|Jul 17 2009|
Another day is over. Some days it seems they will never end, and then when the end of the day comes, I marvel at how quickly it passed. As I contemplate my 43rd birthday tomorrow, I wonderat the long and the short passing of another year. There was so much that I wanted to do, and so much that I did. It is going to be the most beautiful and cool summer weekend in the history of Tennessee weather. I could easily get down and focus on how little I have done in the past year. I hate that my emotional mood is so fragile all the time. If I am working or doing something, then I seem to feel okay, mostly. It is when I stop moving that I realize how much I hurt. I am trying to change my habits. Most importantly I really want to focus on changing my attitude. I am a good person. I am good enough. I am worthy of good nutrition, exercise, and rest. I am worthy of loving and taking care of myself. Sometimes I forget these things because I was not taught to love myself or take care of myself. My family is so fat phobic that it is sad. Every conversation that I have with my Dad includes talk about what I should and should not be eating. I usually put off calling him until I feel more guilty for not calling him than I dread the "what you should do" talks. I have never been one to stand up and express my feelings. Often, what I am feeling is so contrary to what I am saying, and then I will change my mind. How do I learn to recognize and express my true emotions, my true desires, my true needs? These are the questions that frustrate me.
I am getting too tired to think straight at this hour. I think I will get ready for bed. Oh, we went to a movie tonight, "Angels and Demons". Very suspenseful. Always have a headache afterwards, but feels better now. Goodnight.
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