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Fabulousity The dreaded Gremlin has tried to take over my life too. For a while (2 years in fact) I allowed it to rule my life and put me in a dark dingy prison. Then one morning; Thursday, 8 March 2012, National Women's Day in South Africa; I got up walked into my kitchen, stood there looking around me and a sudden urge overpowered me to start cleaning. O Boy did I ever - Physically & Mentally...
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PITY PARTY PUDDLE

Jul 05 2013

I experienced a most upsetting incident today, Saturday, 28.04.2013 and got me thinking.  This turn of event, actually opened my eyes and made me realize that this Group’s  daily comments were actually all so incredibly negative, no wonder at times I felt depressed. All they did, day inand day out was to complain, bitch and moan about how crappy they feel and how shit their lives were.  Not once did they post any positive remarks. However low and behold let someone try to lift their spirits or post something which might be of beneficial advice, your post gets blocked.  My question is, are there really still people in the Fibro world who are so dimwitted in choosing to (a) ignore fellow sufferers personal experience advice in an attempt to be of assistance ;  (b) or to make any effort in even trying to find a solution which will better their chronic pain and lifestyle and (c) can people be so small minded that they point blank refuse to face reality and facts or are they just plain ignorant?  Furthermore, it also blows my mind how they idiotically choose to deny the actuality that through adapting to a healthier dietary and exercise regime you can control your flares, although not cure it.  Instead, they foolishly choose to rather sit in their little “Pity Party Puddle” wallowing in their self-indulgence and thriving on the sympathy of others and this plainly because of the “attention” they gain.  Does this really make them feel better or improve their way of living?

As a dear fellow Fibro Facebook friend mentioned to me “There seems to be so many who chooses not to be willing to do the work and rather wishes to focus on complaining. They just don't seem to be motivated to embrace a better way to cope”.  Another fellow fibro friend had this to say:  “It is easier for some people to complain and stay negative instead of doing the “real” work of finding a solution. Misery loves company”. Well said my friends.   Yes, this is more or less the typical behavior of most Fibromyalgia sufferers.  They choose to rather give up; sit in their fibro prison and use every excuse in the book not to be part of society and its daily responsibilities.  Boy oh Boy, am I now going to be crucified for this statement.  However, to those disapproving of what I articulate I wish to say; before you attack, sit down and think long and hard. Be honest with yourself; put on your Big Girl Panties and face the unbearable truth. My ride on the Pity Party Puddle Train lasted for 2 years. Therefore, I have bought the T-shirt, wore it and burnt it.  I speak from personal experience and if you are honest with yourself, you will realize how true my words actually are.  My journey on the Pity Party train resulted in a shocking revelation; IT IS GOING NOWHERE SLOWLY!!!  Once, I had the strength of character to realize that, I decided it is time to prevent my Fibro Train from ever derailing again.  But that story is for my following blogging session.

Since March 2011, when I was retrenched due to my illness, I slowly allowed myself to go downhill, sliding deeper and deeper into my pity party prison. From being a positive, vibrant, jolly and happy person, who always inspired others, loved to party and be game for anything; I faded away into this angry, self-pitying and angry bitch who cocooned herself in her home. In the end I had nothing good to say anymore besides moan about my fibromyalgia and the pain.  It was my focus point because I received attention and pity.  When I eventually woke up one morning, I realized with a shock that I have lost myself in this world where Fibromyalgia took over and made my life hell.  I have totally lost myself and in front of me stood this pathetic stranger who has withered into someone who constantly lived in her pajamas or sweatpants, spent her entire day on Facebook mingling with pity party groups, until such time I found a few positive groups who was there for each other in a positive vibe. My advice to fellow fibro sufferers, never get involved with negativity it will drag you down.  These are a few great groups international groups you can find on  Hans P

Hanson wrote:  PEOPLE INSPIRE YOU OR THEY DRAIN YOU. PICK THEM WISELY.

I ended up sitting on the computer the entire day instead of having to do house chores because it was just such a dreadful horse to mount.  Thus, I constantly sat with swollen and rigid fingers and developed carpal tunnel syndrome.  My migraines became worse because of my subconscious clenching while on the computer.  I eventually avoided any efforts to actually do something that I know was going to be painful to me.  I became someone who got anxiety attacks as soon as I had to leave my front door. Even hanging up washing was a huge challenge because I had to go outside. On the odd occasion when I had to force myself to go out, I literally had to prepare myself mentally for that step and take Xanor (anti-anxiety medication) to avoid getting a panic attack.  So I chose to rather spend my time indoors where I felt “safe” and out of the scrutinizing and criticizing ignorant public’s eye.

