it's been a very long time since I've written in my diary, but here I am again. I am 2.5 months out of having a hip replacement and here to tell you it hurt like hell!!. Now the other hip is really acting up but I have to wait a year to replace it since there was some complications with this. I developed blood clots and so it's just a longer healing process, plus the so called good hip is now my bad one.
I was not fully prepared for the mind set i should have had going into this surgery. Everyone told me it was a piece of cake and it wasn't. There was intense pain for about 5 days and then you could deal with it. The meds made me so loopy I couldn't remember how to put one foot in front of another. It was not good at all for me. Plus I kept getting anxiety attacks that wouldn't go away. I felt so helpless.
I am so glad it is over with and know the next time what to look for and I think it will be better. Or so one trys to tell oneself when they have to confront the same thing over again.
It is not easy to recover from something so major. I do not like to sit so much or be so tired all i wanted to do was sleep.
no bending, no laying on that side for 8 weeks, no more than 90 degree angle and on and on. The summer flew by and I'm glad of it
I wound up gaining weight when I thought I'd loose it and the doc said it's normal to gain the weight because you are really do nothing during that time. So, that adds to a growing despondency and depression. All I wished I could do is take a pill and wake up 6 months later.
Today was a day of tears for not being all the woman I wanted to be. I see there are times that being bp is downright crappy not only for me but whoever is in my path. I don't want to be difficult! There are times I think I actually think differently..like misunderstand things people say and then get all bent out of shape. I think things to death. And when I get angry, I can't hardly form the words I want to say and then it frustrates me all the more.
I had an argument with a friend last night and it was like we were on two different planes of thought! I couldn't understand why he couldn't see where I was going and it just made it more difficult for me to communicate. At that point, all I want to do is be silent. And of course that does no good for reaching some kind of understanding.
Sometimes it seems I am nothing but raw emotion and when I am like that then it feels so bad. I want to put away the past feelings and start afresh and not have to feel them anylonger. But they are there and disturb my present state. Like today...all I've done is cry about things and I don't want to be so depressed! I'm tired of it. Oh well...
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