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Droplets

Black Tent

Feb 19 2012

Today I saw a black tent in front of a Taoists temple. When I look into it, I saw lots of black and scary figurines. I'm not a Taoist so not sure what the tent is for. At first I'm stillfeeling ok but just after a few minutes, the past horrible OCD thoughts starts to appear in my mind. I'm scared that they will know what I'm thinking and they will do something bad to me. I wanted to face the thoughts that I have learn from the exposure therapy where I have done it before with one figurine. But at the end I give up trying as there are some many of them now and they are more scary now. I really scared they will know my bad thoughts so I used a mental phase to prevent the OCD thoughts from appearing. This time round I lost to OCD. Lucky I don't often see this type of black tent.

Previous diary posts by rainwater:

Read a book on self esteem.
Battles
Selfish me
Task
Agitated

Need to be more positive
Tired Day
Panic
Anxious over past actions
I don't want to surrender to them!

Comments (1) Add Comment

written by OCDMD, February 22, 2012

I can feel your fear that something bad will happen just because you think it will. I have these same feelings at times. They just come upon me. Mine used to be fears of irrational things hurting me. Now, I have thoughts about others getting hurt and then I feel guilt because I think that I will cause this thought to come true. I'll talk to myself and keep saying - stop thinking those thoughts and usually that helps.
Some people think it should be easy for us to deal with our OCD but we both know it isn't!
A big hug of support to you.