FROM A MOTHER'S POINT OF VIEW

  THIS DIARY WAS ALWAYS AN OUTLET FOR ME TO GET OUT MY FEELINGS...I HAVE TRIED USING THE BEREAVEMENT AND THE DEATH IN THE FAMILY SITES ON MD JUNCTION BUT HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO GET MUCH RESPONSEFROM IT OTHER THAN A GREETING WHEN I FIRST JOINED...THANK GOD FOR MY BEST FRIEND WHO LISTENS TO ME CRY AND LET'S ME KNOW THAT LIFE WILL GO ON FOR ME AND MY HUSBAND.  SHE LOST A SON ( A FRIEN

  IT'S BEEN A WEEK SINCE HEATHER LEFT US....I CAN'T IMAGINE OUR LIVES EVER BEING THE SAME....I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF...I'M NOT READY TO GO BACK TO WORK AND I CAN'TKEEP SITTING HERE STARING AT THE WALLS....SHE IS ENMESHED IN EVERY MEMORY, EVERY THOUGHT...THERE IS NOTHING I WILL EVER DO THAT SHE ISN'T CONNECTED TO...SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND...I'M GLAD THAT

  My daughter Heather passed away October 5th....she had been doing so well...she had been recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and had begun taking medication for it....we don't know what went wrong that day but her pain is over, and ours has begun.....there was a group of women on this site that meant the world to me....I know you know who you are.....I continue to pray for all o

    IT'S SO DIFFICULT WATCHING MY DAUGHTER TRY TO GROW UP AND BECOME THE MATURE YOUNG LADY SHE WAS MEANT TO BE...SHE HAS BEEN LOOKING FOR A NEW JOB THAT PAYS BETTER SO THAT SHE CAN CATCH UP ON HER BILLS.  SHE MADE THE DECISION NOT TO START UP WITH SCHOOL AGAIN IN THE FALL, AND THOUGH I DON'T AGREE,  IT WILL BE HER DECISION.  SHE FEELS THAT SHE NEEDS TO REALLY

   WELL, IT'S 4TH OF JULY AND I'M STUCK AT WORK...I MANAGE A BURGER KING AND SINCE EVERYONE WAS PARTYING AROUND HERE LAST NIGHT, WE ARE VERY SLOW SO I THOUGHT I WOULD TAKE THE TIME TOUPDATE THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS...HEATHER WENT INTO REHAB ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT AND COMPLETED DETOX ON MONDAY...THEY SAID IT WAS A VERY EASY DETOX AND SHE ONLY NEEDED TO TAKE THE SUBOXONE FOR 3 DAYS A

HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN SEVERAL WEEKS..THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING VERY WELL AT HOME...HEATHER WAS WORKING, TAKING A SUMMER COLLEGE CLASS, AND WE ALL ENJOYED A FAMILY VACATION TOGETHER...IT WAS JUST LIKE OLDTIMES!!  I NOTICED SOME SMALL CHANGES LAST WEEK....SHE SEEMED TERRIBLY DEPRESSED AND WITHDRAWN...BUT SHE WAS STILL SEEMING TO FUNCTION...LAST NIGHT WE WERE WATCHING TV TOGETHER IN THE FAMILY ROO

   HEATHER PHONED THE OTHER DAY AND SAID HOW MUCH SHE HATED LIVING UP NORTH...IT IS VERY URBAN AND NOT AT ALL LIKE WHERE SHE WAS RAISED....SHE DIDN'T LIKE HER NEW JOB OR HOW MOST OF THE EMPLOYEES DIDN'T SPEAK ENGLISH...SHE MISSED THE BEACH, AND THE BBQ'S AND THE WHOLE SOUTH JERSEY SCENE...SHE ASKED IF SHE COULD COME BACK HOME TO LIVE...MY HUSBAND AND I SET VERY STRICT GROUND

   GOT THE PHONE CALL LAST NIGHT THAT I'VE BEEN DREADING...HEATHER'S FRIEND NICK CALLED ME AT 1130PM TO LET ME KNOW THAT HE JUST DRAGGED HEATHER OUT OF SOMEONE'S HOUSE AND SHE HADBEEN DOING HEROIN...I TOLD HIM IF HE THOUGHT SHE WAS IN DANGER, TO JUST BRING HER TO THE NEAREST HOSPITAL...HE SAID SHE WAS OUT OF IT, BUT HE THOUGHT SHE JUST NEEDED TO SLEEP IT OFF AND HE WOULD BE T

