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raynedae A space for me to log my symptoms etc.
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Worried about my stepmother

Jul 15 2010

We've always has a "troubled" relationship, but I find the older I get, the less I dislike her.  I don't spend much time with her though...Christmas at her house and the 4th of July at my niece's.

At my niece's we both ended up eating in the dining room, rather than trying to balance paper plates on our laps outside.  We talked alot about the cake she'd made and her potato salad.  Later on when we were outside she told me all about her brother's dementia and she took a little swing at me, by implying that I had a psychosomatic condition that was worsened by my long-term unemployment.  I just told her that I was diagnosed with fibro before I was ever laid off and that my doctor's believed in my FMS and that was all that counted.  She apologized but I kind of waved it off.

Today I got an email from her asking for my brother's phone number because she wants him to do some work around her house.  It was very pleasant and ended, "I missed you on the 4th".

I was there on the 4th, my older sister was off touring the casinos of the NW and missed the 4th at my niece's.  We don't look alike any longer and as I said in my reply to my stepmother, my sister is the one with the husband glued to her side while I'm happily single.

I emailed my stepsisters to let them know about this little memory lapse.  One has already expressed some concerns about her Mother and the other just blows off her concerns.  Granted the woman is 72, but I think that's kind of a big memory lapse, especially in light of her older brother's dementia. 

I guess I've done all I could do.  I let her daughters know and now the one who has been worried about her for sometime has another eye witness account that might get through to the sister who scoffs at their mother's gradual loss of what few marbles she's still got.  My father passed in 2001 and since then one of her children or grandchildren has been living with her most of the time.  My 54 year-old step sister moved in while she was once again getting divorced, and now that she is back to work, most of us thought she was just being cheap by staying there...she pays minimal rent and that gives her a lot of money to shop for clothes (she needs an intervention) and she spends weekends with one of her ex-husbands who has recently moved back to the area. 

 Should a woman with a family history of dementia and a leaky memory be allowed to drive?  She does and that frightens me because 20 years ago she was ticketed twice in one week for driving below the speed limit in the fast lane during rush hour traffic.  My father put his foot down and insisted she take the bus instead of driving on the freeway, which she did until they forcibly retired her at 68, but she still insists on driving to SoCal to visit the sister who thinks she's fine.  Last time a stepsister and my sister went along and they were both terrified at her driving habits...she keeps up with traffic now, but constantly loses her concentration and weaves all over her lane.  She also insisted on keeping her money in her shoes and acted like my sister was out to steal it from her (she's got issues with my brother and the sister who died because they did steal from her and our father...about 35 years ago). 

 I guess I've done what I's not like she'd believe me if I confronted her about her memory loss.  Even my stepsisters would be up in arms if I did and they LIKE ME...I guess I'll just let them worry about her. 

 I think my Dad would agree.  He knew about the bad blood between my stepmother and me and while he never defended me when she attacked me, the next time he saw me he'd point out how she'd treated ME unfairly--in such a way as it would be obvious they'd argued about her treatment of me when I left.  She'd smoke her cigarettes (he had emphysema and was on oxygen) and make faces behind his back as he'd talk. 

 She never once apologized for lumping me in with my brother and sister who stole from them 35 years ago.  Actually her apology on the 4th was the first ever I got from her...

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Comments (1)Add Comment
written by PCG, July 16, 2010
Well, you are very kind to still worry and care for this woman when the link with her could have gotten weaker by now. I truly believe you've done your part, by telling her children what you saw, and how you felt. The fact that she still drives is concerning.... but only time will tell how things might turn out..

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