Every single task or chore from peeling potatoes, to blow drying my hair or reading a book, cleaning house or tending to the garden was a bitch because of the pain. Waking up in the mornings made me unhappy because I felt like an 180 yr old rusted truck, trying to get out of bed and then having to get into gear before I was able to walk up straight or gain momentum. Walking sitting, standing became such a mission, because doing this for long periods at a time caused more muscle spasms and pain.  My passion for cooking went down the drain because the cleaning dishes afterwards killed my back.   I lost my job due to my illness and after my anger subsided, I realized it was fair because being an accountant I started making bad mistakes because of Fibro fog.  I started turning my numbers around – not good in accounting.  This made me withdraw even more to a dark world of self pity where I felt “safe”.

After losing my job, which was the final straw, everything became too much and whatever chore I had to do was just plainly a mission because of the discomfort caused by the constant pain, muscle spasms, migraines and nausea.  I even stopped walking my dogs because the pain was too much.  I slowly but surely started to go out less and less.  My poor husband started going out as a single man. People starting asking where I was and poor hubby had to think up excuses.  I was withdrawing myself from life and ended up not being able to make scheduled appointments because this syndrome was unpredictable and could attack at anytime. I stopped seeing my friends and family, always had an excuse for not accepting invitations, attending parties or even cancelling at 99 because of my symptoms flaring up. The end result was I withdrew from society and climbed even deeper into my hole.

I finally became one of the many who used my pain as an excuse or avoiding doing anything at all.  I lost my pluck for life. This had dire consequences.   From being a curvaceous woman, I ended up being an extremely depressed, unhappy and obese whale, even making fun of myself.  This was another reason for me to stay home, because by now even dressing up have become a mission, besides the fact that my clothes was already chaffing and burning my skin; forming angry inflamed cysts on all the areas where my bra and pant’s waist chafed me, even the insides of my thighs. Hence I started looking like a tramp because I spent the most part of my day in either sweat pants, pajama pants, baggy shorts and a loose t-shirt. Otherwise I will wear my now worn out loose fitting sundresses because I did not have to wear underwear. Going out was now really a mission as I had to get dressed.  The simplest of daily routines like brushing my hair and teeth even hurt.  At times my jaws will be in such a spasm it prevented me from chewing or swallowing properly. Putting on make-up strained my arm muscles which at times refused to be obedient and prevented me from lifting up my arm just so I could color in my face. In all my life, since I was 16, I have never left my house without make-up or being properly dressed. The once very proud and dignified me, who you could pull through a ring, have disappeared.  What was left in her place was someone who just did not care anymore because the exertion was too much of a mission.

Being intimate with my husband was hurtful at times. His caress felt like being stroked by a hot coal. Love making at times was uncomfortable and painful due to my muscle spasms, not realizing that this was actually great exercise for every single muscle in my body. Afterwards I would be wide awake for the rest of the night. Tickling me hurt like hell, his playful slaps on the “tush” made ma lash out at him for hurting me. Playing with my dogs were exhausting and painful.  It was even difficult holding my granddaughter for long periods at a time or even bathing her because it hurt my back.  Having to divide my attention between hubby, my grandchild and dogs felt like I had to tear myself in so many directions and I would collapse in the evenings from exhaustion, just to be kept awake by insomnia. I was in a no win situation and I withdrew even more into myself using every feeble excuse there was not to be part of life. Let me tell you I can write a book on excuses.  The sad part is that we can be so convincing in our theories. 

There is a saying:  IF IT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU, YOU WILL FIND A WAY; IF NOT YOU’LL FIND AN EXCUSE. Makes you think doesn’t it? 

Then, in March 2012 I woke up to the chocking revelation and I had to face the tough reality that I was actually hiding behind Fibromyalgia. I had to admit to myself that I was in fact using my pain and discomfort as an excuse to spare myself any further distress.  It was time for me to dig myself out of this deep dark unhappy hole and face my demons and Fibromyalgia head on. Therefore, my fellow fibromyalgia friends, as a result of my journey on the Fibromyalgia Pity Party Puddle train; I have the audacity to voice my opinion.  My question to you is, are you courageous enough to face the reality and admit the same?  If not, I amiably suggest you rather keep your negative opinions and feeble excuses to yourself, until such time you actually dig deep and do some soul searching. 

We are only human and we are allowed to have pity parties but the rule is: Have your moment and snap out of it, the sooner the better. It is the courage to continue that matters.   

Last but not least:  YOU ARE AS HAPPY AS YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO BE. NOTHING CAN BRING YOU PEACE BUT YOURSELF!!



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