   WELL HEATHER, HER FRIEND, NICK AND HIS DAUGHTER KIMIRA CAME TO VISIT THIS WEEKEND...WE HAD MY STEP-DAUGHTER'S BABY'S CHRISTENING. ...HEATHER WAS THE GOD MOTHER AND SHE WAS VERYHAPPY TO HAVE BEEN ASKED BY HER SISTER.   I THINK NICK IS A VERY NICE YOUNG MAN WHO OBVIOUSLY LOVES AND CARES FOR HIS DAUGHTER..I'M AFRAID HEATHER IS STILL A LITTLE YOUNG AND SELFISH AT THIS

   WELL YESTERDAY AFTER WORK, SHE LEFT TO GO UP NORTH....SHE TOOK HER SUMMER CLOTHES AND SOME OF HER STUFF BUT THE MAJORITY OF IT IS STILL HERE SINCE SHE IS LIVING IN A SMALL APT AND THEY HAVENO ROOM...THIS FIRST WEEK WON'T BE BAD FOR ME SINCE SHE HAS AN APPT ON TUESDAY WITH HER PUBLIC DEFENDER AND SUNDAY SHE HAS HER GOD DAUGHTER'S CHRISTENING SO SHE WILL BE HOME FOR THAT ALSO...

    WELL LIKE MANY OTHERS ON THIS SITE, THE TIME OF RELAPSE HAS COME....SHE CAME TO ME AND TOLD ME THAT SHE HAD USED 4 TIMES LAST WEEK...I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG AND I WAS AFRAID OF THIS...SHE HAD BEEN DOING SO WELL....SHE WAS UPSET WITH HERSELF AND WANTS TO TAKE SOME STEPS TO MAKE SURE IT DOESN'T HAPPEN AGAIN...SHE HAS DECIDED TO MOVE UP NORTH WITH ONE OF HER FRIENDS THAT SHE

   WELL, HERE COMES A TRUE TEST OF WILL POWER.....HEATHER SPENT A COUPLE OF DAYS WITH HER BOYFRIEND UP NORTH AND CAME HOME FRIDAY AFTERNOON AND WENT OUT WITH HER GIRLFRIEND AND HER NEW BOYFRIEND....WELL, APPARENTLY WHEN SHE TOLD HER BOYFRIEND THAT SHE HAD GONE TO THE BOARDWALK WITH THEM, HE FLIPPED OUT AND ACCUSED HER OF BEING WITH ANOTHER GUY AND BROKE UP WITH HER...OF COURSE HE DID THI

    WELL NOW I AM OFFICIALLY SCARED...HEATHER WENT TO COURT TODAY FOR A PRE-ARRAIGNMENT, WHATEVER THAT MAY BE....HER DAD TOOK 1/2 DAY OFF TO GO WITH HER...SHE WAS TOLD BY THE PROSECUTORTHAT SHE WILL NOT QUALIFY FOR PTI (PRE TRIAL INTERVENTION) BECAUSE SHE HAS MORE THAN ONE SET OF CHARGES IN MORE THAN ONE TOWN...SHE SIGNED UP FOR A PUBLIC DEFENDER..HER DAD AND I HONESTLY CANNOT COME

    HEATHER JUST LEFT TO GO TO OUTPATIENT AND THEN TO SPEND THE WEEKEND AT HER BOYFRIEND'S HOUSE AND GO TO A CONCERT WITH HIM ON SATURDAY...SHE HAS BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKENDFOR WEEKS...I HOPE SHE HAS A GOOD TIME..SHE GOT HER 90 DAY KEYCHAIN YESTERDAY AND FELT REALLY GOOD ABOUT IT...HER SPONSOR IS DROPPING OFF PAPERWORK TO START ON HER "STEP WORK" ...I ACTUAL

    HEATHER RECEIVED A COURT NOTICE FOR THE FIRST OF TWO COURT DATES SHE WILL HAVE TO FACE...SHE GOES IN 2 WEEKS FOR A PRE-TRIAL MEETING WITH THE PROSECUTOR'S OFFICE...I'M NERVOUSAS I'M SURE SHE IS ALSO...THESE WILL BE FOR THE MAJOR CHARGES OF POSSESSION OF XANAX AND HEROIN, THEY HAVE ALSO CHARGED HER WITH INTENT TO DISTRIBUTE....ALL IN ALL THERE ARE 3 MAJOR CHARGES...NO

   I REALIZE I HAVEN'T WRITTEN IN AWHILE...I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING THE LIVES OF THE OTHER WOMEN ON THIS SITE AND I ALMOST FEEL GUILTY THAT THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING SO SMOOTHLY FOR NOW...HEATHERIS WORKING 30 HOURS A WEEK, ATTENDING NA MEETINGS, AND GOING TO OUTPATIENT 3 TIMES A WEEK...SHE RECENTLY GOT A SPONSOR AND HER 60 DAY KEYCHAIN....SHE HAS ENROLLED IN THE LOCAL COMMUNITY COLLEGE TO

