|Nov 05 2010|
He is acting more normal now. Not totally but more than he has been. He wants me to quite my job and be a stay at home wife again and he promises to try to do a better job of supporting the family. He’s claims that he is trying to be faithful and not approach women for the next 3 months. He “confessed” to a few horrible things that still won’t let me out of this marriage. He has no remorse….he says that “it could have been worse. I could have slept with them…” From craigslist singles adds on to many other people of interest … I honestly think that he may have done just that. When he said that to me my thought at time was “well why didn’t you” because I’m tired of feeding into this. He then wanted to be intimate with me and acts like nothing that has happened should bother me at all…. Maybe he has a point, I’ve been through this too much and for so long that nothing should surprise me. I’ve been acting happier lately because people say that if I act happy eventually I will FEEL happy. It works some days. Sometimes I just feel cursed. Like no one loves me. I can’t identify with people my age and I just feel out of place. I’m just a shell of a person. I’m sorry my diaries are so depressing. This is how I feel on the inside but I don’t always act that way on the outside. I can’t…who would want to be around someone who’s life is always falling apart? I play with my girls and life actually feels GREAT when he is not around but as soon as I see him—I’m BLANK again.
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