|Aug 12 2010|
Yesterday I told my husband point blank that I am not afraid of him anymore and he needs to get help. I lied. I am afraid of him, but I won't let him see it anymore. I won't be bullied into taking the fall anymore.
Lets rewind the clock to see what lead up to this....
It was the kids first day of school. I bought a few uniform pieces and 2 pair of jeans (one was $0.99 and the other $3.99 at Old Navy!!!) I also went to the Home Med supplier to get my sleep apnea breating machine (uhhggg) before that. Hubby calls to ask if i was home bcuz the plumber was on his way, i rush out of the store and get the girls and then wait for the plumber. The plumber came and he and his partner fixed the toilet and drain in the girls bathroom. Later we get the girls off to bed...we may have watched TV or something i don't know but I couldn't fall asleep. After some tossing and turning I get up and go to the other room to watch TV since Hubby was already asleep.
Hubby calls and tells me that he may be close to getting a job he applied for. Then he says that if he takes this job that I will have to take over the business that we currently have. I was happy for him and said contrats but then he said. "do you understand what that means, YOU will have to do the business by yourself. I will have to dedicate all of my time and efforts to "that job" and I won't be able to direct my attention to the buesiness." I didn't want to start an argument (because he sort of took over all the decision making on the business that I started when he lost his job for the umpteenth time...it was my biz..and he still called it my biz...but now wants his name on it and is aprehensive about me even running it) So I just said ok, but I will need for you to be ok with letting me do it in my way. I can't work with you standing over me and criticizing me day in and day out. He then says OK, i'm going to have to digest all of this.....along with a lot of other stuff. He sounded like he was arguing with himself about the choice and trumped anything I said even when I was going along with things that he said.
When he gets home he explains how the corp culture at that job that he may get was different any may be good for the family because everybody there is old and has been there a long time...ie more family oriented where as in his current contract the people are all divorced and/or single and younger...more compedative ...more worldly.....
Time passes....we put the girls to bed....we go to bed...just as close my eyes....he expressed that he can't believe God would bring us this far only to let the business go to the wayside. I'm sitting here angry and trying to stay calm, as if I can't do the work? I can't tell if he is talking to me or talking to himself but he keeps asking me to weigh in on what he is saying. At one point he asks me "what do you think (about what he should do take the job and let me run the business or say no and look for a contract with the current company or another co)?" I said, like i told you b4 if you take the job i will take care of the business. If not then I don't know. So he asks "what would you do if you were running the business?" (is he really interviewing me for the job?) I told him that I would do just what he had already outlined to be done. He then asked again for me to "tell him what I think...." I tried to talk to him about the biz and he continued trumping every suggestion that I made or statement that I said.
Then he asks "Where were you last night. I woke up around 2am and you weren't here." I said "I couldn't sleep, I made a sandwich and got a bowl of cherries (i didn't eat dinner that night) and watch tv in the other room bcuz u were asleep already...." He said something sorta sarcastically... He then starts to fall asleep while i was sitting there wide awake. I got up and he looked up at me and then i went down stairs and got a grape fruit and some cherries and came to the room where he looked at me again. I said, i'm going to watch TV in here then because I can't sleep. I told him many times over the nearly 7 years we've been married and 9 that we've been together that I can't talk about these things and then leave stuff up in the air and be expected to just fall asleep.
Wednedsay evening comes:
Come home from work, pick up the girls, get them in the tub and ready for bible study. He comes home so i send them down to him to dish out the leftovers while I get ready to go to church. Then I got the girls in the car to wait for Dad. He comes out and we are on our way to church. He was speeding a bit (we weren't late but that's how he drives) and then slows down when traffic slows. He asks me if i see the police car....i told him i saw a car but i don't know if it is a cop. After a few min i start dozing off. He asked me if I was asleep or if i was tired (one of the two because if i do not use the exact words he says that i am a lier) I told him i was. Then he says, well you go to bed later than me. That could be why you are tired. I then said well last night I was about to go to sleep and you wanted to talk about stuff that stresses me out...after that I couldn't sleep so I stayed up and watched TV. he then said "well what about the night before?" I said, Husband (his name), I am stressed. I don't remember if it was anything in particular the night before, but i'm tired today because of the things i explained b4. He then said something smart under his breath and I just snapped at him. What about you Hubsand (his name)? for about a month or so you have been coming in late with no explanation and I don't sit and question you and make snotty comments under my breath. When i can't sleep or have a problem i am AT HOME IN THE HOUSE WATCHING TV AT 2:30AM AND NOT OUT IN THE STREETS. He then said that he doesn't remember comign in after 2 am except for the time that we argued (back when i first joined this site) and he said that he was goign to hit me and that my sister was at the house the day he came in at 230 am so i'm not crazy and makign things up like he said i was. We then argued about that. I said 'you told me you wanted to hit me in my face" he said "That sounds stupid. I don't even talk like that. Maybe that's what you and your people say but I wouldn't say 'hit you in your face'". I said husband, you told me you were going to hit me in my face, punch me in my face, hit my face, hit me====THEY ALL MEAN THE SAME THING YOU THREATEND ME!!!!!!!! He then said i was a lier and that by probing me he is finnally getting the truth out of me because i don't REALLY know what he said and it some how proves that he didn't threaten me.
Then I tried again to get him to see how he's not being logical. We then talk/argued about him talking to his ex fionce via her sister. How his story changed and how he violated my trust because we agreed that he shouldn't have contact with her and her people because the same sister helped the two of them get in contact with eachother b4. He told me that he didn't lie to me when I asked him about the text messages and when he spoke to her last basically because he hadn't talked to her he just CHATTED WITH HER ON THE INTERNET (not just her sister but the girl herself) because he knew i would have a problem with them talking. He also added the girl's sister to his ALTERNATE facebook account so i wouldn't see/know. He explained to me prior to this that he added the girl's sister there because he knew it would cause problems for us. (so why add her...why keep doing this???) In all the confusion and twisting and turning of words and concepts i slipped and said why did you call the girl in the first place...well...dumb me...i should have said the girl's sister so that again to him was another case of me telling lies...even though we said in a meeting with a couple from church that back when this happend about 2 years ago that he shouldn't have been talkign to either of them. I even reminded him that he even pointed and yelled "i'm not afraid of you and i'm not afraid of you" towards the couple when they were tryign to get him to see that this is wrong...especially given that he is married, has cheated, agreed not to talk to old girlfriends and compairs me to this lady, and puts me down. His response was that "he never did that...yet again you are telling lies...i will get them to say that in court!"
He mumbled that I was crazy or what i said was crazy and I said no "husband" you are , you need help. Ok, i shouldn't have said it like that but it happend like that. then i told him that he needs help. He kept talkign about divorcing me then would switch to how he thinks i should divorce him on the grounds of insanity then go on about how we should divide the assets and he no longer wants to keep the kids from me because they need both of us but he can't be with me...... I was looking at him at different points through this and he made comments about that...i don't know it's all just to crazy.... we were so close to just going to church....and i think it was a block or 2 from church that we turned around and went through all of this mess. ............................
In the course of all of this, when i was tryign to get him to remember things that have been said in our meetings with couples from church he said that he "doesn't care about all that Christian Stuff" or "husband" stuff because he doesn't feel like he is my husband, just call him a person and that's it.
Everything is about him. Everything is a double standard. Everything is always my fault. Everything I say is a lie.
My girls were in the back seat through this mess. They were asleep but don't think for a min that they don't know something is up. I have to be strong for my little girls....
our family needs help.
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