HEATHER STARTED BACK AT WORK THIS PAST WEEKEND...HER IOP HAS BEEN REDUCED TO THREE DAYS A WEEK FROM FOUR AND WE ARE ALL DOING WELL...THE ONLY DOWNSIDE IS THAT SHE WAS SICK AND FEELING REALLY BADLY...SHEWENT TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM SINCE SHE HAD SUCH A BAD SORE THROAT...WELL IT TURNS OUT THAT SHE HAS ACUTE TONSILLITIS.....SHE IS IMPROVING...THEY KEPT HER SEVERAL HOURS GIVING HER IV STEROIDS TO DECREA

WELL SINCE I HAVE FELT BETTER THAT HEATHER SEEMS TO BE DOING WELL, THE OTHER SHOE HAS TO DROP....MY SON STOPPED BY MY JOB THE OTHER DAY...HE IS 25 YEARS OLD AND LIVES A COUPLE OF TOWNS AWAY WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND'S FAMILY...WELL APPARENTLY HIS GIRLFRIEND IS ADDICTED TO PILLS AND THE PROBLEM IS ESCALATING OUT OF CONTROL...HE IS WORKING ALL THE HOURS OF THE DAY..HE IS A CABLE INSTALLER AND MAKES OV

IT'S BEEN AWHILE SINCE I WROTE...I DIDN'T MEAN TO HAVE SUCH A LARGE GAP BUT THE DAYS KEEP ROLLING ALONG....HEATHER SEEMS TO BE DOING WELL...SHE IS GOING TO MEETINGS EVERY DAY...MY ONLY CONCERNWITH HER IS THAT SHE IS SPENDING 3 TO 4 NIGHTS A WEEK UP NORTH WITH FRIENDS FROM THE REHAB...I WILL ADMIT THAT IT DOES MAKE SOME SENSE BECAUSE SHE HAS OUTPATIENT 4 DAYS A WEEK AND IT IS 1 1/2 HOURS FR

WELL HEATHER SEEMS TO BE A BIT DIFFERENT THAN SHE WAS BEFORE REHAB...THIS IS A GOOD THING...THE ONLY DOWNSIDE IS THAT SHE IS VERY ATTACHED TO THE PEOPLE SHE MET IN REHAB AND SEEMS MORE COMFORTABLE UP NORTH THAN AT HOME...IT BOTHERS ME SOME BUT I'M GLAD SHE HAS FRIENDS TO SUPPORT HER AND BE THERE FOR HER...SHE IS SPENDING A FEW DAYS WITH ONE OF THE GIRLS SHE MET THERE...TOMORROW IS HER 20TH BIR

ANOTHER FRIDAY, ANOTHER GROUP MEETING AND VISIT..BUT MOTHER NATURE AGAIN COULDN'T KEEP THE SNOW AWAY...VANCOUVER CAN'T GET SNOW AND NJ CAN'T MAKE IT STOP, IT'S BEEN A CRAZY WINTER!!  I GOT A PHONE CALL AROUND 1PM SAYING THAT THE FAMILY GROUP NIGHT WAS BEING CANCELLED AND THAT DUE TO THE BAD WEATHER THEY WERE WILLING TO RELEASE HEATHER THAT EVENING RATHER THAN MAKE US DRIVE

  JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH HEATHER...SHE SOUNDED GOOD AND IS EXCITED TO BE OUT OF SATURDAY...OF COURSE COMPLAINING THAT OTHERS WERE LEAVING ON FRIDAY THAT STARTED ON THE SAME DAY SHE DID...SHEASKED IF HER DAD AND I WERE COMING UP FOR FAMILY NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT SINCE IT IS SNOWING AGAIN!!!   I TOLD HER WE WERE PLANNING ON IT AND SHE ASKED US TO BRING UP HER CAR AND HER CELL PHONE SO T

   AT THE REHAB WHERE HEATHER IS LIVING RIGHT NOW DURING THE THIRD WEEK OF GROUP COUNSELING, THE PATIENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO WRITE A LETTER OF APOLOGY TO THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS AND PRESENTIT IN FRONT OF THE GROUP..NOT EVERYONE DOES IT PUBLICLY BUT THEY ARE ALL SUPPOSED TO DO IT ALTHOUGH THEY ALL DON'T...THIS PAST FRIDAY WAS HEATHER'S TURN TO PRESENT..I WASN'T SURE IF SHE WO

