Finding Contentment

What a weekend woke up saturday early, just wanted to get in and get some things done, my son showed up at 7.30 in the morning thank god, as I was about to start the chain saw, me and chain saw maybe not good idea, so he cut the tree down for me and I chopped it up (with my loppers) and took it to the dump, what a day I haven't got that much done in ages of life you are coming back to me. needless to say I couldn't sleep that night, closed down and meditated for a couple of hours not easy, got up lucky had pick-nick planned so I started cooking, cookies, rissoles, salad's, then I had to get everyone else up and ready, what a great day, swimming, cannoning, walking,messing around with my sons, lots of fun, thought this would wear me out, still managed to scrub my kitchen and mop the floors before bed, more forced sleep.

This all came on after 2 days of hitting rock bottom, even managed to drag boy friend into downer, I hate it when I know I am saying nasty things that are all in my head and putting it on to someone else as if they were the ones with all the problems not me. Was such a nit picky bitch.

I just wish I knew what to expect next, that high was the best so alive has been so long since I felt I could stay awake.