|Apr 06 2010|
Week end was fairly good as I love the cottage and cottage life however I would have preferred if my wife was there to hang out with me. However I did have my oldest, her best friend and my nephew to keep me company. And they are clingy and love hanging out with me. First day there I let the girls hang out and I took my nephew to the gym up there and gave him a rude awaking on how men lift weights! I had a blast with him and really enjoyed his desire to train hard.
My wife was visiting her parents far away so the only contact we had was by phone and texting. However in an effort not to interrupt each others time we really had limited contact. This is not so bad for me although I do get edgy when I am away from her to long. My daughter notices this too and laughs about it. She says I'm like a little kid and would make fun of me. My wife on the other hand has really been struggling overall as the effects of her meds seem to tapper off with time. Its the head aches and the anxiety that really wear her down. Its hard for her too when I am not around mainly because most people do not understand what she is going through or how hard it is for her to stay focused and fight the buzzing noises. When her and I are together we handle it much different as she knows she can tell me exactly what is going on in her head. No matter what the thoughts are even if they are negitive thoughts about me or crazy ideas of death or despair. I listen, I don't get mad and I DON'T try to fix her. I can't . All I can to is be there and listen. I can only remind her that she has a mood disorder and its playing games with her thoughts. Like a sick game. I wish she didn't have to fight it all the time but I am glad she does. I love her so much, I love the fact that she is a fighter, Like me, willing to fight a losing battle. However I can only imagine what its like to fight her battle, I can barely handle the life's realities let alone if my mind were to play sick games with me.
Anyways back to the shrink again tonight and I know he going to up her meds and give her some anti psychotics. Now we see if it is effective enough to take the demons away without killing her senses. That is key for her and I, too make her comfortable but not turn her into a zombie. She is too vibrant and beautiful of a woman to be over medicated.
Thats our life long goal, to find a balance. I think we are well on our way there!
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