|Feb 20 2011|
I hesitate to even write at all
Please bear with me.
It breaks my heart that my group is in such shambles. It's only ever been my passion and my purpose to teach and share my knowledgeand experience of this illness to others who also live with it and to those who wish to learn about it.
My priorities are quite simple and that is to teach, support, promote, share alternative ways of coping with pain, advocate and more, not squabble and ban.
There are 2 words to describe how we should treat one another. Respect and Consideration!
We have never allowed personal attacks in our group. We've passed several off over time as members having bad days. This includes bad pain days.
We let it go.
Of course no one would want to be a part of a group or any other type of community where everything they said was censored. I wouldn't.
I would feel like I couldn't say anything or that I had to choose my words carefully each and every time.
I do know however that it's difficult to always understand "tone of type".
This means we are only seeing the words on a screen not the person behind it. We can't tell the tone of the words like we could if listening in person to the tone of someones voice.
This can at times cause misunderstandings. This I have noticed often. I have seen people saying sorry when they shouldn't be. People can be easily hurt by a sentence or statements.
For me.. and this is my personal choice.. I do try to word my posts to be always friendly and caring. I do worry that I might offend someone, somehow.
I have offended before by misunderstandings where I then had to re post to explain that what I said wasn't at all meant to be hurtful.
A time or two came from answering an RSD related question. While I offered actual and true and updated information and answers regarding the question I still seemingly hurt another's feelings.
Perhaps it was only because they weren't ready to hear the truth or even though they asked it was too much to take in or maybe because a symptom they described had little to do with RSD or they just read my words wrong.
I don't care for arguing, fighting, back stabbing, segregation or any of the like. I'm not necessarily saying this occurs here, but a bit of it occurs everywhere.
In my offline life... situations of this nature I remove myself from. I do not care to be involved in it. And those people whether it be a family member, a friend or acquaintance if they bring this type of behavior before me more than once and especially when they've been asked to please not do it again.. I will no longer be around them or have them around me. Why? I do not need this in my life. Most people are the same. Unless they thrive on Drama of course.
I do not believe in hatefulness and spite. I believe in love and compassion.
Perhaps sometimes my posts seem blunt and too to the point. Perhaps I fail to use actions like lol, lmao, smilies etc to lighten what could otherwise be taken out of context. For that I apologize.
You can no more truly know my "tone of type" than I can know yours. Yet it's not hard to be polite and respectful either. If there aren't any attacking words then there's no attack. However if there is... then there is.
It's not hard to apologize either. I respect those who do so even when it's not necessary because it shows consideration for the other person.
We are all in pain. We all hurt. Some of us have secondary illnesses and syndromes as a result of the first. Some of us had pre existing illnesses or injuries for which we still suffer from. Pain is pain at any level.
And sometimes we take it out on others. I think in those instances, my personal thoughts is that an apology would be nice.
Me, I may discuss my pain, but I will not take my pain out on the group/others or use it as an excuse for my poor actions. Instead I face and deal with the consequences of my actions.
In a support group such as this I do not believe in bickering with one another, I don't believe that hostile or bitter situations need to go on and on. I know sometimes the person most offended in his/her own eyes will feel the need to defend themselves.
After awhile I will also. Someone has to be the first to stop. I defended and I stopped! In fact I stopped more than once. I didn't answer a post or 2 directed at me. For if I had I'm certain yet another reply would have been written.
Like the story that never ends...
It was over and done with. It's not my fault Paul didn't see 1 of 2 posts made within an hour.
I mean heck.. he gave me hearts and asked to be friends. I was so relieved and so very happy.. I accepted immediately. I said it's behind me.
It was that post he finally read a half a day later that caused it all to be in front again, instead of left behind.
I had thought he read it since the 2 posts (1 on the day to day and 1 on the shout box) were written within an hour of each other. Obviously he hadn't.
Since it was all put behind us. Why couldn't it have stayed behind us?
Now if I had written that shout box post "after" the truce then he would have been justified to say something.
When he did make that final post back to me in the shout box.. the only thing I replied with was something to the affect that I wasn't replying to it. I wanted for and hoped it was done and over with. He could have PM'd me.
All it might have taken was an apology. I would have stood up for him because of that. I would have made it known it was a misunderstanding after the fact. The fact of putting everything behind us hours earlier.
Both my heart and mind believes in second chances. And sometimes a 3rd depending on the circumstance. More than that you risk being taken advantage of. Somes a second chance is as best as it gets.
I torn between friends and friends and friends of friends. We are losing members and others feel uncomfortable in the current going ons.
There's so much more I want to say but I wont break confidences and reveal names. If it was possible you would realize Paul did offend more than a few.
And I wish it wasn't so. I'm also aware he has support of some, too.
I did my best a week or so ago to let it be know people were feeling "uncomfortable" it was dismissed and set aside and instead another post with accusations seemingly provoking another response from me.
People join us to learn about CRPS/RSD. They join for support in this horrible illness we all share. And it seems the only thing they're learning now is to take sides.
I had to go to brothers memorial service with all this on my mind. Some might say "you didn't have to". Oh yes I did! How could I not? A community in which I love and lead is in turmoil. How could I not think about that? What to do next, how to resolve it. How to create peace and calm. Ease of hearts and minds..
If I was an ugly person inside I would hold resentment against all involved.
But I'm not.. I'm forgiving.
None of this should have been about me and that's what hurts the most.
Now I'm more than involved and I don't like it. I don't like people being under review, banned, even talked about negatively.
To all of our members I'm very sorry you had to see this occur and unravel
Leading with Passion and Compassion
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In the Name of Support
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