I gave in only because I didn't even have enough time to talk about it with him. I had work... the appt was Monday.. I hadn't talked with Rob for 4 days. What a mess...
The good thing is.... because there has to be a good thing... Heather contacted the rehab for out patient. I don't think my son would have done that. I hope she gets back on track.
I totally understand the detachment you feel. I feel the same way toward my son. I'm done living his lifestyle. It's his choice if he wants to continue living it. He's almost 23.. I can't save him... and I can't continue putting my life on hold waiting for him to finally 'get it'.
I will be praying for all of our children. They certainly need it.

written by babies1, May 29, 2010

You don't have to feel guilty about feeling detached. You are just tired of it all. I'm glad you realized that the situation is out of your hands and you can't make someone do something they aren't ready for. I'm proud of you for not letting her come home, that was really good! Now her bf won't let her stay. Maybe now shie will be ready to work at rehabing. 30day rehab is okay, but in my opinion, someone with a herion addiction needs in-patient treatment. Is there any way you could talk her into that? If 30 day outpatient is all she will do then there isn't anything else you can do. I will keep her in my prayers that she has a full recovery. hugs, jenn

written by cndy, June 01, 2010

My heart goes out to you and your children. I hope that you are all taking care of yourselves. Detaching with love is difficult but necessary. Hugs, Kit