Blah blah blah |
Nov 05 2010 |
He is acting more normal now. Not totally but more than he has been. He wants me to quite my job and be a stay at home wife again and he promises to try to do a better job of supporting the family. He’s claims that he is trying to be faithful and not approach women for the next 3 months. He “confessed” to a few horrible things that still won’t let me out of this marriage. He has no remorse….he says that “it could have been worse. I could have slept with them…” From craigslist singles adds on to many other people of interest … I honestly think that he may have done just that. When he said that to me my thought at time was “well why didn’t you” because I’m tired of feeding into this. He then wanted to be intimate with me and acts like nothing that has happened should bother me at all…. Maybe he has a point, I’ve been through this too much and for so long that nothing should surprise me. I’ve been acting happier lately because people say that if I act happy eventually I will FEEL happy. It works some days. Sometimes I just feel cursed. Like no one loves me. I can’t identify with people my age and I just feel out of place. I’m just a shell of a person. I’m sorry my diaries are so depressing. This is how I feel on the inside but I don’t always act that way on the outside. I can’t…who would want to be around someone who’s life is always falling apart? I play with my girls and life actually feels GREAT when he is not around but as soon as I see him—I’m BLANK again.
Comments (4)
Okay, I tried reading your other entry again, and I just...That's not normal. It's TOTALLY UNhealthy. You should NOT get used to that treatment. Why is HE nice to other people?
Do you know, if you divorce and he remarries, the new wife will be just as "fat, ugly, useless" as he claims you are now. And you will be the ONLY woman who ever truly loved him, and he'll be SO GLAD that you are his children's mother and NOT the new wife.
Do you know WHY he acts this way? Because he's AFRAID of losing you. But that's exactly what he's doing, so it's escalating. Honey, if he SAYS he's going to hit you? Believe him. He's engaged in verbal abuse, right now, and that almost always escalated to physical violence. Please educate yourself. Don't let yourself be hemmed in by spiritual abuse.
Men like your husband will use anything they think will give them leverage. The ex-fiance? Leverage. The children? Leverage. Your insecurities? Leverage. He wants to KEEP you, like a pet, not like a wife.
He thinks that if you get a shred of value, if you catch wind that he's been lying about how he feels about you, he'll lose you. But you already have value, endowed by your Creator. I believe He wants you to protect the gifts and talents He's given from any who would dare to snatch them away. Your husband is trying to snatch them away for his own selfish purposes.
Do you know, if you divorce and he remarries, the new wife will be just as "fat, ugly, useless" as he claims you are now. And you will be the ONLY woman who ever truly loved him, and he'll be SO GLAD that you are his children's mother and NOT the new wife.
Do you know WHY he acts this way? Because he's AFRAID of losing you. But that's exactly what he's doing, so it's escalating. Honey, if he SAYS he's going to hit you? Believe him. He's engaged in verbal abuse, right now, and that almost always escalated to physical violence. Please educate yourself. Don't let yourself be hemmed in by spiritual abuse.
Men like your husband will use anything they think will give them leverage. The ex-fiance? Leverage. The children? Leverage. Your insecurities? Leverage. He wants to KEEP you, like a pet, not like a wife.
He thinks that if you get a shred of value, if you catch wind that he's been lying about how he feels about you, he'll lose you. But you already have value, endowed by your Creator. I believe He wants you to protect the gifts and talents He's given from any who would dare to snatch them away. Your husband is trying to snatch them away for his own selfish purposes.
You are not alone..please know this..YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
You are writing about your husband but when i read your entries i relive and see everythning my husband did, said and how he treated me UNTIL I stopped putting up with it..26 years together. DO NOT wait as long as I did Please!
You are writing about your husband but when i read your entries i relive and see everythning my husband did, said and how he treated me UNTIL I stopped putting up with it..26 years together. DO NOT wait as long as I did Please!
thank you all i'm trying i am. all of you thank you so much. i have to take some time to really process everything u r saying.
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No remorse = a bad sign. Feigned remorse = a bad sign.
He can only commit to "forsaking all others" for three months? Is it realistic to "not approach other women?" What does that even mean? Does it mean he won't be in the same room with them, or won't proposition them?
That you feel the depression most strongly in his presence = a bad sign.
This is not your fault. YOu don't deserve this. No one does. He is not faithful, and you have your marital out. Emotional and physical abuse are being maritally unfaithful, as well. God also places conditions on his relationships. Why should we be different? Even if you don't feel justified in divorce, I think there's plenty of justification for a separation. At least it could give you some time and space to think without having to deal with his presence.
{{{hugs}}}
So sorry you're going through this.