Why wear a ribbon?

"I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome" (Stelagtite)

MDJunction to me

"There's a special place in my heart for MDJ's Bipolars dealing with Alcoholism support group. As an alcoholic in recovery, it is my safe harbor. I draw strength and hope from our Bipolar alcoholics and addicts who bravely share their experiences and courageously face our common demons. This is a special, close and safe group to explore any alcohol or drug issues. I have made many dear friends and been sustained by the love and acceptance so freely offered." (sarahtroy)

more testimonials

Enjoying Life with my Beautiful BP wife

As most of you know I am in hopelessly in love with a girl who is kinda fucked up (She has a Mood Disorder). Well she thinks she is fucked up but I think she is absolutely incredible and adore everything about her. I am going to keep this journal and make it public for everyone to read to give hope to people who are in relationships with someone who has a mood disorder. Like BP! My posts are not going to talk about how bad it is or go into every detail on what the episodes entail because to me that drama means very little. Its the things we do during the good times and methods we use to cope with the bad times. Ill warn you, living with my loved one is not as bad as what people may seem because I am very lucky. I found someone to love who is a fighter, 100lbs of beautiful woman that has demonstrated an ability to cope even through the hardest of times!
Stay tuned!

Together Again!

Apr 06 2010

Week end was fairly good as I love the cottage and cottage life however I would have preferred if my wife was there to hang out with me. However I did have my oldest, her best friend and my nephew to keep me company. And they are clingy and love hanging out with me. First day there I let the girls hang out and I took my nephew to the gym up there and gave him a rude awaking on how men lift weights! I had a blast with him and really enjoyed his desire to train hard.

My wife was visiting her parents far away so the only contact we had was by phone and texting. However in an effort not to interrupt each others time we really had limited contact. This is not so bad for me although I do get edgy when I am away from her to long. My daughter notices this too and laughs about it. She says I'm like a little kid and would make fun of me. My wife on the other hand has really been struggling overall as the effects of her meds seem to tapper off with time. Its the head aches and the anxiety that really wear her down. Its hard for her too when I am not around mainly because most people do not understand what she is going through or how hard it is for her to stay focused and fight the buzzing noises. When her and I are together we handle it much different as she knows she can tell me exactly what is going on in her head. No matter what the thoughts are even if they are negitive thoughts about me or crazy ideas of death or despair. I listen, I don't get mad and I DON'T try to fix her. I can't . All I can to is be there and listen. I can only remind her that she has a mood disorder and its playing games with her thoughts. Like a sick game. I wish she didn't have to fight it all the time but I am glad she does. I love her so much, I love the fact that she is a fighter, Like me, willing to fight a losing battle. However I can only imagine what its like to fight her battle, I can barely handle the life's realities let alone if my mind were to play sick games with me.

Anyways back to the shrink again tonight and I know he going to up her meds and give her some anti psychotics. Now we see if it is effective enough to take the demons away without killing her senses. That is key for her and I, too make her comfortable but not turn her into a zombie. She is too vibrant and beautiful of a woman to be over medicated.

Thats our life long goal, to find a balance. I think we are well on our way there!

Loyalty

Previous diary posts by Loyalty:

Back in the woods!
out of the woods now!
can't sleep!
Sunday not so good!
all is good!

I got problems too!
Day 2 Seroquil
Tough times!
Why no Meds?
Day 10 no meds!

Comments (6) Add Comment

written by damselndistress, April 06, 2010

Loyalty,

Try to stay calm.
I think it would help your partner if you would try to deal with the separation better.
It really isn't a big deal. You spent holidays separately each with your own family.
If you can focus on the fact that this isn't a separation and announce to the whole group that you are separated I think maybe it would bring everyone's anxiety down a notch.
I really thought you were dude with all the stuff that was going on. It didn't really shock me one bit.
I think if you can try to down play the effects of just a weekend apart it may help your fiance to cope better.
In many ways I do think you add a tremendous amount of stability to her but if you could try to stay calming and convincing to both of you that all this is is a weekend apart not a separation in the relationship maybe it would help her security level.
Also try to cope a little bit yourself. You've said what a big girl she is that she functions well at her job and it is far more important than yours. If she can handle the stress of that I think she can handle a weekend apart.
Who knows maybe after years of being with my partner I have just become catatonic.
But I do think keeping a calm environment might help the buzzing.

Damsel

written by Loyalty, April 06, 2010

Dam we were just playing and honestly if yall couldnt figure that out right away you guys need to loosen up! but seriously its not the week end apart that was tough. I talk about my wife nonstop as I absolutely adore her. And it wasn't so much the weekend apart it was the fact that for 6 days straight of anxiety. And this anxiety isn't being brought on by outside stressors. We talked about it last night and its just there and its non stop. No matter how well things would go at work or at home they anxious feelings wont go away. Its hard on her. So ya I worry about her. And I didn't mean to make it sound like it was a huge issue about the separation, but I thought it would be fun.
Gezz if you only knew how calm and how calm this environment was.
Loyalty

written by buzzingmind, April 06, 2010

OMG woman! Do you ever have anything positive to say about spouses with bp? I believe if you read his diary intro that he said that his posts were not meant to be bitch sessions. Not everything is horrid and you tend to make us out to be ogres. I enjoy reading his posts because he blends humour,compassion and reality into his entries. Not everyone has a miserable marriage. Maybe some bumps in the road but not a living hell.

written by damselndistress, April 06, 2010

I do take this very seriously Loyalty and I'm surprised that you would think this is something to "play" about.
I am traumatized by all of the times my partner has threatened to leave me and what I have lived with for all of these years.
People come here in crisis and many of us are waiting and willing to try to help them. We don't mind doing that but don't enjoy being taken for a ride-getting concerned for nothing.

written by Loyalty, April 06, 2010

oh Damsel are you saying I am not helpful? That I think its funny to take people for a ride. I would like to show you my fucking inbox because its full all of the time with people I try to help one on one. Spouses and people who are suffering from other illness. I don't sit and wait for a chance to respond to posts about how bad my life is or how bad it is being with people that have Bi polar. I think your very out of line here and your attitude towards people with a mood disorder is very concerning. Yes your situation is bad and we understand that but Its not like that for everyone and it can be made more tolerable. I can no longer tolerate your attitude and will not stand around and watch you refer to my loved ones and close friends as "THOSE PEOPLE"
My days with MDjunction are done.
Good Bye

written by jackandjill, April 06, 2010

you are helpful.. at least to me. your wifes knowledge of her illness and her efforts to overcome her disease is awesome.. you 2 will be fine.. because, 1,you understand her, and 2, she admits she has a problem, and is working hard.. life wont be easy, but , hopefully your love will endure...heck nobodys life is a bowl full of cherries, so live and love...