Disappointment |
Nov 10 2008 |
I was informed yesterday by a group leader on another forum that people didn't like the fact that I posted to nearly every topic, sometimes my posts were only one word, and that my "humor" wasn't appreciated.
I was infuriated by this and decided to cancel my membership to that forum, since I do not believe a support group should be limiting or restrictive to any of its members, and I felt as though I was being censored, which is something I firmly object to.
Then, come to find out from this same group leader, that it was not just that particular group that felt that way, but it was also from members of the Fibro group - the one where I have always felt welcomed, at home, and free to be me.
After hearing this, and in trying to recover from the shock of it all, I posted a topic on the FM forum, explaining what I had been told, and inviting those who had any problems with me to PM me so we could work things out. I certainly don't want to come across as offensive to anyone, and that has never been my intent.
Well, the good thing is, I've been getting nothing but beautifully worded shows of support, care and concern, both in PM and on my topic. But I have yet to hear from anyone who doesn't like my posts or feels offended by me. This is extremely disappointing to me. And frankly, I don't know what to believe now.
Plus, the one person I respect the most is disappointed in me for feeling that I needed to post my topic in the first place.
Frankly, I don't know what to think now. I am in tears over this. People, please....if I bothered you enough that you felt you had to go to a leader to complain about me, then have the strength and conviction to talk to me! Nothing will ever be mentioned in public, nor will names be brought up, or bad feelings harbored. I want to fix this thing. I want to be able to be me on this group, the way I always have since first joining. I don't know how to be anyone else. I can only be the best me that I can be. But I can't be my best if people have bad feelings towards me and won't even give me a chance to fix them.
Comments (19)
Hi Fibro. I appreciate your comments, but I don't think things are that simple.
What I mean is, I can take constructive criticism. In fact, I appreciate it where it is needed. But your constructive critcism for me was to lay back and watch my humor. That's not me. I don't know that I would even be capable of doing that.
I can't tell you how many wonderful messages of support I have received from people who love my posts, my sincerity, my support, and yes - even my sense of humor. That is who I am.
My feelings have already been hurt. They can't get hurt any more. I have no interest in starting any conficts. That's not me. But I can't just move on with unresolved issues.
If I continue to be my supportive and caring self, it will mean that I will still post the way I always have, which will further aggravate those who are unhappy with me in the first place.
I don't want to believe that no one will come to me. I have more faith in people than that. I have always looked for the good in people, and since that is what I look for, that is usually what I get from them.
If things continue as is, then it remains an unresolved issue. Which means what? It means that those same people will continue to have those same feelings about me because the original problem was never addressed. What good is that?
I am not going to fight with anyone. That's not my style either. I am a very easy-going, laid back person who only wants to mend whatever problems have occurred. I only want to fix things between me and whomever it is who has problems with me. I am wanting to do this strictly through PM so that it remains private.
So I will continue my plea to those concerned to address me privately so we can work this out.
What I mean is, I can take constructive criticism. In fact, I appreciate it where it is needed. But your constructive critcism for me was to lay back and watch my humor. That's not me. I don't know that I would even be capable of doing that.
I can't tell you how many wonderful messages of support I have received from people who love my posts, my sincerity, my support, and yes - even my sense of humor. That is who I am.
My feelings have already been hurt. They can't get hurt any more. I have no interest in starting any conficts. That's not me. But I can't just move on with unresolved issues.
If I continue to be my supportive and caring self, it will mean that I will still post the way I always have, which will further aggravate those who are unhappy with me in the first place.
I don't want to believe that no one will come to me. I have more faith in people than that. I have always looked for the good in people, and since that is what I look for, that is usually what I get from them.
If things continue as is, then it remains an unresolved issue. Which means what? It means that those same people will continue to have those same feelings about me because the original problem was never addressed. What good is that?
I am not going to fight with anyone. That's not my style either. I am a very easy-going, laid back person who only wants to mend whatever problems have occurred. I only want to fix things between me and whomever it is who has problems with me. I am wanting to do this strictly through PM so that it remains private.
So I will continue my plea to those concerned to address me privately so we can work this out.
written by Cori,
November 11, 2008
I think it's awesome that you post to everything and in fact I do to so bring it on!! 
Your advice is wonderful and you are always very supportive. Maybe that person was just making it up or "elaborating" just a thought.
Your advice is wonderful and you are always very supportive. Maybe that person was just making it up or "elaborating" just a thought.
written by mamanordy,
November 11, 2008
Starr, I doubt you receive any PMs from the ones that find you negative. Just the way it is.. you know... a lot of ppl cannot stand up to others directly. JMO.
Also, why worry about disapointing someone else, when what you are doing is what YOU want to do? It's your life and frankly I dont feel the need to live up to anyone except God. If ppl dont like me or what I say, I cant help it. Not everyone is going to like you, and for sure not everyone likes me but this is what makes the world go round. Just move on from it! Ok? You are awesome!!!! And dont forget it!
Also, why worry about disapointing someone else, when what you are doing is what YOU want to do? It's your life and frankly I dont feel the need to live up to anyone except God. If ppl dont like me or what I say, I cant help it. Not everyone is going to like you, and for sure not everyone likes me but this is what makes the world go round. Just move on from it! Ok? You are awesome!!!! And dont forget it!
I am horrified that people would object but then again, Starr, there are always critics out there. If they are not able to come forward and talk it out, then they have a problem, not you. You are a wonderful caring person and I certainly appreciate you!
Starr, I obviously missed this whole debacle and, though extremely late, want to put my 2 cents in...that is ridiculous! I love every post you send, even the short ones. What I appreciate about you as a poster and valued and respected member of this group is that you make time for nearly everyone's topics and posts. You send out the most words of encouragement and solidarity and you, to me, are a model of what a "keyed-in" member should be.
