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rsdcrpsfire Fight or Flight and Fire 'N Flight. A diary that takes you through the calm and into the storm, through the fire and into the ice.


Crossroads

Feb 25 2009

While I've had CRPS for many years now, I'm kind of at a crossroads in my life. I need to live. Not just live, but feel alive, as if I am living. I feel like if I'm not hurting anyone inmy activities then it's okay. My husband allows me the computer for support, maintaining my website, or whatever I need to do to divert myself from pain. But sometimes I feel separated from myself. Like I have to hide parts of me or be judged or maybe not judged, but misunderstood. 

Recently I poured my heart to skittle because in a way I needed validation, someone separate from my "other" life to know me. Know that I'm good and passionate and compassionate even through the diversities of life. She was understanding and I'm grateful for that.

Being in pain gives us too much time to think about what was, what could have been and what is. 

Some of my life includes erotica and promoting adult links, just things. It's all of me though.

Do we segregate ourselves from ourselves?

Am I the only one that does this?

I need the roads to meet at the end and become one. Just one.

 



Previous diary posts by rsdcrpsfire:
Comments (2)Add Comment
written by Emilie55, September 16, 2009
When you said that you that feel like your separated from yourself it sounds like your dissociation, lots of people in great pain or distress do this it is a coping skill. I was told POW do this to cope, not that your a POW. But the stress level is that high. You are blessed to have a husband that support your web site. Em
written by rsdcrpsfire, October 12, 2009
Thank you, Em.

~smiles softly


Warmest wishes always,
~Twinkle

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