Why wear a ribbon?

"For my best friend who is forever scarred by war" (PFWarrior17)

MDJunction to me

"I came to MDJ for understanding and support from people like me. I have Bipolar Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and wanted to connect with others who had both illnesses. I have found them here and I am grateful." (OCDMD)

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Enjoying Life with my Beautiful BP wife

As most of you know I am in hopelessly in love with a girl who is kinda fucked up (She has a Mood Disorder). Well she thinks she is fucked up but I think she is absolutely incredible and adore everything about her. I am going to keep this journal and make it public for everyone to read to give hope to people who are in relationships with someone who has a mood disorder. Like BP! My posts are not going to talk about how bad it is or go into every detail on what the episodes entail because to me that drama means very little. Its the things we do during the good times and methods we use to cope with the bad times. Ill warn you, living with my loved one is not as bad as what people may seem because I am very lucky. I found someone to love who is a fighter, 100lbs of beautiful woman that has demonstrated an ability to cope even through the hardest of times!
Stay tuned!

TO be loved and to be hated!

Mar 26 2011

Mood disorder is very frustrating! I don't think I will ever get used to being blamed by my wife for her irrational behavior, anger, frustration sorrow etc.... You see the mood sets in andI can see it coming but no matter what I do I cannot brace myself for the words my wife will use against me. I love her to pieces and my whole life revolves around her but sometimes it appears she does not feel the same. In return and to show her gratitude to me for being such a supportive husband and good father to her girls I am often accused or made feel guilty for things I am not guilty of or for things I have not done. The mood sets in a like a demon that can convince her beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am the reason she is hurt or angry, sad or confused. And no matter how I try I can not convince her that I am not the enemy and I am not to blame. I look at her and I try to figure out why she would want to be with me if she truly believed that I am such an aweful person that causes so much pain for her. I will admit I need to address this in a stricter fashion as if I allow it to continue she will hate me more then she loves me. I do not want that and I cannot keep allowing her to convince herself I am to blame for her irrational feelings. I will have no self esteem left and behave like a beaten puppy who pisses every time a hand is raise.

how do you convince someone that they have mood disorder and that mood disorder is playing games with their thought process to the point they are becoming abusive?????

I don't have an answer yet but I am working on it!!!!

Loyalty

Previous diary posts by Loyalty:

BP denial
The Begining
Back Again
they got her
Got stress!

Pdoc visit!
Diet!
What to do!
Together Again!
Back in the woods!

Comments (4) Add Comment

written by smilemore, March 26, 2011

It is frustrating!!!I get blamed al the time, too. I have tried to brace my self, cried and then found myself here. I try and try and try and feel i go nowhere, stuck in a rut but need to find the rug of traction to get me out and going again. I found this place. My self esteem is a rollercoster. My is is, too. My husband is in denile for years but now accepts that he is bp but becoming stable is something else. i wanted to become stronger and am finding info and lerning how to be strong for me and my kids and in the end stronger for my husband. we are on the quest for strength. your a good person for working to solve a problem that will help you and your family. work on!!

written by damselndistress, March 27, 2011

I can't take any more.
I've been dealing with it for 20 years and it is literally killing me.
I gave to get aery from it.
I can't stand having those sick words said to me any more
I don't know if I am able to love him any more.
I just know either way this relationship is full of pain.
I can't do it. smilies/sad.gif

written by Loyalty, March 28, 2011

I will expand on this later when I have more time but PLEASE remember your spouse has a serious illness. One that is and can be fatal. Truthfully they do not want to act the way there are and that they cannot control their emotions. I completely understand your frustrations but you must also understand you are not just in a relationship with a evil bastard. There is a person in there.
I will expand on this a great deal later and I believe my theory may help shed some light on these situations.

written by buzzingmind, March 28, 2011

Ok during all of my spousal responses I have always been amicable. Not that I am going to be totally negative but I know there are relationships on the spousal that should have never meant to have been relationships? Both parties have issues. Both take and take but won't give. I hear and see and read alot of it. It is amazing if you replace the word 'I" and out "we" then attitudes change. We both have been working hard. Both go to my counselling. Both work at modifying my behaviours and attitudes to make them more "acceptable/approriate". Remember the saying....there is no "I" in TEAM? Same for BP. There HAS to be teamwork. If you are so unhappy, detest your spouse and can't wait until they pass out at night then I think it is time to leave. My husband sees good in me. I am not BP. I am an individual who suffers from frequent demon attacts. I am a good mom and step mom. You will do both of you justice if one of you leaves. If they are in denial and won't get help give them an ultimatum...get help or get out. What do I know? My first marriage (18 years) was unhealthly, I asked for change, no change happened, I left. My girls and I are better for it and I beleive my ex is much happier. GET OUT if it is slowly killing you. I have explained that to Loyalty that if it starts killing him to leave. Ya it will hurt but we will all get over it. But fortunately my recent med change has helped a great deal so things are looking up. Things were getting worse so WE took charge and WE went and sought out new doctors for new tests and meds. WE did it TOGETHER. Amen.