|Feb 14 2011|
Valentine's Day, how cute it all is. I received a couple ecards and wishes of love and affection from a special man friend and it felt wonderful. And then I recieved another card fromhim...but different email address of his. Different last name. I googled it and found that was his name, not the name he had given me almost a year ago. It broke my heart.
I have been lied to so often in my life by people who shouldn't have lied. And now a man I have trusted and given a part of myself to him has lied to me and I feel broken in two. I feel used and ashamed I would trust someone again. I know, it's only a name but why not just tell me you don't want me to know your last name and say you have a stupid quirk about it? Why lie? I understand why he might have felt insecure about telling a woman his real last name, but it's been so long...why not tell at some point?
I won't talk with again. I don't even want to know his excuse. I want to just close my eyes and erase him. There is more that surfaces when I found this out. Old things from prior hurts come back and it just blows me away. Again, that old feeling of hurting yourself to not feel the pain inside is felt. The feeling of worthlessness that someone would not find you good enough to be honest with you. All the shit that goes with it.
We were best friends!! We were finally going to meet. And now? I've lost a friend, and someone who I spent many hours with and come to rely on. Oh....I want to disappear!!!
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happy valentines !!!