It saddens me to hear that someone was displeased with your presence on any group, but ESPECIALLY our group. And it especially saddens me that it made you so sad as well. What gladdens me are the waves of support you have received from our group; and I would like to officially put my name down on the column of full Starr involvement supporters.
You've personally made my day so many times, in just the short while I've been a member. Keep being you Starr, and don't let anyone else diminish your "Starr"...
*gentle and heartfelt hugs!* 
I am so sorry that someone hurt you. I haven't been a member for very long but in the time that I have been here, you have been there for me. It means a great deal to me. I hope that whoever this was can move past this because your' comments always leave me feeling a little better. Thank you for that and for having the courage to be just who you are.
I ask why do you post on every topic?
I came to this group to see if there were others like me. It was my last resort to stay connect with people. I see the FMS in you, because I have FMS and understand the complicated nature of the beast. We are experts in our daily lives living with our illness. If we do not live daily with the illness, we do not have the understanding to contribute effectly. You are a bright star putting yourself out there, right or wrong, we need you.
I came to this group to see if there were others like me. It was my last resort to stay connect with people. I see the FMS in you, because I have FMS and understand the complicated nature of the beast. We are experts in our daily lives living with our illness. If we do not live daily with the illness, we do not have the understanding to contribute effectly. You are a bright star putting yourself out there, right or wrong, we need you.
Thank you all for your words of encouragement and support. It has meant more to me than you know. I embrace each and every one of you who has stood by me in this little "storm".
I have moved on. Encouraged by your comments, I have decided not to let the weakness in some individuals to make me less of who I am. Whoever first said it is right...you can't please everyone all the time. But if I can please some, then I have done what I have set out to do.
Again, thank you all. Because of you, this Starr will continue to twinkle.
I have moved on. Encouraged by your comments, I have decided not to let the weakness in some individuals to make me less of who I am. Whoever first said it is right...you can't please everyone all the time. But if I can please some, then I have done what I have set out to do.
Again, thank you all. Because of you, this Starr will continue to twinkle.
I sympathize with you and empathize with you. I have been cut off regarding some of my comments. Please know that you are wonderful for being true to yourself and are in harmony with many, many, many of us. I am sure the VAST majority of us here respect you. Please don't let anyone interfere with the relationships you have with the rest of us. We can't please everyone all of the time, right? I understand though how you feel. If I ever have a problem, I will be sure to tell you. I will be a friend.
Sincerely, Wendylynn
Sincerely, Wendylynn
written by singingangel,
December 04, 2008
I don't know you well but I know you were kind to me when I gave you my condolences. You didnt even know me but reached out and was extremely kind to me. Please just be yourself. That is who people love and want. The ones who dont -that is their problem.
Hoping to get to know you better. You seem like a wonderful caring lady. hugs Lori
Hoping to get to know you better. You seem like a wonderful caring lady. hugs Lori
written by patty777,
December 06, 2008
Starr I wish you were in our group, I can remember a night I was in total despair and you helped me so much to no its ok to vent pain with words and not to hurt anyone. You truly are a blessed person with your caring and love for others. I thank God you were there for me when I was in need. Gods Blessings always, Patty
A great big Thank You to all of you. Your words of support and encouragement have meant the world to me.
Thank you all, so very much!
Thank you all, so very much!
Jealousy comes to mind when I see things like this. Perhaps people are threatened by your wit, or so depressed that one simple "funny" or refreshing comment is uncomprehendable. No matter, you keep it up gal. You bring me such great laughs, as well as great wisdom. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart! 
Starr, I am so sorry I just read about this. I am so late! I appreciate all you do and say, and I agree with the others completely that I hope you disregard whoever it was that was upset about your postings. You are a great person, and don't change a thing!!!
Starr, like Tabby I just read this...I have only been on mdj for a short time, but in that time, I have seen how much your words are valued by the members. I am so glad that you have moved on from the insensitivy of one, and embraced the love of the rest! I am looking forward to getting to know you better!
I am looking forward to getting to know you better! 
Starr,
I do not see how you could have offended anyone. And as far as I'm concerned anyone who has a problem with how you do things here should just leave and find somewhere else to cause problems. I miss you and hope you are back soon.
I do not see how you could have offended anyone. And as far as I'm concerned anyone who has a problem with how you do things here should just leave and find somewhere else to cause problems. I miss you and hope you are back soon.
written by Lauraleev,
March 11, 2009
I think you should ignore them.and not be sad i am new here and you been the only person who really was helpful and i think you are a great person to already made friends with me. i am glad that you gave me a link to help me more . if anyone thinks negative about you. whould be ashame of themselves theyre probably jealous that people are happy to have you as a friend just ignore people who are negative. you deal with health issues just like the rest of us and you do not deserve any negativity in your life. just keep doing whats in your heart. and thank you for that. your new friend...
Thank you, Laura. I have learned to do exactly that - ignore the negativity. Yes, it hurts when I first learn about things of this nature, but I do believe in open communication, and if someone feels negative towards me, but doesn't have the strength to confront me personally, I do just that - ignore the negativity. I don't need it in my life.
Besides, my time is better spent meeting people like you who are positive people and are willing to share of themselves.
Thanks again, hon. Your words are appreciated.
Besides, my time is better spent meeting people like you who are positive people and are willing to share of themselves.
Thanks again, hon. Your words are appreciated.
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Be your supportive and caring self. Get out of the forum what YOU need and overlook the other stuff.
Hang in there. Chin up!