     I GOT A CALL FROM HEATHER'S COUNSELOR THIS AFTERNOON ASKING IF IT WERE POSSIBLE TO VISIT WITH HEATHER TODAY RATHER THAN TOMORROW SINCE SHE HAD TO LEAVE EARLY TOMORROW FOR AN APPT..I WAS OFF WORK TODAY SO I TOOK THE DRIVE UP..MY HUSBAND WAS STILL OUT PLOWING SO HE TOLD ME TO GO UP AND HE WOULD SEE HER TOMORROW FOR FAMILY GROUP COUNSELING...I GOT A CHANCE TO SPEAK ALONE

WELL YESTERDAY I WENT BACK TO WORK AFTER A TWO WEEK LEAVE OF ABSENCE...IT'S ACTUALLY GOOD IN THAT IT GIVES ME SOMETHING TO FOCUS ON OTHER THAN HEATHER.  I WAS TRANSFERRED TO ANOTHER STORE THATTHEY NEED FIXED UP..SO I HAVE A PROJECT AND IT WILL FILL UP MY DAY...I SPOKE TO HEATHER'S COUNSELOR YESTERDAY AND SHE IS STILL ON THE 3RD FLOOR AND APPARENTLY DOING WELL...APPARENTLY WHATEVER DRA

FIRST VISIT STARTED OFF GREAT...IT WAS SO NICE TO SEE HER..SHE LOOKED GOOD!!  SHE SEEMED HAPPY TO SEE HER DAD AND I...WE GOT TO SPEND ABOUT 45 MINUTES WITH HER IN A ROOM TALKING...BUT OF COURSEWE CAN'T ESCAPE THE DRAMA..APPARENTLY THERE ARE TWO SETS OF GUYS AND GIRLS WHO BECAME FRIENDLY AND THAT IS NOT ENCOURAGED AT THIS CENTER OR MOST CENTERS I WOULD IMAGINE...HEATHER HAS ALWAYS BEEN

    SO TOMORROW IS THE BIG DAY!!  WE ARE EXPECTING A MAJOR SNOWSTORM TOMORROW (UP TO 20 INCHES)  I JUST HOPE THAT IT EITHER STAYS SOUTH OF US OR STARTS AFTER MIDNITE.  I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO POSTPONE SEEING HEATHER.  I GOT A LETTER FROM HER YESTERDAY.  I WAS SO EXCITED!!  SHE SAID THE REHAB WAS "NOT THAT BAD".  HIGH PRAISE...SHE SAI

    I FINALLY SPOKE TO HEATHER'S COUNSELOR AT THE REHAB YESTERDAY....IT WAS A RELIEF TO KNOW THAT SHE WAS DOING WELL AND PARTICIPATING IN THE GROUP.  I WILL BE ABLE TO VISIT WITHHER FRIDAY NIGHT AND PARTICIPATE IN A FAMILY COUNSELING GROUP SESSION WHICH WILL NOW BE "DATE NIGHT" FOR MY HUSBAND AND I..EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT WE CAN VISIT AT 4:30 AND THEN GO TO THE MEETIN

TODAY IS THE 4TH DAY WITH NO CONTACT FROM MY DAUGHTER...I DON'T KNOW WHO THIS IS HARDER ON, ME OR HER?  I WENT ONLINE TO CHECK MY CREDIT CARD AND I FOUND THAT THERE WAS A PRESCRIPTION CHARGEFROM A PHARMACY....THAT MEANS THAT THEY HAD TO GIVE HER SOMETHING....THAT SCARES ME....HOW MUCH WAS SHE TAKING?  IS SHE GOING TO BE ON SOME TYPE OF DRUG FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE?  I WISH I

TODAY I AM CLEANING OUT HEATHER'S ROOM SO THAT I KNOW THERE ARE NO DRUGS HIDDEN AWAY...I HAVE FOUND COUNTLESS LITTLE PINK PLASTIC BAGS, HOSE ADAPTORS, WHICH I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT ARE USED TO CRUSHUP THE PILLS, A PIECE OF AN ORANGE PILL AND A PIECE OF A BLUE PILL....IT IS VERY TEDIOUS SEARCHING THRU EVERY POCKET AND IN EVERY NOOK AND CRANNY...I WANT TO HAVE A CLEAN SAFE ROOM FOR HER TO COME HOM

   TODAY IS HEATHER'S FIRST FULL DAY AT REHAB...IT IS A BLACKOUT PERIOD AND WE HAVE NO CONTACT FOR THE FIRST 5 DAYS OF TREATMENT...I'M WORRIED SICK, WHICH SURPRISES ME SINCE I KNOW SHEIS IN A SAFE PLACE...I ALWAYS WORRIED EVERY NIGHT UNTIL I HEARD HER CAR PULL IN THE DRIVEWAY AND I THOUGHT I WOULD FEEL SOME RELIEF BUT IT IS THE SAME WORRY..IS SHE SICK?  IS SOMEONE TAKING CAR